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User Journal

Journal Journal: Joy and fear in making big plans 2

I have been looking to the future and making big plans. Unlike many, I had NO idea what I wanted to do with my like when I was younger. As I started figuring out, there was limited opportunity to make it happen.

Now the scary part has happened. It has been figured out, and planned out. I know adjustments will have to be made, but there is sometimes a nagging fear... "What if something messes it up?" I know part of it is baggage I carry. In the past I have many times made plans only to watch them crumble like a sand castle washed away by the tide. Most of my plans also hinge on me being "SUPER STUDENT" at this point and for the next few years. It has been a LONG time since I was involved in a major educational system. I'm much older now and rusty at most of the things I was great at before.

My plans involve 4 yrs of college, and then a couple years experience before trying my tail off to get into a VERY competitive grad school. A slide anywhere in the plan over the next 6 yrs could make it darn near impossible. I could still get accepted else where, but that could mean years delay, as I probably won't be able to move out of state for many years and there are only 2 programs in my state, and one requires leaving the state for 3-4 months at a time. Again, not possible yet.

I have the determination I need to pull it off, and will probably make it fine. Only time will tell.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Reincarnation and living in forgetfulness 7

There are times when I wonder, "Why do we not remember past lives?" Wouldn't that help us to get along better in this life? Then along comes a reminder as I struggle with an issue of the past, or bad habits that I have so much trouble shaking. Now, what if I had all the problems of this life and all past ones dogging me day in and out? Not sure sanity would win out.

There are times when I have sought answers to questions where I have had SOME memories pop up from other lives. Normally this happens when I am deeply seeking to answer why I have problems or attachments that I can't understand. One example is I used to have a horrible fear of spiders. I mean terrible and unfashionable fear. If no one was around I might jump up on a table and scream. If someone were around, I would fight the fear out of pride, but still acted nuts. After a while I received a memory of a past life where I was bitten by a black widow, and went through that horrible pain. All of a sudden the fear was nowhere near as bad. I still don't like spiders so much, but I can be around them. I just ask them to stay out of sight in my house or at least near the ceiling in the corners.

Times like today I feel a bit melancholy. I think about things in my past that were either painful, or of which I feel regret. It lets me know why God blesses us with ignorance of our past lives. Many lifetimes of memory can be a heavy weight if you are not spiritually advanced enough to separate yourself from your past actions and karma. I still wish I could remember good things and spiritual advancements. I know we carry some habits and tendencies to our next life, good and bad. It is nice when you find a place where you feel comfortable in spiritual practice and good habits, and can figure out how to fight off the bad ones. I just wish I didn't feel like there were so many things I was learning over again. Seems like I have worked through many problems over and over, life after life. Maybe that is why I feel so darned old, spiritually many times. I want off this wheel, but it's not all bad. I keeps me striving to make this life my last one on this plane. Maybe I will make it.


Journal Journal: Unconditional love / seek 2

We hear about unconditional love, but what is true unconditional love? Many say it's like the love of a parent for a child. No matter what the child does, the parent will love them. I know it is so much more. Love of a normal parent does change with the child's actions. It is a love that can be disappointed in the progress or lack thereof of the child. I have disappointed my parents in the past. I know they approve of who I have become, but know they had moments of doubt that I would pull through to become a good person. This is not unconditional love. It may be the closest many get there, but it is not unconditional.

I want to know true pure unconditional love. I want to be able to feel that. I want to be able to love in a way that someone could be on death row for killing my wife and children after torturing them and me mercilessly and I can still pray for them in love that they would find their way out of delusion and that I could truly say, "God forgive him, he doesn't realize what he is doing. Open his eyes to truth and grant him blessings." I want to know a love so pure that I would love all the same. I want to love in a way that I love my own family no more than I love anyone, because I love everyone with a pure and complete love.

This is the love that I believe God has for us all. This is why I cannot see the way of many religions that say, "Our way is the only way." It is not a loving way to say most of the world will burn in hell since they do not believe our way. I can not see God as being that cruel. I also can not see how so many people (even though I used to say the same things) can continue to believe this is the way it is. I have considered myself a member of a couple different religions in the past. I have studied many different paths. What has this taught me? There are many ways to God and none IF FOLLOWED FULLY will get you to him/her.

The foundation of most religions is "love God above all. Seek God with all your heart." Why is it then that we tend to follow the legalism of our religions, but never really seek God. For example, we the Judeo-Christian scriptures say "Love the Lord your God with all your heart" Then proceeds to list ways to remind yourself of this. "Speak of my works when you retire, and when you arise. Speak of them as you walk by the way. Write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates." And so on, and so on. What has happened? We spend so much time following ritual of making sure we have the words on the doorpost that we forget to love God. That was the real purpose, to remind yourself to love God, yet we forgot to love him in the act of following the legalistic rules.

I want to be like Moses. He was the greatest profit of his time. He spoke with God, walked with him. He brought the words of God to his people, but when God asked him what he wanted, he said he wanted to see God's face. He knew the true goal, to know and love God. He could not get enough of God till he had it all, till he knew him completely. This is how I want my heart to be. I don't want to be satisfied with knowing about God, I want to KNOW God.


Journal Journal: I hear the call to create

I haven't hear the call for a long time, well, at least not this strongly. I must be creative again. I want to paint, though I have forgotten all the techniques I once knew. I want to write music, though I have forgotten how to read it. I want to write, though the subjects to write about slip through my swiss cheese memory. I just need to make the time to get back on one of these remember. Then something out of nothing, I must make.


Journal Journal: What is wrong with feeling good? 1

I was thinking about Friday. I found a cell phone at the post office and took it to find the owner and return it. I called sprint and got a message to the owner that I had it and how to reach me (in a safe way.) At that time a call came though on the phone from M_OTHER and I didn't answer it. I had looked through the phonebook for things like mom or dad to find a relative but had seen none. I had not thought they would leave a space and not fix it. The called a second time back to back and it hit me... MOTHER. I answered and told her I had found the phone and was trying to locate the owner. They (her mother and daughter) said they would meet me wherever so I told them the park entrance. When I met them there they were so sweet and thankful, and seemed almost like this very small favor had helped them believe in the kindness of strangers.

It made me feel really good as they left, and I felt guilty for feeling good! After all, give the glory to God, right. That is what so, so many ministers have taught me. Um, misinterpretation. It is ok to feel good about doing a good thing! There is no shame in the warm fuzziness, or the wanting to cry for joy that you can help another and make them happy. It is a good thing. So many ministers teach false humility, that you should suppress this kind of joy, not accept thanks and tell the person thanking you to, "Give the glory to God, sister." That is not what that means at all! How many times have I myself turned away that feeling, that reward for doing good? MANY! I found myself pushing away that joy many times and then stop doing good things because it brings no joy. That is a sin against myself! I should feel that reward because it makes me want to do more good things! That is doing good and building joy upon joy.

So now, what does it mean to give the glory to God (or the universe, or divinity, how ever you view it in your beleif system)? Simple. Realize that the only reason my heart is kind is because of God. Realize that is was God who put that task in front of me, gave me that opportunity to raise the faith of another in others. Realize and PRAISE HIM (her) for the opportunity to help. Praise him for allowing you to do that thing that brings good and joy to another. That is all it means, though it is really a big thing to do it.

I think we all have a lot of conditioned responses based on wrong teaching, wrong thinking, wrong living that we need to overcome. I know I need to take a good look at many things in my life. Well, I already have started this. Concentration would be a good tool to dissect parts of our lives and look at the cause and how to change. I good look in the preverbial mirror ever morning and eve wouldn't hurt me, it will only make me a better person, and I'm ok with being better each day ;)

User Journal

Journal Journal: Long time no write - Update 4

Wow, it has been a long time since I've written in this thing.

It has been a busy and trying time for me I guess.

My youngest daughter has been having so many seizures the past few months and we have been trying so many things to get them under control. She had a surgery to implant a Vegus Nerve Stimulator (to help control the Seizures.) Any one who knows me, I'm a major advocate for trying the least invasive techniques first and working up as you have to, and that is the way we did it too.

For a couple months we were in the Emergency Room at our local hospital 3 or 4 times A WEEK! Every doctor and nurse in there knows us by name. We have finally got down to maybe once a week. She has been having 40+ seizure's on a normal day. We don't go to the ER till it's over 20 Minutes and that's after administering Diastat (rectal Valium) at 10 minutes.

On the upside my business has picked up tough. I'm pretty booked up, though I have had to cancel a lot of appointments for ER visits and Doctor Apts. If I keep that up I may have trouble keeping patients, but so far it hasn't hurt me too bad.

I haven't had the energy to read the journal entries of friends like I used to. I haven't even read my best friends entries, so forgive me for not knowing what has been happening in your lives. I'll try to catch up, or at least start reading new entries as I am able.

User Journal

Journal Journal: In the process of change 5

I have a friend that is working very hard for Self-Realization or Enlightenment, which ever one you want to call it. However he can have extremely violent thoughts and gets severely angry at the drop of a hat. This perplexes him, that he is very spiritually advanced in some ways, and he really is, but yet, gets so violent.

This isn't very different from most people that try to better themselves. How many people that are trying to be good Christians or Hindus or Pagans or any other way they try to develop themselves spiritually, and cut you off in traffic, cuss you out, cut in line in from of you, or whatever? I do it too. What I find amazing is the way the world views people like us. What is most interesting is that most of the people that make snotty comments like, "And you call yourself a Christian (or whatever)!" art the ones that are not making any real changes in their life! If they were they would know that change takes time. But instead they prefer to put down others that are trying to make the changes they should to make themselves feel better about the horrible state of their own soul.

The worst part about being put down for professing your choice to change and making slips is that people early on in the path of change, need encouragement and will have trouble not knowing what to do when these negative impulses come up. Many get discouraged at the negative comments of others and think, "Maybe I should just give up. I'll never be good." Why do people feel the need to put others down? I think the answer is easy. If you don't feel good about yourself, deep down inside, you think you may feel better if there are more people down on your level, so you try to lower everyone who tries to be better. I'm not saying it is intentional, nor am I saying I haven't done the same myself from time to time. We should however endeavor to not engage in such hurtful and damaging actions.

The truth is that we didn't get nasty and mean over night. We didn't start cursing, driving like nuts, hurting people, killing them and making them disappear, or whatever we do in one day. We are not going to repair those bad habits in one day either. We need to encourage each other to be better. Yes, a good friend will let a friend know when they are slipping, but will do so in a helpful, encouraging way. To drag down another for not living up to their own ideals in a short time is nothing but a sign of their own lack of development. To pay attention to people that talk negatively about you in that way is to listen to a person that is, unlike you, probably not even trying to change.

Be encouraged in the positive changes you ARE making, not discouraged by the mistakes you still let slip. To focus on your faults to much means you will never see that your faults are slowly getting fewer and farther between. Keep pushing towards your goal.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Why am I so pissed? 2

It is interesting the way things look when I take a step back from them. I'm driving down the road and a guy slows down in front of me to turn a few hundred years away and I start cursing and fuming, calling him all kinds of names. Then a mile farther down the road a guy is going about 10 MPH slower then the speed limit. I start getting all worked up again. Then I stop (not litterally, mentaly) and step back. I look like an asshole! LOL!

Why am I rushing anyways? I left an hour before I had to get to work and it only takes about 20 minutes to get there, so what is my problem? Why do I expect the world to bend to my ideals? Why do I have those ideals to begin with? Do I want to be an asshole? Heck no! Ok, so I need to change. Hello mirror!

I know I haven't formed these habits overnight, so it will take a while to get rid of them too, but all I know is they have to change. Now let's see if I can change them without acting like an ass towards myself ;)

User Journal

Journal Journal: Clean your own room first! 1

It happened, I just couldn't believe it did.

I was at a friend's house the other day. We had actually just finished with a group meditation thing when we noticed flashing lights outside, so naturally we went outside to look. He lives next to a convenience store and there were two police cars and an ambulance there. We looked long enough to see what was there and say "I wonder what happened" and started to walk back towards the house... And then it happened. I woman came around the corner in her car, rolled down her window, looked at us, and yelled at us' "Stop being so damn nosy and get your ass back in your house!" I couldn't help myself. Before I could stop myself, I hollered back' "Hello kettle, Let me introduce myself, I'm the pot, and by the way your black." Did I mention she slowed way down to yell at us? It's rare to see a well grounded 60 year old man laughing so hard he can't stand up, but that is about what my friend did.

It wasn't just her though. She was a good example of what we all seem to do. It is so much easier to point out other's faults then it is to take a good honest look at ourselves. I know I don't like to look at myself that close, because I always find things that REALLY need to change. For example, I curse too much, I get angry quickly (I know it's shocking,) I have trouble setting goals and then striving for them, mainly because I get lazy. I like to play and not work too much. Now, can I fix that all in one day... Um, I wish. It's not fun to see how much work I have to do on myself, after all I'm lazy anyway, right ;)

I have been working on myself for a while now, not to be so hasty in judging others so quick though. I may not have spouted it off like that woman did, but I used to judge just as fast. I try not to. Most people that know me well say that I am much more diplomatic than they could ever be. Yea, well it started with me having a sore tongue all the time (from biting it, if ya didn't get the joke.) We all want to improve, and get better. It is one of the main reasons to keep living. We should all start with ourselves though I think. I will try to start with me.

User Journal

Journal Journal: I must write more!

I have been meaning to write everyday in my journal. It has been hard for me to find something to inspire me everyday though. I don't know if I will write everyday, but more often then I have. (Now let's see if I can keep my resolution.)

I think I will use a quote from things that I read to get my creative juices flowing if I get stuck. Lately I have been reading a lot on the development of the nervous system, from gestation through death. Could be interesting, but it's (luckily) not all I have been reading. I have been reading a lot of Paramahansa Yogananda's writings too, so I may use some quotes from him, or the Hindu books I have been reading. OK, before you all run away screaming, it's a lot more interesting than you think ;)

For today I was thinking about something Swami Sri Yukteswar said. "I do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot be in opposition to wishes of mine." No, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about others. He is just explaining how he does not allow others actions to control his life.

I have hear people say often not to let other's actions control you, but this may be the first time that I have seen good advise on how not to let it get to you. If you can really bring yourself to the point where you expect nothing from anyone else, it could really free you. Think about it.

If I can do that, I will plan my life in a manner that allows me to do everything myself, but plan it so I am not rushed and can remain joyful doing it. If I allow myself to get stressed or upset, it is likely that the reason I did is because I expected someone else to help, so I need to replan. If anyone does help, then that is all gravy, and I can be truly grateful for the help EVERYTIME I get assistance.

That sounds so much better then the way I have been living. Maybe I could stop stressing at all. Then I will have to find nice things to talk or write I could than focus more of my energy on making real accomplishments instead of wasting energy stressing out.

Hmmm.... Ya know, just writing this in my /. journal makes it to where everyone will know if I am doing this or not by the content of my posts. Interesting. It could help me focus on my goals. I think I am on to something here.


Journal Journal: Senators unite (in idiocy and bad manners) 11

Yea, I knew I said I wouldn't do it, but this one is not quite as bad.

Ok, It is confirmed, both of my senators are either not listening to me at all when I write, or are just plain stupid! I wrote a while back concerning a bill in committee. The bill would allow congress to overturn a Supreme court decision with a 2/3 vote, thus totally screwing over the system of checks and balances. It was introduced because of the outrage of many senators at the Mass court ruling it was unconstitutional to prevent gay marriage, however I wasn't even making a statement about gay marriages at all, just that the bill was unconstitutional and needed to be quashed as quick as possible. (ok, so I was little more elegant in my letters to the senators.)

Both of my senators, yes that is right, BOTH, sent me a letter that basically stated, thank you for sending a letter stating your concerns about the issue of marriage and the marriage amendment. WTF?!?!? I did not do any such thing. Can you or your employees read at all?!?! If I wanted to write a letter about the "historical definition of marriage" (Sen. George Allen) I would have, but I didn't. I said that the congress should not pass a bill that would screw the constitution once again, and blow to hell the checks that keep you stupid Senators from over stepping your bounds.

So I sat here and went through both of these letters about how they did not support gay marriage and would do all they can to stop this. I also read about how Sen. John Warner cosponsored a bill that HAS BEEN SIGNED INTO LAW that will allow a state to NOT RECOGNISE a gay marriage, even if the state they married in did (PL:104-199). The new law also defines marriage for the purposes of federal law as the union of one man and one woman and the word "spouse" as a person of the opposite sex that is a husband of wife. Well Gentlemen, you both just told me that once again you are doing the very opposite that I think should be done... But aside from that, I did not write about that dumb ass!!!!!

I am sorry for my gay friends, that the federal government has chosen to butt it's ugly head into your homes once again. I will not say that I think gay marriage is spiritually the healthiest thing you can do, but it sure as hell is not the government's business. Me and my wife will argue about this later I am sure.

How can the government take separation of church and state to the point of removing prayer from schools and yet base marriage on religious morals, and then ignore the roots of this traditional view of marriage. That is where the view of the "traditional" marriage comes from isn't it. And yet they make laws to keep this narrow view and keep a couple from professing their love for each other publicly and be recognized legally. It makes no sense to me.... Ok discuss, flame, troll, whatever.

Lord of the Rings

Journal Journal: Getting old? Heck no!

On this day in history in 1788 Virginia Became the 10th state and in 1876 was Custer's last stand and in 1962 prayer in public school was ruled unconstitutional. Wow, that is a lot for one day.

I normally don't worry about "what happened this day" but I find that the older I get the more reflexive I get as my Birthday approaches. Yes, tomorrow I will be 29... again. You see, I plan to stay 29 till my oldest daughter catches up, then remain one year older than her, which will be interesting if she decides to do the same thing when she gets over 29. I can stay young for a very long time ;)

Young really is a state of mind. I felt much older a few years back. I had quite a bit of chronic pain in my knee and back. Oh it was nothing compared to several friends on /. but it was a lot for me. It made my lifestyle slow down... Ok, slow down more. I have always been pretty easy going (on the outside anyways.) Some of my friends used to get frustrated and ask me "do you EVER get upset?!?!?!" Those that have been around me a lot know that I do get VERY upset. My wife and ex-wife really know I get upset, but I think all spouses push each other's buttons especially the first couple years of marriage. I think it is part of the growing of a close relationship.

I used to not act upset to the point of letting people walk all over me sometimes though. I think that changed when I had kids. I'll be damned if I'm going to let them be shoved around. Now I don't mean that I'm going to break up every argument they get in to with peers, I mean adults, teachers, their mother... stuff like that. Yes I did say mother. One day I may talk about the "wonderful" person that she is, but for now, I never know if my daughter will find her way here and that would not be right.

As I have grown, I am still political. I still will use good conflict resolution skills most of the time, but I am not a doormat. I have, especially in the past couple years, stopped conceding important points in the name of keeping the peace. I will not be taken advantage of. I found this a hard process to start, as people that know you still think they can push you around, but once they learn the new rules of engagement, life becomes easier.

I think as the years go by, birthdays are a good time for reflection. How am I growing, and I'm not talking about around the middle, people ;) Do I like who I am becoming? Am I going where I want to? What about my future? Am I proud of who I am? How can I be better?

I like this kind of reflection. I am going in a direction I like. It's not the same as looking back and saying if I had done everything proper (by my definition) where would I be. That is a waste of thought. No, It's about looking at now and refining your future. What am I now and how can I be better? I know I am not a failure, but I know I still need to grow in some areas. I am happy with who I have become, but still want to be better, want to grow and learn more wisdom. That is what your memories are for. They are not to dwell on and wish you could change the past. They are to find patterns that may benefit to change. They are to shape your future, not to get lost focusing on the past.

One thing to remember, you are not a sinner. You have sinned, but that is your past. Today you are a new person and are working on the now. The now plants seeds that grow your future. The harvest you have will be worth planting good seeds now, but as far as the thistles from the past, pull them out as you harvest the fruit of the past. There is nothing else you can do about it, so why worry about that. Learn from mistakes, but don't dwell on them. That is how we grow.


Journal Journal: Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast. 21

Enough with the politics for now for me, at least in my JEs. One fan gone, another gained. I think it's amazing though how when you get people riled up like that... That was the most comments posted on any of my JEs. Heck most only get 3 comments, that last one has 19 right now. Amazing what a little political fanaticism will drum up.

I have had trouble finding stuff to write about lately, writer's block I guess, so I may start using some quotes and stuff like that to get me started. I really need to write to keep the mind working and developing.

Lately I have been thinking about going back to school again. I know it wouldn't happen till at least my oldest daughter is 18 and in college herself, but I might. That is only 5 years away. I was thinking about getting a degree for a Physical Therapy career. I enjoy Massage and CranioSacral therapy, but want to be able to do more, and there are so many fights anymore over scope of practice. Even if I have been trained in certain techniques and am the best around here in it, some other branch of therapy wants to claim it as theirs exclusively. PTs seem to be the main ones trying to get all the goods, but it would also help with collecting more from insurance also. I could still do the therapies I do now, it would just add a lot more to what I could do.

Anyway. I will probably go back to teaching some and do more of it. I am waiting a couple months till other personal stuff settles down and then I will start pushing the massage school for a position, probably 2 or 3 days a week. Pay is good, and it's steady income, but really it's because I love teaching. I have a knack for it, and most students that I have had for even one day classes come to me later when they see me and tell me how influential I have been to them. It is very rewarding.

Gee this is boring stuff, no wonder there are so few!

The Matrix

Journal Journal: WTF!!!! 39

OK, I have pretty much kept the politics out of my Journal, but WTF! Bush Claimed Right to Waive Torture Laws

In light of the President's recent trying to get by on technicalities of what he said before CRAP that is going on now how can we believe when he says something like, "I have never ordered torture, I will never order torture." Ok, if he doesn't "order" it, just knows about it of even mentioned it to someone, I guess he would be fine even if they were tortured with him having FULL KNOWLEDGE. I mean how the hell can you tell anymore. The statement is too fucking vague, and we all know his vague statements are technical horseshit now, don't we!

"I accept the legal conclusion of the attorney general and the Department of Justice (news - web sites) that I have the authority under the Constitution to suspend Geneva as between the United States and Afghanistan, but I decline to exercise that authority at this time," was another of the President's quotes. Why even bother with having international law George?!?! Why don't you just go ahead and anoint yourself emperor of the world and proclaim your every whim the rule over all nations.

At least we KNEW that Billy Clinton was fucking lying to us, and it was about shit that didn't matter. Billy never did anything that really mattered either. Bush is fucking with the world in a way that hasn't been done since HITLER AND STALIN! WTF! Why the FUCK did I vote for him again? Yea I admit that 9/11 under Clinton would have probably involved grieving with prostitutes at the remains of the WTC, followed by orgies and cigar smoking in the oval office, but damn! At least I knew he was worthless. Slick Willie ain't shit compared to slimy Bush!

God help us all! I have listened to others rant and go nuts about Bush, and I have discussed it with many people I know. I have tried to look at both sides, but the more that comes out, the less that can be justified. How can ANYONE be left that has any reasoning capacity left not see what is going on!?!?!?! Who but a person that has completely and totally lost their fucking mind still believe the stupid CRAP our government puts out as truth based on ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING based in fact. Memos are found, and "misinterpreted." HOW! If you say the sky is blue and later say you meant that the sky was plaid HOW the fuck did I misinterpret that!?!?!

Damn. Somebody get me off this ride before I puke!!!!

Vote Bozo the Clown for Pres in '04!

User Journal

Journal Journal: Pride and Shame in My Fellow Man 7

I did a seach for my name in google. I haven't done it in a while, but found an article I wrote the day after the 9/11/01 attacks on a website for pain and grieving support. I thought it would be an interesting discussion. I changed my name to my alias, but other then that it is as the original.


Pride and Shame In My Fellow Man
by Wolf Elvendar

The emotions have only slightly calmed in the last 36 hours, but the resolve of Americans and free people everywhere has not dimmed. The horrible acts of terrorism yesterday have to have been the most massive and staggering act of terrorism in all of written history. I can think of no act myself.

I am today very pleased with our nation, our fellow citizens, our friends, neighbors, etc. There has been shinning in our hearts a resolve to help, in what ever way we can. Lines are 50 foot long outside the Red Cross office to give blood and they have appointments booked solid for almost two weeks locally. All manner of donations are filling the Salvation Army and Good Will, as well as many funds set up to help.

The people responsible meant to cause pain, suffering, and mainly terror and fear in our hearts. They want to destroy us, but although they have produced great worry for friends and loved ones near the attacks, they have not broken us! They have done just the opposite. They have inadvertently relit the roaring flame of patriotism and kindness in the hearts of millions that had forgotten. We have joined together to help each other and demand that the responsible pay for what has happened! I am proud of America today!

There are, however, individuals I am not proud of, and to live in the same community as them shames me. Last night in our small town, a kind and loving Arab man just paying for his gas at a local gas station was shoved around and tormented by local teens. This behavior also infuriates me. I understand we want to make someone pay, I feel it too. But the innocent American citizens must not suffer for their lineage. We must guard ourselves and protect the innocent.

Muslims that truly follow the Koran know that it teaches love and kindness, not hate. Unfortunately several militant leaders have twisted the true teachings and have inspired hate. Those of any religion need to learn for themselves what is true and not take fully for granted that what their leaders state is truth. Every responsible religious leader will tell his followers to check it out for themselves.

Not all Muslims or Arabs are to blame and we cannot harm the innocent. Have the terrorists done enough of that? Why would you destroy all we try to rebuild by doing what they have done? Yes, those responsible must pay, but the innocent must be protected. Anger is nothing but misdirected fear. I say to those teens, you are no better than the terrorists that have put fear in your heart, killed thousands and hated us with all their hearts. I hope you will turn around and be sorry...say you are sorry and ask for forgiveness.

Volunteer Hotlines:
American Red Cross
Blood donations: 1-800-448-3543
Cash donations: 1-800-HELP NOW

Salvation Army
Cash donations: 1-800-SAL ARMY

Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI)
Report any information about Tuesday's attacks:

As more volunteer committees and funds are created to assist the families of the victims of Tuesday's attacks, we will be sure to share them with you on

Copyright © 2001 by Wolf Elvendar. All rights reserved.

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COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal. -- J.N. Gray