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Journal Journal: Dearest $$$$$exyGal 4

Topic: Dearest $$$$$exyGal

I am more than capable of making an on topic post here, but I shan't. Instead I'd like to take a moment to talk about my cock, if I may, to familiarize you with the events that are about to take place. It resembles nothing in shape so much as a fire extinguisher; a red cylinder with a circumference about equal to a petri dish and as long as a regulation yardstick, networked with throbbing veins big enough to drive a Matchbox car through, and topped by a nearly luminescent magnificent red head, as big as a mid-size cantaloupe and covered in skin the consistency of #4 grain sandpaper. I could fit your little sister's arm in my urethra.

So I'll come over to your house, introduce yourself to your Mom and talk a little bit about what I'm going to do to your anus, lay down some tarps on the floor, and commence what will no doubt be the crowning achievement of your life, even better than watching your 'fans list' growing in size. I will sodomize you like God was riding on my shoulder whispering instructions into my ear, little miss $$$$$exyGal, and this is how it'll be done.

When i was dating a girl who rather enjoyed being fisted, the first thing I learned was how to 'make the ducky,' or shape your hand into a position that could slip into the vagina with the least resistance. Then, when entrance had been achieved, the position of the hand was changed to a fist to offer more stimulus. Unfortunately for you, my cock cannot make the ducky. It's just going to have to use brute pelvic force to stretch your brown-walled turd canal to it's utmost. You may wish to practice in the intervening hours with King Cobra malt beverage bottles, just to reduce the intense, searing pain a notch or two.

There will be pain, however, and I am not cruel. I will provide you with a damp rag to clutch between your teeth, muffling the grunts and lamentations from your mouth. One would think that my pleasure would be reduced from this measure, but I must confess that I find the sounds of your rupturing colon and the gases escaping sufficiently erotic to continue my explorations. Once my cock has reached it's limit, buried deep inside you like Grant in Grant's Tomb, the true sex will begin. You and I will bond like few people can, and I may finally come to know your affection for mindless fans, which I have never supported and never will, and you will begin to know the blinding joy of forced sodomy.

And, as few people know (well, actually, SexyKellyOsbourne knows, as my pimp, and WipoTroll of course before he killed himself, and John Katz from that time in the bunker when we both thought we were going to die, and PhysicsScholar and RealWorldStuff of course know in exchange for the free education, and CmdrTaco, Hemos, Jamie, Timothy and Pudge know as valued johns, and as Rusty knows because he's from the and I fucked him), my penis is covered in a number of barbs, much like a dog's, and during coitus, these prevent my unit from slipping out of the blood-lubricated hole and disrupting my tearing rhythm. Upon orgasm, as pints of spooge rocket out of my pee-hole, burning through whatever they encounter like that burny stuff in the Alien movies, the barms withdraw and my flaccid member can resume it's rightful place in my pants.

Unfortunately, $$$$$exyGal, once I had worked my monster cock all the way up your digestive system, your immense, fat-tittied disgustingness would make it impossible for me to ever have an orgasm again, and my penis would be stuck running parallel to your spinal column for the forseeable future. Of course, I'd cut your arms and legs off to lighten the load a bit, and have my Dad bring over the Makita power sander so I wouldn't have to look at your foolish face with the first little wisps of a female-moustache growing (and I've heard hair grows after you die, so I bet that thing'll look REALLY BITCHIN once you're super dessicated) and I'd just have to wait for you to rot yourself off of my dick, as I'll be damned if we're gonna do any cutting in there. Needless to say, this does not appeal to me.

Sadly, however, I see no other options. Best tell your mom I'm on my way. I'd like peanut butter sandwiches and a tall, cool glass of milk to be waiting for me. It's gonna be a long day.

Your daddy,

Here too:

User Journal

Journal Journal: $$$$$exygal 6


Look at all the pathetic loosers who have marked $$$$$exyGal their friend. Could there be anything more lame? I would bet that its just some twisted guy out for a few laughs. I wish I had of thought of it earlier. If it isn't some bored guy with too much time on his hands (and it really is a girl), then:
1. She must be so ugly that she couldn't get laid via other means
2. She's fat
3. Probably smells
4. uhh pretty pathetic if she's reduced to being some faceless Siren, calling all the unsuspecting geek bois to come and crash into the surrounding rocks on the shores.
5. must be pretty ugly and everything.
6. Helloooo dearie, what are you doing on slashdot?
7. needs a Hello Kitty vibrator
8. get a life.
9. some of these aren't valid extensions of 'then:'
10. She probably smells funny

"Her" journal is nothing but links to softcore porn and articles about vaginas, in some simple attempt to get all you nerds who can't 'get any' to add 'her' as their friend.

$$$$$exyGal also seems to be a terrible narcissist:

Just for fun, I compared my number of fans vs. some other Slashdot folks:

1071) CleverNickName (+6)
1053) CmdrTaco (+3)
698) Bruce Perens (+?)
432) FortKnox (+1)
400) $$$$$exyGal (+37)
344) hemos (+1)
255) SlashChick (+0)

Thanks for being my fan ;-)


yeah really. fuck you. be my foe, bitch.

Why the dollar signs in your name? Is it from all the money shots you keep receiving?

I would like you to suck my arsehole for a bit please, $$$$$exyGal. Would you like that? I know I would. I think i left little chunks of shit, caked into my pubic hair, right around the opening. Please do me a favour and remove them gently with your tounge.

Now, SexyKellyOsbourne, there's a girl with style. You strike me as nothing but a whore.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Hello 4

Well, /. isnt changed for the better. if anything its getting worse, and YOU'RE NOT HELPING!

I'm sitting in my bedroom waiting for the acid to kick in, and for my best friend to come over, so I thought I'd announce my return to slashdot.

Since I stopped posting, I have been offered the chance to moderate and metamoderate. WHAT THE FUCK is up with that shit. All because I demonstrated How to go from Terrible to Positive Karma in 6 steps and my karma got positive.

So I'm back, but don't mind me, I'll be the one at the party who sneaks off with your girlfriend, and then finishes then night, standing, post-coitus, in the corner, drunk, yelling shit at the lampshade and the host's hot younger sister.

Ahh, slashdot. It's nice to be home.

User Journal

Journal Journal: We're here, we're queer, we're going to drink free beer 9

We're here, we're queer, we're going to drink free beer
More shocking proof in the linux gay conspiracy with the revelation that even penguins, the cuddly mascot of the popular operating system Linux, are known to pack fudge on a regular basis.

Officals were quick to deny any links between faggot penguins, faggot operating systems and faggot Linux programmers.

A completely self appointed spokesman for Linux was quoted as saying "This is absolutely GNU/preposterous. The thought that there might be any GNU/link between GNU/gay penguins and GNU/Linux is an outrage. Now where is my inflatable GNU/penguin gone? I might go fuck GNU/ESR up his GNU/ass now."

It is not yet known if the penguins Tacosnot each other.

More Info:

The Linux Gay Conspiracy
The Tacosnotting FAQ

Also Here
User Journal

Journal Journal: The Best Trolls Of Slashdot - 1995 - 2002 DVD 14

Hot off the press! Pre order your 'The Best Trolls Of Slashdot - 1995 - 2002' DVD now, and receive a bonus poster!! Thats right, for only $14.99 (plus packaging and handling) you get a DVD chock full of the best trolls, as featured on Slashdot AND a 30x50 poster of the man to freak friends and family out! (If you actually even have any!)

Witness all the thrills, the spills and the FIRST POST!s through out the ages.

Highlights include:

The first First Post! ever.
The first BSD is Dying ever, including a 10 minute documentary on the heritage of this particular troll and why BSD is actually NOT dying!
An interview with the man, including behind the scenes of that fateful photoshoot.
Hidden web links to CmdrTaco and Cowboyneals hidden gay porn directory on the main slashdot site.
An interview with Richard M Stallman and Eric S Raymond about the current state of the Gay Nerds Underground scene.

Plus the things they didn't want you to see:

The bitchslapped thread about bad moderation on slashdot
The WIPO Troll's shocking demise
'CmdrTaco (editor)'s rant about the demise of slashdot
The Linux Gay Conspiracy
Open Source Misconceptions

Also included:

Natalie Portman responds to the hot grits
The Zero Wing translator steps forward and apologises

More fun than a beowulf cluster of natalie portmans! Order your copy now!

Sponsored by ANUX -- A full Linux distribution... Up your ass!

Also here

User Journal

Journal Journal: The correlation between annonymous coward and penis size 5

Friends, collegues, trolls and freaks, it has come to my attention that those people who post either trolls or replies to trolls as annonymous cowards have small penises. This correlation is linked by the fact that they are too dickless to stand up and take responsibilty and accountability for what they have to say.

It is clearly a result of living in such a consumer dominated, hedonist, disposable culture based society. People want freedom, but they don't want the responsibilty that comes with it. People want a voice, but they don't want others two know who is speaking, especially when the content is along the lines of "bsd is dying lololol i am suhc a LUnix geex0r.woot wo00t".

My friends, I speak only the truth.

What can be done to remedy the situation? Well, as to enlarging your penis size, I cannot help you. I have never been faced with this problem, so I cannot speak from experience. Perhaps you should speak to CmdrTaco about it, as I understand he has recently undergone an operation relating to this somewhat embarrassing topic.

However, as for covering up the fact that you have a small cock (which, as I have previously stated, is made blaringly obvious by posting as an annonymous coward), here is the simple solution: DON'T BE A CHICKENSHIT TOSSER, DON'T POST ANNONYMOUSLY!

Also here

User Journal

Journal Journal: OH MY FUCKING GOD 12

Trollburger is back.

I just spend about twenty days masturbating non stop, and now that its all over, I've decided to come back to slashdot (only to find more self indulgent circle-jerk shit that has always been here).

I've been building up some karmawhore accounts, and I'll be modbombing any useless motherfuckers I come across. So fuck you all (except for the people who aren't arrogant fuckholes - we love you.)

User Journal

Journal Journal: Slashdot autoresponses 3

Please challenge your tiny little cookie cutter of a mind to punch out something that is a bit more unique than the standard crap that is mindlessly regurgitated on slashdot.

001 : First Post!
002 : Slashdotting
017 : Cowboyneal joke
045 : BSD is dying
064 : Reposting information from a ./'ed site
065 : Google Cache
082 : Beowulf cluster
087 : Finally be able to compete with MS/Sun
096 : GNU/Linux mutilation
104 : Hot grits
115 : X11 sucks/unstable
125 : CmdrTaco joke
137 : Too many 'standards'
138 : Are they really open standards?
142 : This isn't news for nerds
146 : Newsflash!
152 : DCMA
183 : Tightening Grip (Starwars)
197 : Steven King is dead
200 : Timothy is a faggot
210 : Michael censors posts
227 : So you like your pages W I D E N E D?
253 : BSOD
297 : All your base
298 : All your *variable*
369 : Brief Natalie Portman comment
374 : Bitchslapped thread
383 : Step 1, Step 2, Step ??, Profit!
432 : Security by Obscurity


I'll add more here as you brainlessly shit them out. Add a comment below if you can think of more.

Read any comments for extra credits

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