Uh, do you work for Apple, or are you just....not that bright?
"don't want to mess with the filesystem" - wait, what? who does that these days, and not only that, how is it a requirement of a Windows computer? at no point is this ever required.
"don't want a browser vulnerable to malware" - you can choose any browser you want on Windows, no-one is required to use IE.
"don't want to mess with drivers" - honestly, when was the last time you had to do this? Since XP and later generally shit just works.
"(or worse, dick around with file sharing over a network)" - uh, since when is this complicated. i open explorer, i click another computer on my network, get prompted for a username, i enter it, and it works - it's so simple it's not even funny, and it's pretty comparable to networking on OSX as a matter of fact.
Your "arguments" aren't really valid, it's as though the last time you used Windows was back at version 3.11. Either that or you just enjoy spreading FUD in service to the mighty Steve Jobs. I'm getting so tired of people parroting arguments against Windows that haven't been valid for many, many years.