Right now I'm learning to code Java - it's pretty terrible.
I know you are joking, but I worked with a guy that would do this. After he sent the executable to a customer, he would test the feature. Then, he would frantically call the customer, and tell them not to put the software in use, because it didn't work. He would repeat the process 3 or 4 times before getting the feature to work.
What ever you want is going to cost a little more than it is worth. -- The Second Law Of Thermodynamics