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Journal FortKnox's Journal: IT Flirting 61

New chica got her cube right across from mine (our backs are to each other, but its open with a tiny 1-person hallway between us). She's pretty attractive and entirely single. Now I'm witnessing all the single guys come in to see how she is doing (her second week), and trying very hard to flirt.

What a bunch of pathetic dimwits. The flirting is ATROCIOUS! I know its IT and we're all selfconsious nerds, but come on!! I'm not a playah or anything, but compaired to these guys, I'm Don Juan! The fake laughing, the 'trying too hard'... its really starting to annoy the heck outta me.

For those that need pointers (like I said, I'm no romantic or anything), just be yourself, carry on a conversation, make eye contact, and don't try to hard. If it doesn't happen, that's good... you should have an idea of the type of women that are compatible with you and which aren't. You want to be a bf to the ones that are... trust me ;-)

Anyone else had similar stories? What about questions if you feel like you are the anti-donjuan? I'm sure bethanie and the other chicas will help answer.
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IT Flirting

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  • If I had to externally rate my flirting styles (if you could even call it flirting), I would give myself a 8 (out of 100 :P). It's not that I'm super shy or anything, but I get anxious when talking to girls that I like. Not to mention that I have the tendency to be really dense when it comes to girls flirting with me, that is, I usually don't pick up the signals.

    That's not to be saying that I haven't seen some really pathetic flirting attempts, but I'm not Don Juan either ;)

  • "How can you stand all that pathetic flirting?"

    laugh "Yeah, it is sad!"

    "Wanna fuck?"



  • (translation: fat, boring, and ugly)

    Actually, I'm told often that I'm not a bad looking guy, but I don't feel that way. I am conciously single[1] because I've only ever found that one woman that ever made me want to change my daily routines and stuff to include her. She's gone.

    I have TONS of female friends, many in the "DAAAAAMN!" catagory. When we go out drinking, I'm always the one that gets to take them home or pretend to be their boyfriends when the obnoxios "frat boy", "playa", or such won't leave
    • The infamous safe guy.

      I was one of those for a while. Didn't like it, changed into a nice asshole. You know the type.

      Yep. Worked like a champ.

      BTW, I'm not knocking you Ab, nothing wrong with being the safe guy.
      • See, I end up screwing that up. Either I'm too nice where people think I'm a dear good friend (nothing horrible about that), or I try too hard to be an asshole (which really isn't too hard for me, now I think about it ;)

      • I was a "safe guy" about 1.5 years ago. I liked the woman and finally said that it was tantamount to torture going out with her all the time knowing that she was off limits and that being "just friends" was not for me. A week later she called asking me out. She's heavily into her career, as am I. We aren't "going out", per se, but when there's a pseudo-date to be had it's usually the two of us. We aren't clutchy or clingy and aren't looking for a permanent thing at the moment.

        There's nothing wrong with bei
        • Conveying feelings is an ABSOLUTE MUST. Glad you had the balls to lay your cards down (I probably wouldn't have been able to).
        • That or lie and say you can't go out with her anymore or talk on the phone because you are seeing someone and don't want to mess it up. She'll freak and go after you. :-)

          • Yeah... but then that's lying to her. So if things worked out in the long run I'd have that guilt knowing that it was all built on a foundation of lies. I sleep better being brutally honest (even if that means getting my face slapped or pepper sprayed :))
            • No dude, if she only wants you if you are already with someone, there isn't going to BE a long run. This would just be if you wanted a date or to maybe have sex with her. Girls that only go after guys who are with someone else are usually after an ego boost rather than a commitment.
          • So what happens if she would just wish you well and just feel really hurt, but won't date the male person because she's not ready and she's not sure she'll ever be ready and yet she's concerned cause she might find someone she likes more then said male and yet male can't give up hope cause he's madly in love...

      • I kinda did the same, but it wasn't really a conscious decision. At some point I stopped caring about what other people thought unless they meant something to me. It was a slow process that basically happened over a couple year relationship, but about a month after that relationship ended I finished the transformation completely of my own will.

        I guess I'm only really called an asshole sometimes though. I know I don't feel like one and I know I have many very good friends. I think the label comes from the fa

  • There's a guy I work with at the bar. He's 24 and about 5'3" (if that). He's not built bad, but he has the attitude of Joe Pesci. Every semester when we gete the new crop of waitresses in, he finds one of the underage ones and does his little routine. It's actually pretty sad to watch him get into their pants because he gets them into other bars. It usually lasts for 1-2 months before the girls finally realize he really is a toolbag and dump him.

    I think the eworst part is that it pisses me off to see
    • i think girls think it's cute when guys are total asses, even if they get sick of it in only a short period of time.
    • I kinda agree with whiteranger on this point. The only time I had a girl hanging on me was when I was purposely trying to get rid of her (when I met my wife). Treated her worse and worse, and she clinged on me and every word I uttered.

      Some girls just wanna date assholes I suppose.
  • Women don't want an honest guy. If guys were honest with women, the damn species wouldn't stand a chance.

    I was kind of dumbfounded the first time my girlfriend basically said "I don't want honesty, I want you to say things that make me feel good, even if they are lies". Pathetic as it may be, my friends, that's just how it works. Honesty will get you good friends and whatnot, but, unless you're the .01% of males out there who do actually happen to be perfect, you're not going to get a girlfriend being hone

    • Lies, eh? *fires up imagination to generate good lies to tell the ladies* ;)
    • i am far from perfect, but i'm also honest. i've been in a stable relationship for 8 years with the woman who is now my wife. some women are comforted knowing that their man will tell them the truth. my wife likes knowing that i tell her what i think. not only does it give her better data to work with, it makes it mean more when i give her compliments. then again, there's a difference between women who just want to date around and women who want to settle down.

      in a way, honesty can be bad, but i think
      • Honesty always works. You can only remember so many lies, and those you can only remember so long. The truth is always present and it takes little to remember it. Tell the truth and you only have to dig out of a hole when you do so without tact.

        I'm honest to a fault, and I'd actually go and rat myself out if I ended up doing something stupid. It helps that the chances of such are incredibly low, but I'd do it anyway. The only catch... I expect the same. To me honesty means being forthcoming and not lying. I

    • I think that you are mistaking the issue. It isn't the fact that they lie that makes it work. It is the fact that when they lie, they appear to be the following:

      1. Confident
      2. Affected by the girl. What that means is that when she dresses up, they notice. They compliment. They look at her like she's desirable, and by doing so, they make her feel desirable.

      Chicks don't want to be lied to. What they want is someone who says all that crap and means it. Yeah I know, we're not the brightest when it comes
      • Does that make any sense?

        It makes perfect sense, but you're probably one of those nice, sensible women who avoid the eye contact nice guys try to make before initiating conversation. The assholes don't care if you want to talk. They're playing percentages. Nine outta ten times, their cheesy lines get the shit slapped outta them, but that tenth time -- that's magic.

        The nice guys try to make eye contact to look for signs of interest. Avoidance of eye contact means you're not interested. Maybe you're

        • Nine outta ten times, their cheesy lines get the shit slapped outta them, but that tenth time -- that's magic.

          There's a "comedian" here in Australia called Kevin Bloody Wilson. He sings songs - sometimes parodies of well known songs, sometimes completely his own work. Some are borderline crude, the rest go WAY over the crudity line. In the right context, his stuff is magic though. (ie, when you are well and truly smashed and with a bunch of friends is a good context for his stuff.)

          Anyway, one of his song
        • I say this with utmost respect - but what you just said - is what defeats nice guys from the very microsecond that they start.

          I hate this. hate it hate it hate it. Guy thinks girl is cute, desperately looks for any sign that they have a chance. If they feel that there is any chance that she could be suckered into feeling sorry for them enough to say yes for a date, they cautiously set in to see how far they can go before the inevitable rejection comes down.

          Screw that! I don't want them to evaluate me t
          • "You have no idea how many times I have met a guy..."

            I wouldn't interpret that behavior the way you are. Their opinion of you isn't being lowered... It's being raised. I can tell you those guys are just as afraid, if not MORE afraid, because of that... But instead of you just being a pretty face, you're now an interesting person, as well. You haven't lost stature, you've gained it.

            I suppose I can't talk for all guys, either... But that's the way I am, and I don't think I'm that different from othe

            • You are probably right. But sometimes it really did come across as if I was some kind of consolation prize. And it happened to me so often (I was one of very few girls in my university comp-sci department) that it became very predictable, which didn't really reflect well upon the guys either. My joke at the time was that first they saw 'girl' and got scared. But then they figured out 'geek' and felt more comfortable. Finally, they arrived at 'geek with boobies' - a case where they didn't have to leave the
              • "I certainly never assumed that it meant I was that attractive or interesting."

                Well, you certainly seem interesting to me. :)

                Candid is good. I decided a long time ago that I'll discuss just about anything that isn't private to someone else (like, I wouldn't explain a friend's medical condition (if he had one), for example). But anything about me is OK. I suppose that could disturb people, but I tend to find the conversations are interesting. (heh... see my last journal entry for an example. :)


                • I'll do you one better. When I was in college, I had 4 housemates. One Matt (my name is not Matt, but for some reason, many people have mistakenly called me Matt, I guess I look like one) and THREE guys named Chris.
                  *Ring Ring*
                  "Yeah, is Chris there?"
                  "Uh... could you be more specific?" :-)
          • Okay, this is going to sound really pissy, but try to read it as a friendly can of attitude whoopass. Your exchange with Zirnike has defused it a bit but...

            *rant on*

            If they feel that there is any chance that she could be suckered into feeling sorry for them enough to say yes for a date, they cautiously set in to see how far they can go before the inevitable rejection comes down.

            If I try to make eye contact with you, it is not to try to make you feel sorry for me. I'm deciding if you're friendly enou

            • I think that's a little harsh...

              Women still seem to be 'taught' not to be forward. It's a hard thing to get over. Because it's not a fact to dispute, it's ingrained.

              Example: I was brought up Roman Catholic (if you sin, regret it for the rest of your life). I'm now a Discordian (bring chaos to the world, and do what you want as long as you don't cause harm). I still feel guilt for some things that I know I shouldn't. I know I should release emotions sometimes... yet even if I get drunk, I'm still

              • I couldn't come up with a way to make the points I wanted to make without sounding harsh. That's why I waited so long to even respond. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but there was a hell of a lot of presumption in her post. I don't know how a woman could meet a nice guy going into it with those sorts of preconceptions.
            • Fair enough comments. Keep in mind that I was trying to be completely candid, rather than trying to sugarcoat. If you really feel hurt and insulted by my reply, I apologize and I shall make sure to take special care to curb my candour in future replies to you (if however, you are in some sense enjoying the process of passionately pointing out the craziness of my ideas, and would prefer that I say them so you can respond rather than never hearing them at all, then life is good). Either way, just let me kn
              • Fair enough comments. Keep in mind that I was trying to be completely candid,

                Candor is precisely what I want. I'm not personally insulted, but I think your attitude toward those guys is terribly insulting. I've been a geek since long before anyone thought it was cool. I've hung around nerds and geeks of all sorts most of my life, and I've never known any guy, no matter how uncool and unlikely to "score", who would knowingly accept a pity date. I suppose they exist, but I think you're projecting a hel

          • I'd quote and cheer and all that other stuff about this post, but instead I'll just say "co-sign"

            Shy geeks, we see you. We see you look, we see you freak out, and then we see you never show an interest again.

            We also see you look clueless when we hit you with large flirty bricks, so we give up.

            • i know i was guilty of that for a long time. girls would flirt with me and i would just not get it. i'd think, "she's being a great friend, i wonder if she's interested in me." it wasn't until college that i started figuring it out.

              i'm glad i did. but now that i've figured it out, i'm married and don't need to learn how to meet members of the opposite sex anymore.

              i used to wonder how things might have turned out if i'd ever caught on that some of the girls i have been interested in actually felt the s
      • "Do you have any idea how much it sucks ... ask you out are assholes?"

        Why don't women ask guys out? It's been 40 or so years that it's been acceptable. Pretty much all women in my dateable range (I'm 29) had to be brought up in this time frame.

        I think guys have always been this way. The nice guys are (essentially) too afraid of women to ask. I know I am (I'll leave the 'naughty or nice' determination for people without blatent self interest in the decision. :). If women want a nice guy, why not ask

        • Girls don't ask guys out because they are every bit as afraid as you are, silly.

          I don't know why - but when I was younger I did it too. I remember going to an alternative bar with my girlfriends every weekend when I was 19-20, and desperately hoping that somebody would see me, that somebody would notice me and think how sad I looked, and see something there that made them want to make contact. I was so lonely it was unspeakable. But that wasn't enough to make me look through the room and decide who I th
  • Well, I suppose I can, but I can't ever tell if it's working or not, when I have. So I just gave up "trying". I've had my wife tell me that other women were checking me out or liked me because I'm just oblivious to it. I can't for the life of me figure out what a woman would see in me.

    Which is probably part of my charm. ;)

  • Buddy of mine found a good way to drive off the boneheads that would collect in the aisleway. I don't recommend this particular approach, but it has worked for him.

    My friend had a problem with one person in particular that would stand just outside of his cube, flirting with some chick close by, and he decided the path to glory was to gas them away. He took to eating beef ramen noodles and greasy breakfasts. After one "incident" all he has had to do was merely mention the "incident" again and the offender

    • Umm... I have IBS and am on a high fiber diet. Its definately a possability, but I don't want to harm the poor girl ;-)
    • Your friend's name wouldn't be "The Spleen" now would it?

      Damn I loved that movie. ;-)
      • BEST.... MOVIE.... EVAH!

        I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines!

        Once you can balance a tackhammer on your head, you can head a balanced attack! Why am I wearing watermellons on my feet? I don't remember saying to do that.

        What's his power? He's terribly mysterious!

        I could quote them all day! :-D
        • God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.

          To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.

          We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering.
  • just be yourself, carry on a conversation, make eye contact, and don't try to hard.

    for some of us its really hard to carry on a conversation. some women have heard so much bull that at first its up to the guy to be witty or interesting. girls can be on the fence about a guy until he wins them over, can't they?
  • I usually stay away. Not like take detours around them stay away. But I make sure that I'm not part of that crowd of morons and creeps who flock around the new chick. I'm polite and I'm helpful, I just don't treat them any different from anyone else. And because I am the only one who's not obviously out to get into their pants it means that they feel they can relax easier around me. End result: They come to me with questions or simple smalltalk, on their terms and at their leisure.

    Unfortunelately I'm much

  • I am actually quite good at the whole flirting thing. It's just being natural, talking to women as if they are normal people and not staring at the breasts. While I am not an overly confident person and it can take me a little while to open up to someone, once I feel comfortable and I am at ease, I can really turn on the charm. I don't have any set patter, unlike a friend of mine, who has a routine that some of our friends can recite word for word (and it doesn't get him anywhere because it sounds so fake a

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