Hi, my name's mcgrew and I'm a biter.
Biters Anonymous is a crowd of losers who share their experience, roflcopters and lolerskates with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from the ravages of biting.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop biting.
There are no dues or fees for BA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. BA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution or endorses nor opposes any causes.
Our primary purpose is to stay troll-free and help other Biters to achieve bitelessness.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over biting - that our bites had become unmanageable
Step 2: Came to believe that a poster greater than ourselves could return our lollerskates
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our comments and our journals over to the care of Cmdr Taco and His moderators
Step 4: Use the <li> operator or risk being called a lamer by trolls, tempting you to bite
Step 5: We must never ever be at all honest with anybody evar.
Step 6: I am not a step, I am a free man!
Step 7: Craps
Step 8: Stop giving a shit.
Step 9: Step 9: Step 9: Step 9:
Step 10: You still didn't follow step 4 yet, lamer
Step 11: Mind your own damned business
Step 12: Shut off the fucking computer and go outside for God's sake!
Originally posted at K5 on Fri Apr 22, 2005 at 12:38:29 PM CDST and edited for slashdot. This version has been modified to fit your screen, time constraints, censored for vulgarity, and to allow us to place more commercials in it.
If you google "biters anonymous", no quotes necessary, and hit "I'm feeling lucky" that diary still comes up.
I got up fairly early Monday.
Sunday had seen Tami and me at Felber's, where they had a potluck and pig roast. We got there early because she was afraid of not getting a seat, and I was ready to pass out after six pitchers of beer but before the meat was done. Everyone had chowed down on side dishes and deserts all day. We went home, took naps, and then polished off the brandy a friend had left the previous night.
"Do you mind if I watch my soap opera? They're going to wrap up a lot of loose ends, it's the season finale." she asked sweetly Monday when I got done watching the noon news on TV.
"Sure," I said, thinking she was going to be disappointed because there would be a cliffhanger. After all, she was talking about a soap opera. "I'll go down to Felber's and get a beer."
I figured two beers would keep me gone until the soap was over and I'd come back and reread some more Restaraunt at the End of the Universe. I hadn't read the five volume trilogy in ten years or more, but my daughter bought me an omnibus edition at Christmas and I've been slowly savoring it ever since.
I got the quote in my sig wrong. But then again I haven't been wearing the contact lens in my non-cybernetic eye, either. So I guess I'm not three eyes right now, anyway. Maybe I should change my sig.
You will be assimilated. resistance is futile.
Actually when the time comes you won't resist, you will beg to become one of us.
I walked to Felber's and ordered a beer as the bartender was putting a pizza in the oven. Despite the fact that I'd already had three eggs and toast for breakfast, then chicken, beans, corn, and french fries for lunch not long before walking to Felber's, the smell made me hungry again so I ordered a pizza too, and a pitcher of beer to go with it.
I decided to go home and have Tami help me finish the pitcher. I asked the bartender to put it in the 'fridge', then trudged back home. There's a dalmation, a really friendly dog, that's been hanging around there; someone owns him, as he's wearing a collar. He walked with me as far as 12th street, then he turned left.
"Damn them," Tami said after I got home, "They had a rerun!"
I'm going to miss her if her husband ever takes her back.
We drove back to the bar. I bought another pizza.
It seemed like Sunday, but in fact they were having their drawing. On Mondays they give you a ticket with every purchase, and have a drawing every half hour. The drawing's winners go into a pot for yet another drawing on July 4th, America's Independance Day. That winner gets a thirty six inch flat screen TV. I already have a forty two inch flat screen TV, but it's a standard resolution CRT. Presumably the thirty six incher is high def and lightweight, unlike my 215 pound behemouth that's hard for a burglar to steal and trade for crack.
That's my wedding anniversary plus one. July fourth, I mean. We were going to get married on the nation's bicentineal, but we couldn't get a judge or a preacher that day. So we got married the day before. So we always had a two day celebration, with fireworks.
Not once in my 27 years of marriage did I forget my wedding anniversary. Now that I'm divorced I wish I could.
For the first time ever, the Felbers bartender picked my number. I bought another pitcher. They picked my number again.
We finally went home and took naps. I got back up later, and as I was in the bathroom the doorbell rang. I got in the living room and asked Tami who it was.
"Somebody wanting to cut the grass. He said he got our address from the city."
Bullshit - I'd just cut the grass the previous weekend. This asshole was trying to use scare tactics to drum up business.
"God damned motherfuckers" I said as I stormed out the door.
"HEY! YOU, YOU SON OF BITCH, YOU SAID YOU WORK FOR THE CITY?"
The black man walking toward his elderly pickup truck with its brand new John Deere on a trailer behind it, stopped and looked at me."
"I'M CALLING THE MAYOR TOMORROW YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD BEFORE I CALL THE COPS, DAMN YOU!"
Tami yelled at me for yelling at the asshole. I stormed out and went back to Felber's.
In Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement an anonymoust coward, obviously smoking some crack he'd traded someone's burgled TV for, commented (with the subject line "Fuck This"), "I can't wait for the baby boomers to die so we can take our damn country back and start thinking logically about copyright law."
He was modded 3, insightful, rather than the flamebait he deserved.
EmbeddedJanitor wrote (and garnered a pretty well deserved "flamebait" mod)
I'm guessing you're a member of "Generation-Me".... everything is about you and what you want.
Don't like your life? Get off your ass and do something for yourself and maybe others too. Don't like the government? Vote.
Your damn country is largely a result of what baby boomers built. If the baby boomers had been little whining generation-me types like you then there would be nothing for you to want.
Kids... learn to say please and thank you!
In response, A cowardly anonymous punk kid wrote, (and was given a score of five and his troll ignorantly modded "insightful")
The baby boomers built the country? Please! They were sitting around protesting, free-loving, and smoking dope while their parents and grandparents actually built what we have today. No one on this planet has the same entitlement mentality as United States baby boomers. No one.
I thought that WE had little respect for our elders, but you punks take the cake (and eat it too). We didn't "sit around protesting", we marched around protesting. And what we protested was what the previous generations had fucked up.
We didn't build the world; Slartibartfast and his co-workers did. He got an award for Norway. Ok, kidding, Much of it was already built. Every generation has added both good and bad.
We were being drafted to be cannon fodder for a useless war. Some of us volunteered for that useless war out of patriotism (I did). The protests finally eneded that war. Meanwhile you little whiners are too busy chasing filthy lucre and getting your nipples pierced and foreheads tattood to care that an oil man became President and started a useless war for the sole purpose of enriching himself. At least my dad's generation's rich people who started the Vietnam war thought (perhaps correctly) that they were fighting communism, a laudible goal to them.
My generation's protests stopped the war and made the President resign. Where are your protests of the Iraq war? Your stupid generation doesn't even have to be drafted!
Some of us protested the rape of the environment. We got the Clean Air act and the Clean Water act passed. We got CFCs banned. What are you gutless wimps doing about global warmning? Buying SUVs!
My generation built and is still building houses, like the one you live in. The parts of the electrical grid my dad didn't build were built by those who followed him. My generation designed and built all your cell phone towers.
My dad's oldest brother's generation invented computers, but my generation put those giant building sized machines on your desktop. My generation put VCRs and CDs and DVDs on the market. My generation made the entire cell phone infrastructure.
My dad's generation smoked cigarettes. My generation smoked pot. Your generation smokes crack.
Your generation uses my generation's music in their fucktardedly stupid commercials. Neither my nor my dad's generation did that.
My generation was pretty ignorant of history, but we were pikers when it comes to your generation.
What has your generation done, except invent internet trolling?
bsDaemon ignorantly opined
The baby boomers are (were?) a bunch of dope-smoking draft dodgers that have run this country into the ground while their parents wonder why exactly it is that they fought World War II, since they just ended up living under authoritarianism anyway.
You have to have a draft in order to dodge that draft. Fifty thosand boomers DIDN'T dodge the draft and died in that godforsaken jungle for absolutely nothing. Unless you have served in the military (and yes, I did, during Vietnam, despite the fact that I was in no danger of being drafted) you have no right to criticise anyone for dodging the draft.
A generation didn't run the country into the ground, a class did. Your class (if you are rich) ran it into the ground with your selfish grubbing for money, with your exploitation of my friends my age and younger who do the actual work building roads, bridges, houses, cell phone towers, and everything else for you. The rich sent the jobs overseas, not the people who do the actual work. My generation isn't taking rights away, the rich of all adult generations who run things are.
Get your enemies straight, son. While you're fighting me, your masters are laughing at you. I'm not taking away any of your rights, I'm fighting to preserve them. You employer is fighting tooth and nail to get as much of everything as he can, including YOUR RIGHTS. And you dumbass kids do your damndest to help him!
World War Two was started by the same generation that fought World War One. People seem to forget that Hitler and Mussolini were of the same generation as Eisenhower and Truman and Patton. They wouldn't have had to fight that war if they hadn't tried to take over the world. What is your generation doing to fight authoritarianism? Mine got a war ended, protesting in person (and some dying in those protests) while yours bitches anonymously or semi-anonymously on messageboards. "The best generation?" IMO my friend Ralph's generation (Ralph served in the Navy during WWII; I met many of my hooker friends through Ralph) was the WORST generation, not the greatest. They brought the world nuclear warfare, my generation brought it the World Wide Web.
If you could have seen what the world was like in the 1950s when I was a child, you would appreciate what my generation has done for you.
The one thing my generation did badly was raise you ignorant, hateful crackheads. I sincerely hope your generation does a better job of raising the next generation than mine did, because we really sucked at raising you asshats.
"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."
I was in a better mood when I got home. So was Tami.
Last night after work I went home to find her laying on the couch. She'd had an earache for a week but refused to see a doctor, and had taken some Tylenol Sinus, which had her so she could barely sit up.
So I want to Felber's without her, to spend my last five dollars.
I got an invitation to a birthday party and was allowed to start a tab. I broght pizza and a forty ounce bottle of beer home.
The slashdot message center informs me that servognome replied to this comment (along with a bunch of other folks) with "The bits used for online banking are also free... you're confusing the value of data with the medium." I replied
The bits used for online banking are also free... you're confusing the value of data with the medium
In your example, the bits aren't the money, they merely count it. They have no value whatever to anyone but the banker. In a music CD, the bits are supposed to BE the money, completely unlike the data that flows between banks.
Actually their [the Golgafrinchans'] actions were quite rational, like farmers destroying crops to keep prices up.
There's nothing rational about destroying food when there are people starving. That's just self-serving evil. The kind of self-serving evil that mammon worshipers support. I do not subscribe to your religion.
The nature of the digital world leads to a tragedy of the commons, there is no loss to inviduals copying, but the net result of their actions unchecked is a degradation of the market to the point where the goods they download will no longer be made.
I want music to be neither "goods" nor a "market". Music will continue to not only be made, but be recorded. The indies put their music on the internet for free. When the RIAA dies there will still be music. When the "music industry" dies there will still be music.
The same goes for films. The cost of recording music has dropped to the point that anyone with the most modest budget can record music, yet industry continues to charge as if recordings were expensive to make and distribute.
The cost of making movies is likewise dropping. You can download an amateur-made movie that has better acting, directing, and special effects than many Hollywood films. There have been some real stinkers come out of the "industry", as anyone who has ever sat through a "B movie" knows.
For the US to base its future economic growth on movies and music is past insanity, even past stupidity. If we don't get rid of the bought and paid for politicians and get some statesmen, we as a society are doomed.
As to your "tragedy of the commons", the commons sustained itself for hundreds of years. "The tragedy of the commons" was a fiction put forth by landowners to grab the common lands for their own benefit. The true tragedy of the commons was that the commons were privatized, further impoverishing the commoners who had used those commons.
It is currently scored Funny (2).
I'm not voting for Obama and I'm not voting for McCain. Despite the hot air coming from both their mouths to the contrary, they are both deeply in the corporate pockets. They have taken their corporate bribes and the corporations own them.
Obama and McCain want to put potsmokers in prison. A vote for someone who wants you in prison isn't just a wasted vote, it's a stupid vote. "Vote for me, I want you incarcerated! A gambler in every prison, a pothead in every institution, a hooker or a john in every cell!"
I want to know what the Green and Libertarian candidates stances are on tech issues. Why these two parties are not mentioned in the corporate-owned media is obvious; the question is why they are being ignored by slashdot?
What about the other candidates?, posted to McCain vs. Obama on Tech Issues, has been moderated Interesting (+1).
It is currently scored Interesting (3).
What about the other candidates?, posted to McCain vs. Obama on Tech Issues, has been moderated Troll (-1).
It is currently scored Interesting (2).
What about the other candidates?, posted to McCain vs. Obama on Tech Issues, has been moderated Overrated (-1).
It is currently scored Interesting (1).
What about the other candidates?, posted to McCain vs. Obama on Tech Issues, has been moderated Interesting (+1).
It is currently scored Interesting (2).
Re:You mean the country that the baby boomers buil (Score:0, Flamebait)
Don't try to outweird me, three eyes" -Zaphod [slashdot.org]