The one exception to this union employees, since their contracts are usually tied to minimum wage.
Usually in real life? Or usually in what you post?
It would be pretty funny if the government passed two minimum wages. Say one for regularly scheduled work during regular working hours, and a different one for jerk-around shift work. Go, unions, go.
Even with a PhD in economics, it's hard to sort out the wins from the losses concerning minimum wage—at least not without first applying a clarifying, buttery lens of ideology.
Every economic scheme redraws the map of winners and losers, both in the short term during the adjustment period, and in the long term in the equilibrium condition. Your analysis of the winners and losers strikes me as being about as reliable as a Magic Eight Ball. It's a Potemkin village of a model of a simplification.
With some actual lumber, you could also have pointed out that many contractual elements of society make a sharp distinction between "employed" and "not employed", neither of which is an entirely appropriate term when you're making $3/hour.
The Prison Industry in the United States: Big Business or a New Form of Slavery?
All of their workers are full-time, and never arrive late or are absent because of family problems; moreover, if they don't like the pay of 25 cents an hour and refuse to work, they are locked up in isolation cells.
Employed, or not employed? Are they counted in the jobs statistics, or not counted in the jobs statistics?
Maybe we should split the difference and settle on a minimum wage at which your economic relationship counts as having a real job. Then we could have the jobless rate as one statistic (including everyone stuck in a McJob), and the McJobless rate counting only those who don't even have a proper McJob (the truly unemployed, as well as the private prison workforce compensated in derisive glass beads).
I, for one, would dearly enjoy hearing some politician explain how the jobless rate went up by 5%, while the McJobless rate when down by 10% in the same reporting period. For the third consecutive time.
Sure, pay the underclass like shit. We don't need no stinking minimum wage. But integrate it into the political discourse until the facts of life in upwardly mobile America are discussed regularly on Fox News in all their naked glory.