I have a dream, that one day the FAILURES that plague us will be cleansed and destroyed! I say to you all, join me in my quest! Join with me and we will live together in an endless summer of true First Posts, with the FAILURES only a distant memory! The art of First Post must be kept pure and clean! Give me First Post, or give me death!!
I see so many people who FAIL to be first because they doubt themselves. To get first post, you must announce your post boldly! I come not to destroy the ancient art of First posting but to cleanse the FAILURES from our midsts! Believe, and it shall be so!
YOU FAIL IT!
See, see the FAILURE sky
Marvel at its endless FAILED black depths.
Tell me, IN SOVIET RUSSIA do you
Wonder why the Spork ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
Makes you feel FAILED.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your facial growth
That looks like CmdrTaco.
What's more, it knows
Your tissues smell of CmdrTaco.
Everything is a FAILURE.
Ask why, why do you even bother?
You only charm Jon Katz.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.