well, mom got me a new computer. it was a gateway, which i didn't know was a bad thing at the time. neither did she.
with the compy came windows xp. byebye linux!
of course, i couldn't last light that, especially after i downloaded a few trojans and viruses. so back came linux, new and improved. yay! dual boots rock.
then of course came the linux-learning... long and sometimes painful process i'm still going through, but it's fun =)
oh, and my first week of my freshman year at college i changed my major from english education to computer science. unprescidented?! you say? well, yes. =) it's fun though....
yay technology! now i just need to find some oil painting supplies...
The world lies dead......
But the people- they are alive.
deary diary (how cliche),
lately i have been learning how to use linux on my square computing device. it is strange and new.
i don't think i'm making much progress, but benito thinks i am and he is very proud of me. the other day i found something that lets me watch videos, even wmv videos, and i figured out how to use it. i felt really good about that.
the timezone is still not fixed, but i have realplayer, so it's about an even trade off, and i'm figuring out how to use star office bit by bit. =)
today in a waiting room i decided to read popular science. i never looked at one of those magazines before. there were sections on outer space, and that was cool. i've decided space is 1337.
looking forward to our next sciency chat, diary.
to anyone who stumbles on this and bothers to read, although i doubt very much that it will ever be viewed:
i have found that slashdot (and in my mind, much of the whole Geek Community across the globe) is comprised of mostly Elitist Bastards.
as much as geeks seem to rave on about how stupid the general population is, and how they wish that at least one would take an interst in learning, at least make an effort..... i have found that this argument is complete and utter bullshit.
geeks don't want the general public to take an interest in complicated things. if you're not a self-learner, and good at it, you don't meet the criteria for this social circle.
when one fairly insignificant fool bothers to interest themself in something complex and confusing, this is a recipe for disaster. instead of the community embracing a new member and offering limitless help and support for the HUGE SOCIAL TRANSITION, this person gets ridiculed and ignored. when questions are politely asked, they are told to RTFM and left scared and alone, completely lost and culture shocked.
do you elitist bastards realize what you're doing? yeah, ok so a lot of you were maybe shunned by society at some point. now imagine that u have the false glory of social status. and imagine giving all of that up to join the 'geeks'. to learn science or code or whatever the hell else is included in this community. do you realize what confused newbies are going through? and you elitist bastards say 'RTFM and help yourself', and lemme tell you, it hurts.
for example, when i go from Windows ME to Linux overnight, it is a HUGE LEARNING CURVE. and im not a good self-learner. i need teachers, and guidance and help. that doesn't mean i'm not as smart. in fact, i catch on to things really well if someone takes their time with me. and i'm the first one to admit that computers are not my forte, but i had a vague understanding of why linux was better, and a wish to learn some basics, and how hard could it be? well it's pretty damned confusing. when i realize at one o'clock in the morning that there's no shutdown button, ok i'll admit that I PANIC. "RTFM?!?!?" that's like handing me a trig book and saying "you figure it out".
and ignoring me is one thing. being blatently rude about my ignorance is another. if it makes you feel better to ridicule those of us making a first effort, go ahead. i almost want to go back to being stupid, just to piss you all off more. you obivously lie when you wish more would join the ranks of the intelligent. now, as for you few wonderful souls that go out of your way to patiently help, then this letter isn't for you. i love you few angels out there that have helped pull me back from the brink of tears and giving up.
but as for the Elitist Bastard Geek Community as a whole, i say this: you aren't what i thought you were at all, and i've lost a lot of respect. i gave up a pretty good life to try this whole dealie out, and i dont give a damn if you ever accept me. my life was never easy and i'd rather be an outcast my whole life than strive to be something so fake. you're no better than the preppy socialites you scorn.
when i use msn messenger, and i click on the button to make it open my hotmail, it goes through IE. but mozilla is my default. and i dont wanna delete IE cuz there are a few websites that prefer it for some sick and twisted reason......
anyway, all i want is for hotmail to open default in mozilla. it can be viewed through mozilla, if i go the long way via the msn homepage. but the msn homepage makes me feel dirty... which also isnt the point. the point is WHY IN GODS NAME CAN'T I MAKE IT DO WHAT I WANT IT TO DO?!
daryl says there is no way to make it do what i want to do, and i should just download gaim or something like that. but i dont want to.... i just can't deal with the fact that there's no way to change that setting. it baffles me. cannot computeh..
ok, so eventually i may grow tired and do what daryl says.... but i havent given up yet o.O ever since i found out you could make 'start' say 'fart', i've been convinced you can make things do what you want them to do. if there is a solution, it would be nice to hear it
first i'd like to say that i suck at life and i got really distracted and stressed out, and i think i actually have more than this typed and saved somewhere, but here is chap 5 (if anyone cares)
Pix sighed and looked around her. This wasn't going at all as planned. Now that she thought about it, nothing had really been planned to begin with. She frowned and sat down on the couch, thinking. How did she make friends with people before? She'd never really been around for very long, and most peoples wishes were simple. One time she'd simply had to hand a woman a large sum of money and leave. Somehow she doubted that would work with Derek though. There was absolutely nothing about money in his wish description. She had to become his friend....
Pix wondered why she hadn't let Xander handle this one. He knew everything about komptas and such. She'd had a few classes of math in her life but was clueless about this technology stuff.... She didn't have that much experience as a Wish altogether, either. Everything she did was simple. Actually, as soon as she had found out the list of complications she had tried to get out of this assignment. How did humans make friends? She'd asked Xander, and he said he didn't know. Xander said it was always different, and you had to get to know the person. There was no way for her to avoid this. She was the next female muse for the job, and she would go. Now, the learning part she was fine with. Pix loved to learn, and she was sure she could match Derek for intelligence if he'd only teach her. However, she was starting to doubt the validity of the book. The book said that Derek was willing to teach. Derek taught, but seemed frustrated a lot of the time. He also didn't seem to accepting of things he didn't understand... like herself.
He wasn't a very friendly type, she thought. He'd already yelled at her several times for very unrelated incidents in her mind. She looked around the room for a clue of what to do. It was a pretty messy place full of lots of little gadgets. She'd never really seen gadgets before. She'd seen a TV. That one she recognized. And she'd seen kitchens. The computer mystified her though. She wandered into his room and stared at it in awe.
Hmm... CDs. She'd seen a CD once. They made lovely sounds. She gave a rap CD to a kid just weeks ago. Xander had said there were many kinds of CDs and music. She liked music. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure how to make the round, shiny disk play music, so she decided to just hum to herself. She frustratedly tapped her foot, looking at the computer. She really wanted to play with it.... But no, Derek had said not to touch it. With a sigh she went back out to the small kitchen. That's when she spotted the radio....
Derek heard it before he saw it. Oldies music was being blasted from his apartment, as well as loud singing and a lot of other racket. He shuddered and carefully opened the door.
"Heard it through the grapevine!!" Pix shouted to the music and danced around the kitchen with a mop. Two hours. He'd only left her for two hours...
The place was completely reorganized. However, it was also spotlessly clean. The dishes were done, everything had been cleaned, and all of his dirty clothes were in a pile by the door. Pix had finally changed out of the clothes she'd come in and was wearing some of his clothes that were baggy and awkward on her.
"Hello love!" she said cheerily. "You're back already?" she asked with a smile.
"Er... yeah." He said, stunned. "Um... what are you doing?"
"I got bored." She said simply.
and life goes on......
ps: this story is all based on reality.
Derek woke up and stretched uncomfortably on the couch. In his room his alarm was going off and Pix was swearing up a storm. Eventually he rolled off the couch and tried to hurry there, just as he heard a loud crash. He bolted inside just as things were falling off his table, and he stopped Pix from smashing the alarm with a chair. He carefully took the chair from her and turned off the alarm.
"What in the hell do you call that?" she demanded.
"An alarm clock."
"Like hell an alarm clock. You listen to me, that demon box tried to kill me. I was in the middle of a dream! This is not healthy!"
"Look, calm down." He said, rubbing his eyes. She sat down abruptly on the bed and shut up. It was too early for this. He was awake again, and there was still a strange girl in his apartment. His neighbor was finally back and playing loud music in the next apartment over. He sighed and wandered into the kitchen, Pix trailing behind.
He shook his head at the mess Pix had created while making soup the previous day, and opened the fridge. "Ah, cold pizza", he thought, "here we go..."
"Don't you eat anything decent?" Pix asked.
She frowned worriedly. "You're sure?"
"It's great. Vitamins, energy, food. That sort of thing." He replied, and he made his way into his room taking his pizza with him.
Pix found herself an apple and followed him into the room, watching him log onto the computer again. "What's that?" she asked about every ten seconds, already testing the patience of her Assignment. He didn't know if he could handle a second day of this. Derek grabbed some clothes and went to the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower. Stay here and don't touch anything." He said testily.
About halfway into his shower Pix let herself into the bathroom. "Now Derek, when you say don't touch anything, does that mean like everything?" she asked, and promptly peeked inside the shower curtain continuing "Like this book here, with all the pictures, can I touch it?"
At about the same time as she touched the curtain he screamed. "Jesus Christ! Pix what the hell are you doing?"
He grabbed the curtain and yanked it shut.
"Read the book."
"Are you sure
When he came back to the room dressed, he looked really upset, she thought. Pix wondered what on earth could be the problem. She quietly put down the book and blinked.
"I'm going to class. Don't break anything, don't touch the computer. Feed yourself whatever you want."
"You're rather bossy." She said simply.
Derek tried to compose himself. "You're the one that showed up mysteriously in my room." He said somewhat angrily.
"You're impossible!" she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
"I'M IMPOSSIBLE?" he yelled. "YOU'RE THE ONE WALKING IN ON ME IN THE SHOWER!"
"That's a problem?" she asked with a blink.
"That's a problem." He said.
"I'm sensing some negative vibes."
"You know, you might be right." He said sarcastically, and walked out the door.
"Derek don't be mad at me." She pouted. "Come on, please? I won't do that anymore if it bothers you."
"I'm leaving, Pix...." He called as he walked out the door.
He slammed the door and was gone.
Derek glanced at the computer clock. It was midnight. He looked over at Pix. She was finally asleep, half sitting and half laying in his bed, a science book open on her lap. He'd thought she would never fall asleep. Yawning, he shut down the computer and changed into something more comfortable.
Well... he guessed she could stay there for the night. Carefully he eased her into more of a laying position rather than her awkward slouch, and closed his book and set it aside. That's when he noticed her book, laying on one of his bedside tables. He glanced at Pix. She was sleeping soundly. Carefully he picked up the tiny old book and opened the cover.
"Derek J. Lamport." it said in flowing handwriting on the first page. Curiously, he flipped through, skimming the text. Every page was filled with tiny handwriting that described practically every major event in his life. There were pages on what he enjoyed, pages on what he feared, on his pet peeves. There was a list of friends, and one of enemies. He even found his current class schedule in there. He turned another page, feeling very unnerved.
Beside him Pix moaned in her sleep and turned over and he nearly dropped the book in shock. Giving her a paranoid glance, he continued to read. The next page started a long checklist:
make friends with derek
learn everything at least half as good as he knows it, if not equally
gain his affection and love
sleep with derek
leave. wish complete.
Sleep with Derek? He quirked an eyebrow and glanced at her again. She looked so innocent in her pale pink tank top and sweat pants, sleeping peacefully. How old was she? It was almost impossible to place an age on her- he half believed she might be a pixie. And yet there was something alluring about her in spite of it all. Derek frowned. It was highly unlikely she would do anything on that list of hers.
It was highly unlikely that a strange girl arrive in his bed in the dark of the night. How the hell did she get there anyway? He tried to clear his mind and went over the facts. He had been asleep. He woke up to a strange girl in his bed who demanded who he was. She claimed to be his wish...
It was very close to his wish.... No. He had to think clearly.
She waltzes in, annoys the hell out of him, demanding to know the definition of everything in every single book she sees, even things that everyone should know. And poof, just like that she catches on to some subjects like a genius, while other simple ones elude her. There was no way she was a wish come true, Derek thought. She'd drive him insane with her questions and be the death of him. He was still getting nowhere on her origins though.
The book had to be a clue. She was adamently against him touching it, and he thought he saw why. It really creeped him out. She had somehow gotten the history of his life. There were entire sections on how he thought and felt. Those things coudn't be gathered by even the best of stalkers. There were dreams in this book that only he knew. She basically had a key to his deepest thoughts, and he didn't think he liked it much at all.
By the looks of things, she wasn't leaving. Derek sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was too late for this kind of thinking. He couldn't really throw her out, but what was he supposed to do with her tomorrow? He had classes eventually.... Sighing, he put her book back and shut out the light. He'd figure it out in the morning.
Derek took one last look at her as he moved into the small living room. He put his glasses on the table and crawled under the covers on the couch. For one night he could be the polite guy and let her where she was. He'd seriously have to think about these sleeping arrangements though. They might need to talk.
"look it's base two."
"is what now?"
"we count in base ten."
"binary is base two. You count 0-1-10-11
"i see i see." she nodded sagely.
"so, it has to do with exponents of two..." he said.
"what you do is look at the number 25. The highest exponent of two that goes into it is 2^4"
"is what now?"
"BINARY! IT'S F*CKING BINARY!"
Pix blinked and stared at Derek a long time. He sighed and focused on the piece of paper again. "Ok, you have two numbers, 1 and 0...."
"You know, I did math once." she said suddenly.
"Really?" he asked. Derek sighed and closed his eyes. Calm, he told himself. Refocus.
"Yes." she said shortly.
"Oh!" she said suddenly, as if just realizing where she was. "Algebra. And trig. I took trig, I'm pretty sure."
"... you're "pretty sure" huh?" Derek asked. He wasn't ready to believe this, but then again, she knew the word "trig"...
"We did logs. And natural logs. I think. I'm almost certain. Like this." she said and drew out an equation and solved it. She blinked as if she didn't know what she had done. Derek looked at her narrowly.
"...yes.... good job. Now, do you want to learn this?"
"Yes. Binary. Base two. Go!" she said cheerily, and stared at the piece of paper. Derek looked at her and sighed. She was pretty but not too bright....
"Alright, look, try to figure out the number 25..."
"You know, Derek," she said after a while.
"Yeah Pix?" he asked wearily.
"I think I get it."
"Really?" he asked hopefully.
She stared at the paper a long time. "There's only one thing that's throwing me off, I think..."
"What's that?" he asked, very attentive now. Finally maybe he could fix the problem, help her understand, make some progress, any progress...
"Well, it's the 1's and 0's." she said, frowning worriedly.
"What about them?" he asked.
"They throw me off." she said simply.
Derek made a very nasty sound and fell over on the bed, dying. His eyes were closed and Pix wasn't sure if he was angry, crying, or simply having a mental breakdown. She leaned over him and smiled.
"Would you like me to make you some soup?" she asked cheerily.
Derek refused to answer or move. Maybe if he didn't move, she'd go away....
"I think I'll go make soup." she said and skipped out of the room.
"It worked" he thought. "She's gone. It's quiet now.... I AM A GOD!!!"
"Oh, and Derek," she said, suddenly popping back into the room.
He weaky turned his head to look at her.
i have bad karma. i hate this site, and i hate the band you like .
im also tired and hungry so that probably has something to do with this rant. i also had to put up with josh all of second period tellin me how wonderful he is and denying the fact that everyone hates him....
maybe i should just go back to reading my book....
if all the world were paper
and all the sea were ink
if all the trees were bread and cheese
what should we have to drink?
ps: who are u and why do u bother reading my journal anyway? i'm not complaining, it just makes me blink
journal part two: the beginning of a story
Pix cuddled close to the warm body and the warm body cuddled closer to her with a content, sleepy moan. Her eyes shot open. Where was she? She gasped and sat up. The sleepy male tried to regain consciousness and then sat bolt upright and nearly fell off of his bed.
"Who are you?" he demanded, grabbing his glasses for a better look.
She smiled, tried to straighten her messy hair and clothes, and failing just smiled and blinked . Her skin was pale and sparkled and her eyes hardly seemed human. She had a distinct faery-like appearance, minus the wings, and she was just slightly shorter than he, although she was much more petite. "I," she said with an air of great dignity, "am Pix. I am a wish."
He stared at her for a bit, nodded sagely, and then asked "what?"
"Where am I?" she asked curiously, looking at all the room. The light was on by now of course and and was staring in awe at the computer on his desk. She started poking around buttons.
"Hey don't touch that!" he said. He was starting to get cross, she thought. She grabbed a book instead.
"What is Kal... Kal Kullus?" she asked, turning it upside down, squinting, and trying to make sense of the numbers and squiggles.
"What? Oh, Calculus. That's my school book." he said. He took the book from her and sat it on his desk again. "Who are you and how did you get into my bedroom?"
"I'm Pix. I'm a wish. I'm your wish this time. Well, I guess if you'd like to know my more specific race I'm a Muse. Or is that not race... Not race. I'm most definitely not a muse. Wait, I most definitely am a muse."
"Don't they teach you anything? Greek literature...." she started, and had retreived the calculus book and was paging through it. "And this... this is math?" she asked curiously.
"Yes, this is math. Don't you know anything? You still haven't answered my question."
"Ah!" she shouted, spotting a D&D book. She flipped through quickly as if familiar with it as she was with a reference book. "I'm a pixie, I think. Or half pixie, half fairy, something along those lines. You all make such rubbish of the actual definitions anymore, but I'm sure that'll help you. What's your name again?"
"Derek. You're a pixie?" he asked skeptically, sitting back down on his bed. "Do some magic."
"I can't just do magic. So demanding.... You did want a girl, right?"
"A female. I mean, Xander was next in line really to grant wishes and he's more versed in math than I am, but that doesn't fill the requirement." She pulled out a small book. "Ah, yes, Derek. Lonely? I suppose I can see that..."
"You can't just come in here and insult me."
She merely blinked, and went back to her book. "Into kom
"Computer programming... look, what is that?" he asked, trying to grab her tiny, tattered book. She snatched it away from him testily.
"Now I won't have any of that! I come all the way down here to learn... to learn this, and what is the thanks? Where is the affection and the joy and you know, all of those other things? Look here. "Eager to teach." You're not eager to teach, you keep taking that kak-less book from me. And what's a kompta? Oh I just cannot deal with this!" she screamed, angry and exasperated, and sat herself down on the other end of the bed to pout.
heehee... i can't even convince myself to try Linux- too intimidating. the most impressive claim i have is that i run Windows ME and haven't killed myself yet. came close to losing my mind the other day though... i think it's eating itself.... and it might crash soon... *waits nervously*
ask me what 'unix' means a month ago and i'd look at u funny. say it now and i'll nod sagely, with some vague recognition of the word
what's really funny is that i know virtually nothing about computers, yet i repeatedly tell the school to do something with the computers and they don't and i end up being right. they finally let me reimage some of them with mozilla instead of IE to solve the popup problem, that was completely disabling the internet. wow, who was right? the crazy hippie girl who rants too much... and there have been other occaisions.
and the thing is, i really don't feel i said anything really intelligent. i'm not losing my mind, am i? they're just really, really stupid...
would someone explain to me how the earth/sun/axis/seasons/hemisphere thing works? i keep asking people at school and they keep confusing me, because i'm sure they're doing it wrong. "well you see, the sun hits the earth like this..."
realplayer makes me paranoid. does it freeze cuz of windows ME, or does ME freeze cuz of realplayer....
what is BASIC and why did ben go 'AUUUUUGHHHH!!! NO! nonono' when i said 'ben teach me BASIC. i read about it once'.... i mean i know this book's kinda out of date, but it says BASIC is easy... i dont really wanna learn to program either, i just want pictures of exploding stars.... or crashing stars...... i dunno...
my friend said he was installing direct x and his computer crashed and won't even turn on anymore. what the..... eh? somehow i think he's leaving something out. like, when paul said his computer randomly didnt work, it turns out it's cuz he was deleting random program files he assumed were spyware, cuz he's stupid.... i think josh is lying too.....
why do my floppies erase themselves? are cd's any safer? cuz all my music cd's get really scratched and stop working... im not sure how data cds would be different... and if i use a floppy at school, will it get that virus? that kinda makes me nervous, since it's "new"....
i like control commands cuz i'm too lazy to clean my mouse =)
sometimes i wonder what i'm doing here too. and not just 'here'... here in my life. this could all be a very big mistake *paranoid glance*
but ben and max and robert think i ought to be more on the geek side of life and stop compromising my intelligence or something.... i'd basically given up on math and science and im trying to take it up again sloooowwwwwlyyyy.... and computer stuff really interests me, but im also sort of a technophobe. it's a paradox really.
right now im sort of a crazy hippie who's popular among the 'freaks' like punk kids and goth kids and stuff..... and im quietly slipping away into the abyss of geekdom. i think it started when i got bored and memorized 70 decimals of pi, and it's spiraling downward as i get physics lessons from ben in my spare time cuz i'm bored....
oh, and i have some neat little diaryland webpages where i play with html, but that's not really 'computer stuff' is it? =)
anyway, that's scratching the surface of what i'm doing here. this is a neat place to learn and it seems safe enough.... i dont think the mobs of geeks will crucify me if i dont know something..... i hope
Uncertain fortune is thoroughly mastered by the equity of the calculation. - Blaise Pascal