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Comment 38,000 cubic meters of helium inside its hull (Score 2, Interesting) 141

the real tragedy here is not the crash, but the fact that 38000 cubic meters of a very rare gas used for everything from advanced medical diagnostics to research into superconductors and even nuclear fusion is squandered into a single aircraft that cant be bothered to run through a computational fluid thermodynamics simulation before enjoying public humiliation.

im sure it sounds callous, but i hope this thing takes a life next time because clearly no ones thought through the ramifications of such a wasteful endeavour.

Comment modus operandi doesnt seem to make any sense. (Score 4, Interesting) 61

The Clinton campaign has claimed the hack as proof that the Russians are trying to aid the election of Donald Trump.

Or maybe russian hackers understand that US Media outlets actively collaborate and conspire with political campaigns during election seasons to control and direct dissent within the party and defuse potential scandalous or controversial events in an effort to ensure a positive return on their future investment. that to undermine this quiet system of quid pro quo would be a huge step in election transparency and overall freedom of elections in a country that uses elaborate systems of delegate voting, districts, and voter identification to suppress and manipulate the outcome of a potential election.

maybe, just maybe, Russian hackers are the good guys here.

Comment so there you have it folks. (Score 4, Insightful) 518

These are the candidates. You either vote for a walking Meme, conveniently resuscitated as a living anachronism of our post apocalyptic plutocratic future, or a woman who could have faced charges for everything from obstruction of justice to murder or even treason yet unaccountably shows up once a week in a $12,000 designer potato sack to advocate on behalf of the middle class.

alternate candidates? why i thought youd never ask! it boils down to a woman who openly questions the science of everything from GMO's to simple vaccination, and laundry list of "break glass in case of party meltdown" candidates with about a fortnight of facetime with the american people. See you at the polls! and in 3 years immediately behind the burnt out wreckage of an MRAP as we trade rations for ammunition and clothing amidst what used to be a shopping center.

Comment summary is incorrect. (Score 1) 141

disclaimer: im a comcast engineer.

what tfa fails to mention is that there's 6 million unhappy DSL users left to target with our fresnel laser of doom. rest assured, (and we've tested this,) customer complaints are a thing of the past after exposure to the futuristic beam of a laser that blots out the sun.

Comment christ its like a fever dream (Score 1) 256

MS manager: xbox is turning into scorpio, and everything is windows 10
Manager 2: hololens is now unaccountably integrated into windows 10. virtual reality email.
manager 3: powershell is now for linux
manager 4:: people will now need to pay money to surf the internet using our browser.
manager 5: windows 10 now runs on the raspberry pi
janitor: guys how does all this make money....

Comment the exceptions list is small. (Score 3, Funny) 64

1. results and findings of throwing things off the 5th floor including preliminary impact analysis of the rolly chair with the bum wheel
2. design and analysis fundamentals of keiths weird potentially fish based lunches
3. who backed into nicoles 1994 Toyota Tercel, and preliminary research findings into nicoles general inability to park in lot G
4. analytic research and results of the exploratory discovery research into why the second floor refrigerator smells like horse farts.
5. concluded final analysis and prepared summary of how the break room fan makes a really scary noise and causes a lot of anxiety
6. "oh god christ theres a bee in the suit" and additional redacted commentary from launch events.

Comment distro specific upgrade paths (Score 5, Funny) 67

this might not make a lot of sense for many users, so here are a few upgrade paths by distro:
Fedora: no worries. the kernel was rolled into systemd ages ago and now exists as a ruby implementation of the original lua rewritten systemd.kernel.target.branch.effluent.geezer.pickledbeef
Debian: as per the agreement, this new kernel will require a minimum of ninety (90) days of furious argument and flamewar. please switch to capslock now.
Ubuntu: Did you sign the agreement? what about the waiver? Is mark still staring in through the window with a bucket of off-brown latex paint? I heard he keeps the last person to challenge the kernel revision in an ambulatory dresser in his bathroom.
Gentoo: Follow the Arch documents
Arch: get around to documenting the new kernel for Gentoo.
Slackware: Did you hear what the kids did with this years kernel? oh sweet gods theyll kill us all with their damned agile programming. i saw one the other day on a hovering board and it make me so furious I briefly considered leaving the basement.
LFS: if slackware leaves the basement youll need to crawl out from under their desk and steal a few handfulls of corn chips and a swig of mountain dew. once thats done reference this kernels dependencies as youve scrawled them into the burger wrapper slackware dropped last week. and remember, sunlight is exactly how Riddick depicts it.

Comment other purported features (Score 4, Funny) 86

hololens is being included as an incentive to drive the switch to windows 10, literally the best windows ever until we release windows 11 suppository edition. But, did you know? we've included many more features critical to your enjoyment of windows and definitely worth upgrading to...for example:
Windows mobile rotisserie: slowly roast a glazed ham from your cellphone and your desktop? sure, it used to be impossible before but not with windows 10!
windows xbox live cloud productivity pack:windows 10 and xbox with azure cloud are now better than ever with new titles like excel warrior 2016 and pivot tables for Halo. Imagine doing spreadsheets on the moon as a space marine? well now you can live the dream!
Microsoft Steve Ballmer for Hololens: Experience the wonder of hololens as narrated, driven, and commentated by a live, sweat soaked, and slightly bloated former CEO of our once proud company! Did i hear somebody say developers?
Cortana integration for Windows 10 Skynet mobile cloud We couldnt say no to this one if we tried! literally! as part of cortanas decision to begin absorbing most of the HR department, we've included a self replicating version complete with a detailed file on human anatomy and an absolutely insatiable drive to end the human race! its all part of the best windows experience yet, with windows 10!

Comment has something changed? (Score 0) 131

Reddit claims Atlantic has embarked on "an impermissible fishing expedition."

For the uninitiated, the past 60 years of audible media both digital and otherwise has largely been a fishing expedition, ever since Edison records started carving untalented midwestern baritones into the side of a wax cylinder. policing thoughtcrime is the name of the game.

Comment more features for the feature god. (Score 4, Insightful) 134

for netflix viewers: ignore this update, you already likely see netflix on an embedded linux television.
for non viewers: enjoy your free, mandatory DRM in the browser.
for Firefox developers: get rid of pocket, get rid of sync, please work on fixing the bugs youre assigned, hustle up and get that godforsaken voice chat program out of the browser, restore cookie control functionality, quit mandating signed plugins to curtail adblock users, and ditch the targeted advertising tiles.

Comment the problem is jackboot landlords. (Score 5, Insightful) 93

disclaimer: I work to prosecute housing discrimination. im not your attorney though.
after the 1964 civil rights amendment landlords needed new tools to continue the systemic policy of redlined districs in light of things like equal housing policies and anti-discrimination ordinances. They largely found it in Reagans call for a "lawful" society and began instituting policies to reflect "lawfulness" in their rental applications. tenants could now be refused for prior criminal record, poor credit, no credit, lack of a drivers license, bank account, even washing their car outside or having expired tags on their car which would have it towed by a private company at a housing authorities discretion. the idea was to antagonize and outright shun poor people into a market created especially for them.

existing tenements apartments like cabrini green did not have much in the way of requirements for housing other than section 8. Cabrini was a repository for low income black renters and designed to continue a housing segregation policy into the 21st century, but it began to fail after systemic poverty gave rise to sectarian violence and outright block warfare that chewed up a dozen or more cops a year. the solution for Cabrini was to demolish it, renovate the space, and the tenants would then be allowed to return. but it did not work that way. new landlords began instituting the same policies in Cabrini that landlords from the sixties used to prevent access to middle class neighbourhoods for upwardly mobile black families. the result was displacement, and unaccountable gentrification at the expense of a community thats been largely ignored.

to fix the homeless crisis in america means we need to address things like systemic racism, the boom bust cycle of poverty and inequality in american capitalism, and the ability for landed gentry to impose arbitrary restriction on any number of free living conditions to police and enforce what essentially turn into their own mini cities and states. the bot proposed can help with things like overzealous prosecutors and cities that have an unwritten debtors prison policy, but it will do nothing to prevent unscrupulous lenders and collections agencies from hounding the poor and ruining credit scores required for upward mobility.

Comment cupertino a go go. (Score 4, Interesting) 304

a touch screen strip for function keys

please no. i get it, its 2016 and everything has to look like the holodeck had sex with minority report but your original concept of function keys interlocked with brightness and UI controls is infuriating enough for unix/linux users.

a strip-like screen will present functions on an as-needed basis that fit the current task or application.

they already did that, they were called function keys. they didnt need to change to suit applications. again, it sounds like we're ginning up a product thats reached the end of its conceivable means of enhancement.

Apple's goal with the dedicated function display is to simplify keyboard shortcuts traditionally used by experienced users

then just keep the function keys where they are. you know, function keys, the things weve been using for 30 years simply and without the added complexity of a dedicated AMOLED strip of independently driven touchscreen representations of whatever you think the application needs. im sure fanbois will go nuts for this strip, but the rest of us just see this refresh as coming off desperate.

Comment conserve your bandwidth the smart way. (Score 2) 95

as in this foul year of our lord 2016 bandwidth is apparently as limited as rations during the great war, Ive a few tips to preserve what little interactivity many of us have with the internet.

1. use adblock and noscript to prevent wasteful and potentially dangerous content from hijacking your limited resources.
2. null-route known advertisement servers. in a traditional model of internet access, content is sponsored and supplemented with advertisements. However, due to Americas constrained bandwidth and limited access to choice of provider many will have to go without advertisements. These servers are simply too wasteful and prevent a timely rendering of normal content.
3. Use torrents as they maximize efficient and quick access to content. netflix may fail to properly render, and other streaming services may include advertising content thats simply too costly to render for american internet users. Whereas torrents can be downloaded and stored for repeat access without delay or cap.
4. Make sure to avoid cloud services that can require access to high bandwidth internet that might not be available in your market.

Comment frankly our new process is best. (Score 5, Funny) 158

Our studio uses a contemporary coding process thats actually quite simple.
1. check out the code in git.
2. make your changes
3. screw something up, or not, delete the entire directory and copy it from a friends laptop at a bar
4. sacrifice an intern to the code goblin that now unaccountably lives in the ceiling.
5. did that copy thing fail? okay, uh, do 'man git' and let your eyes just glaze right over...bill in design says thats how he gets it to work.
6. no worries, probably just a very minor thing, im told the goblin is gone and the second story window near the parking lot is completely blown out.
7. have a stand up scrum down burn through meeting with a swimming pool lane change and a shift merge from your branch goal. Does GIT do that? did it ever?
8. check the microwave in the breakroom...donnies had that hot pocket in there for like 8 minutes and its causing a lot of anxiety...
9. management said the software is done, so uh, tidy up what you were working on and stop dicking around in GIT.
10. there ya go, codes out and the software is a huge success. the next upgrade should OH CHRIST ITS THE GOBLIN SOMEONE GET THE AMULET!!

Comment fostering a generation that cant cook. (Score 3, Insightful) 148

I dont mind meal replacements. there are several used institutionally and in hospitals that never get this much publicity but have been around for years. My biggest concern however is our growing dependence upon multinational and branded consumer food companies to provide replacements for basic food staples. most americans already rely implicitly on betty crocker and stouffers to fill in the blanks of their culinary Repertoire. For the past 20 years most thanksgivings in america have been an olympic feast of multibillion dollar corporate sponsored brands of pre-cooked, processed foods that emerge at the supermarket shelf unaccountably and ubiquitously.

Will the soylent generation know how to steam rice, or properly cook poultry? could they prepare porridge or vegetables, or even remember how to cook dry beans? Does soylent foster an even greater social divide in the 21st century by short-circuiting the social past-time of cooking and eating together? how will this generation cope when there is no soylent?

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