TBH, I have had an experience with voices. I had never experienced anything like it before.
Everyone has internal voices that represent different aspects or masks of their being - part of the exploration and learning in life is recognizing these different aspects of yourself and learning to join them together. It's sort of the process of satori, or enlightenment, IMO. One of those tasks is to unite all aspects of yourself into a single being while simultaneously still possessing understanding from different points of view.
Anyway, those are not the voices I'm talking about. I have those, I recognize them as parts of me. The real voices I heard were something... different.
It happened on Jan. 2 of this year. I had been suffering a longstanding crisis (was keeping a secret on owing lots of money from someone; about 2 years kept as it got progressively worse) on top of an emotional argument (close friend threatened to let the secret loose if I didn't, or to never talk to me again until I did). All of this is on top of many other stressors: I'm an addict and still dealing with that, I have an inverse ego (inferiority complex) and suffer from depression and generalized anxiety my entire life. It includes a long list of non-accomplishments like not having a proper education, dysfunctional family that never socialized, avoidant personality disorder tied into using substance abuse as an escape, having no friends, no job, no career, no money, no driver's license or insurance, no goals or plans, etc... room and board was supplied, everything else was up to me and I kept avoiding everything. Oh, and I got this other.. thing I have to deal with my whole life that's also very stressful and personal.
So all of that stress, then my friend saying he wasn't going to talk to me anymore unless I told a certain someone a necessary secret (my friend was trying to help me, but it made me want to hurt him) so I relapsed after almost two years off of it just to hurt my friend..
Yeah. that night I had a psychotic break.
I can't really explain it. You can't understand unless it happens to you. While I heard the voices distinctly in my head, I couldn't say if I really heard them with my ears... but it was definitely very different from anyone's normal, everyday, internal conflicts and discussions that are part of the human condition. No. This was different.
I've never had or exhibited schizophrenia, a psychotic break, or hearing voices. Through this unique experience, I came to see how such a thing can be extremely convincing. I can't convince you of what they told me, because when I was told a lot of these things there were certain other signs that came with them. I didn't find out later that one aspect that can come up in someone who has schizophrenia is the ability/mental illness to see signs in everything. Suddenly everything seems to _mean_ something, to correlate with what the voices are saying.
I don't know how detailed I want to get into this, because it's very embarrassing and personal. There were two different, but related, experiences that night. The first .. well... it was about...
I could hear a whole roomful of people very clearly and closely, as if we were all trapped in an elevator or something. They were all people from the future and said that they could only contact someone in the past under very specific conditions. Every time they have contacted someone in the past for help... didn't work. Their argument:
The survivors of planet Earth were all in one spaceship trapped in orbit around Earth. It was really the future (I forget the year but it was like 52xx) and the 'reality' I had experienced my whole life was the past - the Matrix, you could say... it was just an entertainment device, but my real self was trapped inside while my body was comatose in the giant spaceship in the future, and they couldn't get me to come out.
They said that Earth's orbit had been interrupted by a giant black hole (I know, it shouldn't be able to happen) and the planet had already passed beyond the event horizon and was heading inwards toward the singularity. They only had so much time left and while I was in a simulation, where much time passed, "real" time in the future was still passing, albeit slowly - and there wasn't much time left.
They said it was highly imperative that I exit the simulation as fast as possible. However unlikely it seemed, the fate of mankind rested on one of us (I wasn't the only one) trapped in the simulation Waking up. Essentially to "push that button," is how they said it... but it had to be one of us. They had contacted others in the past and none had been receptive - because the only way to rescue Earth was to shoot myself in the head with a gun right away. It couldn't wait.
So.. the _urgency_ was what seemed so real and important. The major thing that convinced me at the time was because most of this conversation came from my dog. Okay, I know, it's cliche for weirdos to talk to their dogs and their dogs tell them to go shoot kids or something. But... it was so convincing, and it was only to kill _myself,_ not anyone else...
I won't ever be able to convey how real my conversation with my dog was. She's 9 years old, and I've raised her, so I know her the most. She didn't talk aloud or anything.. it was just that... while all the "future people" sounded like they were nearby, one of them had teleported themselves into my dog, to help convince me. It was a guy. His personality was very distinct and separate from anything I'd ever known. Obviously, my dog couldn't talk, so he would use sign language to converse with me. And when I asked certain questions he would bark for yes, hold his paw over his(her) face for no.
When they talked about how urgent it was and how it had to be done _right away_ to save Earth, that time was dreadfully short, that's when my dog would run to my closed door and started jumping against it, something she has never done before or since. she had many other behaviors at the time that made complete, total sense with the ongoing, real conversation within my head. It meshed so perfectly that I had a very hard time convincing myself that it wasn't real.
That was the first half. The second was even stranger, but I'm afraid this is a little long.
When I went to bed, then woke up later that day, I knew it couldn't be real. but that morning, if I would have had a gun... I would have been strongly tempted. I was tempted to somehow get my dad's gun safe key and get the 9mm out without him knowing... but I didn't.
When I woke that morning, there was a huge pile of post-its on my desk, all things I had written while talking with my dog, and it was full of all kinds of weird crap. there were about 100 post-its with all different things written on them, including things like KILL YOURSELF NOW and SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD and stuff like that. a lot of religion-related ones from the second half of my delusion, which I'm not going to get into right now.
Let's just say the other half was completely full of religious significance, even though I'm an atheist/agnostic. It also affected me greatly, perhaps even more so. But the richness of the vision faded over time, and after a few months have passed, I can tell myself it's not real at all. it's... almost certainly not real.
it was only the one night that this happened, but about a month or six weeks later, I had a similar experience, but less potent, again with a relapse and an emotional and stress-related breakdown. It wasn't as vivid, and I was able to resist the allure of it. And it was shorter.
OK. I'm done.