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Submission + - Bill Gates Spends First Day Back at MS Failing To Install Windows 8.Reverts to 7 ( 1

JeffClune writes: Bill Gates’s first day at work in the newly created role of technology adviser got off to a rocky start yesterday as the Microsoft founder struggled for hours to install the Windows 8.1 upgrade.

The installation hit a snag early on, sources said, when Mr. Gates repeatedly received an error message informing him that his PC ran into a problem that it could not handle and needed to restart.

After failing to install the upgrade by lunchtime, Mr. Gates summoned the new Microsoft C.E.O. Satya Nadella, who attempted to help him with the installation, but with no success.

While the two men worked behind closed doors, one source described the situation as “tense.”

“Bill is usually a pretty calm guy, so it was weird to hear some of that language coming out of his mouth,” the source said.

A Microsoft spokesman said only that Mr. Gates’s first day in his new job had been “a learning experience” and that, for the immediate future, he would go back to running Windows 7.

Submission + - CowboyNeal Locked In Basement For Opposing Slashdot Beta ( 23

Robotron23 writes: Slashdot's finest editor to date has been mercilessly locked in a basement filled with fuzzy dice Dice created to furnish Google's self-driving cars. Screaming, followed by sounds of frenzied masturbation, have been reported from the subterranean dungeon. "There's no way enough ejaculatory fluid is getting sprayed on our dice to make us care about this deluded protestor's opinion." a Dice executive commented earlier. Former Slashdot owner turned professional millionaire Robert Malda, expressed support: "No porn. More dice than a casino. Lame."

Submission + - China Announces Plans to Export Greenhouse Gases to Terraform Mars (

An anonymous reader writes: As an extension of China’s $16 billion plan to combat air pollution in its cities, today the CNSA announced an ambitious plan to export the nation’s emissions to Mars. The unprecedented plan would greatly reduce emissions on Earth while warming the climate on Mars.
It's funny.  Laugh.

Submission + - Science Writer Ed Yong Reveals Custard Truths (

Robotron23 writes: Ed Yong of the popular British science magazine Discover has revealed results of his long-awaited custard research. Yong, an award-winning science writer, said he'd journeyed to the sprawling Amazonian rainforests to discover the origins of the popular dessert sauce. The results, to quote a certain sci-fi character, were "Fascinating..."
It's funny.  Laugh.

Submission + - Robert De Niro Sets New Guinness World Record (

Robotron23 writes: Dramatic scenes erupted in Manhattan this evening as veteran actor Robert De Niro achieved a world record. The feat took 8 hours, 48 minutes and 51 seconds. Fellow Hollywood auteurs were keen to praise De Niro, whose endurance is now officially unmatched by any actor. The record concluded with a brave attempt to set another — 'Loudest sound made whilst drinking' — this narrowly failed, leaving the actor with mild intestinal problems.

Submission + - Capt. Picard Calls Old Spice Man About Leaked File (

Robotron23 writes: In an unexpected twist of events in the Wikileaks scandal, it emerged this evening that Patrick Stewart had interviewed Isaiah Mustafa, famous recently for his Old Spice endorsements. One of the 91,000 leaked files had apparently contained a letter and photo alluding to Mustafa as a 'special operative' in Afghanistan. It was spotted by fans of the sports star and has proliferated online since; Sir Patrick obtained a copy this morning and used his connections to gain an interview with Isaiah himself.

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