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User Journal

Journal Journal: Methods of wasting time at work: Part II - ALT and TAB keys

Methods of wasting time at work: Part II - ALT and TAB keys

This entry for wasting time at work is for all you windows users out there. The ever important ALT and TAB keys on your keyboard.

While working at a computer, there are many things you can do that are not work related that can be fun, especially if you have internet access (which lets face it, everyone probably does). However, some of these actions can get you into trouble should your boss or superior (and in some cases a coworker) happen to walk by your desk.

If you are using windows, then you have a built in contingency plan: pressing the ALT and TAB keys.

This key combination can be very helpful, if utilized correctly. Again, timing is very important for this mehtod. Whilst looking at pr0n, playing a game, or whatever it is that is occupying your time (the time that should be spent working), keep a finger close to the ALT and TAB keys. When an uninvited or unexpected intruder walks into your office/cubicle/work area, use the preceeding instructions to appear as if you are working on something very important and work-related.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Methods of wasting time at work: Part I - the Office Dumpo

Methods of wasting time at work: Part I - the Office Dumpo

Today's method of wasting time at work deals with the all important timing of the office bathroom break.

Working for a large company, in the Information Technology department, I am required to drive back and forth between local branches and sometimes frequent Office Depot. As we all know, work related trips out of the office are great ways to waste time while you are getting paid. But why stop there? Why not combine this method of wasting time at work with the oldest one in the book: the bathroom break!

It works both ways. If I need to take a dump, I first check to see if any of my co-workers need anything from Office Depot before heading to the restroom at the office. Conversely, if I need to go to Office Depot for something, I try to muster up a dump for taking while there.

The imporatance of this method is timing. Begin regulary scheduled trips to office depot an hour or so after lunch. That way, you'll be "in the mood" and your co-workers, knowing that you will be departing for the supply store shortly after lunch, will begin waiting until you get back to give you their laundry lists. The Office Dumpo will be pre-programmed into your day. Once you arrive at said reatailer (Office Depot is not required, and just happens to be the store that I end up at the most), proceed directly to the restroom, and begin defecation. In the back of your mind, know that not only are you wasting time, but you are also getting paid (while defecating no less)!

The less used and more frowned upon alternate meaning for office dumpo (and yes, it should be lower case in this instance) is just taking a dump while at work. You still waste time and you still get paid, but anyone can just 'pinch a loaf' at the office. The Office Dumpo is a strategic gem. The only real benefits of the office dumpo in this usage is the fact that while you don't have home-toilet advantage, you are using a familiar toilet (and not the all feared public toilet used for the "public dump") and unneccessarily bothering coworkers. I guess there is a silver lining to every cloud.
Internet Explorer

Journal Journal: Slashdot still sucks 5

Well, I took some time off, and I've come to a conclusion:
Slashdot sucks no matter what time of year it is. Guess i'll
go back to full scale trolling.

That and up yours!

Journal Journal: CDPB stands against Anal Terrorism 4

The ~CDPB~, along with the United States of Trolls will stand united against anal terrorism. We have not received any word from the Spork Nation on their stance.

Slashdot is full of anal terrorism and anal terrorists. I remember on December 7th, 2001, a day that will live in infamy, when several /. authors (including cowboy neal, jonkatz, and cmdrtaco, and possibley others, though not confirmed) launched a full scale corn hole bombing against heterosexuality.

Also, think back to the terrible events of September 2001. On the 11th, the world trade center was attacked. Then on the 12th, cmdrtaco and jonkatz raped several dozen anonymous cowards in the slashdot towers.

The heinous acts of anal terrorism must come to an end.
Christmas Cheer

Journal Journal: evil slashdot

slashdot is evil...

anybody know where to get a good, cheap vaporizer?
or maybe someone has some easy plans to build one?

Journal Journal: Hello Nasty!

where you been? i've been banned but now i'm back.

hopefully, i can get banned again today.

then i can be back in time for troll tuesday (nov 6th).

right now, i got to find something to do on the internet until 5:00 rolls around. guess i could work, but seeing how i'm at work, that just doesnt seem fun to me.

buh bye for now.

( \

The 2000 Beanies

Journal Journal: Hello glorious ass-wads!

ah, troll tuesday. it would still be fun as shit if it were not for slashdot's useless database. actually, i dont know if its the database or not, but whatever it is when somtimes anything you click on besides 'read more' just reloads the front page. its assy annoying.

i am now an aspiring acoholic. just as cyborg_monkey before me, i have found a purple velvet bag of crown royal. i shall drink from it often, to dull the pain that is reading slashdot.

farewell for now, cock goblins!

Journal Journal: news today

This account or IP has been temporarily disabled. This means that this IP or user account has been moderated down too much in the last 72 hours. If you think this is unfair, you should contact If you are being a troll, now is the time for you to either grow up, or change your IP.

for fucks sake!?!

guess i'll change my ip. i dont like the other option
The Media

Journal Journal: damn 72 hour ban shit

this is getting to be some serious horse shit.

right after i get the unprecedented 4th First Post in a row, i try to follow up with a boast about it, and i get the 'this account/ip disable' fuck fest message!

i think the slashdot authors and moderators are against me (and i use the word authors in the loosest sense of the word). no one wanted to post that last story (the one i got 4th FP on) because they were afraid i would FP them. dont be afraid, its going to happen one way or another. dont you want to be remembered as the author who allowed me to FP for like the 10th time in a row? its like a fucking home run race up in here. the batter and the pitcher both get into the record books.

eat shit slashdot, eat shit and die.

guess i'll be back to trolling/crapflooding on friday or monday. i won't waste my time on reading slashdot,,,just my employers' which explains why there are no weekend posts

Journal Journal: about time

finally, after what seems like about a week waiting, my ip/account has been re-enabled. i was able to post using aol dial up, but two posts from there and i got disabled as well. guess that one was the account as opposed to the ip. oh well, fuck it. i'm back to my usual tricks
United States

Journal Journal: Trolligula has arrived

hello fellow trolls. it is friday and it is a good day for trolling. after several posts as an AC, i was quite intrigued by the idea of trolling as a man (ie-with a logged-in account). therefore, from the vile AC scum of slashdot, Trolligula has risen. after several 72 hour bans on my ip address, i remember that old gAyOL dial up account. needless to say, i am happy to be back amognst the trolling.

propz to cyborg_monkey, trollaxor, sunken kursk, and the offtopic crapflooder that got me started, strom thurmond (the oldest fart on /.)

troll on, brothers

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Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. -- Don Vonada