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Journal FortKnox's Journal: Fun and Humor 26

OK, its around 50-51 comments of people bellowing back and forth on my war JE. Some are honest and mature debates, others are flamebattles and cheap shots (hey, I mentioned the suicidal french chef).

Regardless, I think we should humor ourselves, so how about some jokes/quizzes/puzzles/whatever so we all don't kill each other (I think Twirlip already has a price on his head) ;-)
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Fun and Humor

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  • How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None, cannot reproduce bug locally.
    • Nice,
      I am sorry, but I have a lot of canada jokes...

      There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
      "You know," said one of the explorers, "we should name this place we're hiking through."
      "I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
      "Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
      "N, eh."
      "D, eh." And that's how they named Canada...

      Canada volunteered 10 Battleships, 4 Jet Fighters, and 200 Soldiers to the U.S. anti-terrorism cause, af
      • Well the way the name Canada actually came about is even funnier. Canada means small village in one of the native languages. When the first explorers came to visit a native invited him to the village. He waved his arms and said "Canada, Canada" The explorers though he was telling them the name of the land when really he was just inviting them to the village.

        Of course the way America got it's name is even funnier.
    • Re:Lightbulb (Score:2, Informative)

      by jeffy124 ( 453342 )
      true story...

      At Drexel's basketball arena, there's a red light behind the backboard that lights up when the closing buzzer sounds. It's meant to give the ref a visual signal of the end of a half, should someone be in the act of shooting.

      So one game the light at one end was out at halftime. During the intermission, three (yes, 3) teamsters changed the bulb. One carried the ladder and set it up. The second climbed the ladder, took off the bulb's cover, and swapped bulbs. The third carried in the new bu
    • How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

      Hah! Trick question. That is a hardware problem!
  • Why don't they teach sex Ed and drivers Ed at the same time in Iraq?

    They don't have enough camels.
  • My Grandfather died in a concentration camp... ... he fell out of the guard tower.

    My Jewish roommate told me that.

    What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?


    How do you blindfold an Asian?

    Dental Floss

    All my Irish jokes are too long to type out... and require an Irish accent for them to be quite funny.
    • Here's one me dear mum sent me.

      An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor after a lengthy examination, sighed, looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. You'd best put your affairs in order.

      O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being a solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting. "Well son, we Irish celebrate when

  • Two gentlemen were walking along one day when they found a large hole in the ground. They couldn't see the bottom. One asked the other, "Hey, how deep ya think that thang is?" The other responded, "Well, let's drop a rock and count how long it takes to hit the bottom. Then we can calculate the distance." So they grabbed a small rock and dropped it in the hole, but it never made a noise. So they grabbed a larger rock and tossed it down, but it also did not make a noise. Then they picked up a railroad

  • here []
  • Some Jewish knowledge required to appreciate the hilarity of these, especially the second, but since FortKnox asked:

    In a Hasidic fish market in New York, a carp suddenly began shouting in Hebrew and prophesying doom. []

    In Israel, Yoplait introduces hamantaschen flavor yogurt [].

  • has a price on his head? Must have been that Aussie wine comment. Everyone knows California makes better wine, than those darn Kangaroo ridin' Aussies! ;)

    My favorite joke:
    Two cannibals are sitting around a fire, eating a clown
    One cannibal says to the other: "Does this taste funny too you?"
    • Cali makes a good red but the whites suck ass.
      • Re:Twirlip... (Score:1, Offtopic)

        by DaytonCIM ( 100144 )
        Never been a fan of white wine... so I'll take your word for it.

        My wife and I spent a long weekend in SF last year. We cruised up to my Alma Mater (SSU) and spent a good part of the day at the Kendall Jackson winery. Great Reds. And they partnered up with a couple of vineyards in Central and South America that honestly were producing some really tasty Reds.

        Anyway, if you ever get up to the Santa Rosa area, check out the KJ vineyard. Oh and Parducci is up there as well. Check them out. Good Italian fam
  • disclaimer: only read these if you can stomach bad jokes. then really only read if it doesn't matter that these are actually terrible jokes.

    how many elephants can you fit in a VW beetle?

    four - two in the front, two in the back.

    what did tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill?

    "here come the elephants running over the hill."

    what did tarzan say when he saw the elephants running over the hill wearing sunglasses?

    nothing, he didn't recognize them.

    how can you tell if there i

Asynchronous inputs are at the root of our race problems. -- D. Winker and F. Prosser