"I saw your letter", Tami said.
"What letter?" I asked.
"The one in the Illinois Times. Boy, you really gave it to that guy!"
"I haven't seen it", I said. I'd written in response to another letter that they had run May 28 titled Has Medicine really advanced? that ignorantly tried, like some slashdot troll might, to equate 21st century medicine with Lincoln's time.
"I want to show it to Jennifer" she said. She's staying with Jennifer and John while my daughter's in town.
The weekend was pleasant - mostly. She'd called me Saturday offering to buy me breakfast at DJ's, so I picked her up and we ate at DJ's before I dropped her off at the library, where she was doing volunmteer work at a book sale. Friday she'd worked there and come home with a big sack of books and movies, inclucing some Japanese anime for Leila and Star Wars episodes IV, V and VI on VHS for me.
I was excited about the tapes - earlier tapes were the original version where Guido doesn't shoot at all, let alone first, and doesn't have the stupid scene with Jabba the Hut. I watched it with my daughter, who had seen it a million times but hadn't realized Harrison Ford was in it. "He's so young in Star wars!" she exclaimed.
"Well YEAH" I said. "That movie's thirty years old, you know." Sadly, Guido shot first.
Sunday morning, Father's day, I woke up early. I went to McDonald's and was disgusted with the biscuit and gravy and skillet burrito - apparently my body's starting to reject my Supersize Me diet. All it seems to be doing is giving me a beer gut, and my gut's the very last place I need to gain weight.
I went to Felber's (the redneck bar in the ghetto whose motto on their t-shirts is "got guts?") while Patty went to get her sister Leila, whose name isn't spelled illiterately like her cartoon namesake and who has two eyes, neither one of which is in the middle of her forehead. I told her to meet me at Felber's, where I was getting a pizza.
I talked with the bartender about a recent rash of bar robberies here in Springfield. To steal a phrase from Mister T, I pity the poor fool who tries to rob Felber's. My guess is if there's ten people in the bar, two of them are probably armed.
While I was there half a dozen people told me my left rear tire was flat.
Leila and Patty came in. "Dad, you have a flat tire!"
They went and got some fix-a-flat. And season two of My Name is Earl, with the episode with Cops! After airing up the tire we went home and watched it.
The phone rang. In fact the damned thing wouldn't stop ringing all day. Tami had called a few times, Linda called, and now it was Amy. "Hey, I'm in town, me and Connor are fighting".
Yes, Amy's boyfriend is named Connnor and I'm a cyborg. Linda had broken up with her BF, a thieving asshole who had just been released from prison for Grand Theft Auto and is now on parole. Although he's probably not going to be on parole for long, as he'd just been arrested for drunken jet skiing on Lake Springfield last week. Linda had come up with five hundred dollars bail for his drunken jetskiing arrest right before finding out about the ex that wasn't so ex - in fact the ex thought she was current and didn't know about Linda.
So I'd taken Linda to JW's and shot a few games of pool with her, and drank a couple pitchers of beer Saturday.
"Sorry, Amy, you picked a bad time. I'm spending Father's Day with my daughters."
"Boy, dad, "Patty said, "you sure are popular!"
Amy tried again later, with the same response. I wound up using all but three minutes on my phone and shut it off before going to bed.
I looked in the Springfield State Journal-Wrapafish and saw that there were some hookers busted right on my block. One gave an address on my block as her home address, and I didn't even know her!
I'll have to ask some of the hookers I do know if they know the one that lives on my block.