Do they make tinfoil hats as well?
They outlawed tinfoil years ago because it was too effective. Unless you're willing to settle for government-approved aluminium foil hats, which don't do a thing to block mind control rays, you'll have to do what I do. Dig up raw cassiterite from the back woods, smelt it in the barn and make your own tinfoil by smashing what comes out with a rock until it's thin enough.
While you're doing this, don't forget to drink only grain alcohol and rain water to protect yourself from the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face.