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Journal FortKnox's Journal: To Railgunner 19

I hate it when people don't enable comments, so I have to make a whole JE post just to reply.
I'm replying to this entry (BTW - if you enable comments, I'll remove this JE, then post it as a comment).

One thing I can tell you as a father of both a son and daughter is that boys bond with their mothers, and girls bond with their fathers. Yeah, you expect to be the one that's detached from the situation. Maybe you'll end up with a tomboy because you don't do the girly things. The one that will stand as far away from the pink clothes as possible. You probably have younger sisters and don't want anything to do with them. But when that child is born and gets old enough to interact with you, there isn't a single thing she will do wrong in your eyes. You will come back to that JE and laugh at how you thought it was going to be. Cause every single parent you meet will be sure to tell you "I expected things to change a little. I never expected everything in my life to change as much as it did."
Just wait and see....
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To Railgunner

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  • My real comment (had he enabled them) would have been to wait and see how you feel when your kid is born. It's easy to say things before the fact, but you can't tell how you'll feel about the child until after the child arrives. There are many ways to bond with your kid. I mean, take Tankdagger's journal []. That's very close to how I feel. It's amazing how much I love and care for our kids. To contrast that, though, I remember my wife being scared before our oldest was born. She loved me, she loved her parent
    • Normal people don't secretly wish for a stillbirth. Monsters do.

      Normal people don't think SIDS would be OK. Monsters do.

      Normal people, when asked to build a crib, don't imagine a coffin. Monsters do.

      I'm not normal right now.

      But I am smart enough to realize I need help, and that I'm going to get it.

      FK brings up a little sister. I have a sister, and I despise her.

      So that's why I won't be posting very often in the short term future.

      For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of myself.

      • Normal people think all of that and then some. Normal people kick the kid into their own crib at 3 months and let them cry themselves to sleep. This is normal- it will also pass.
      • The fear is healthy, given what you say that you feel. You left it in God's hands, and you've been presented with an opportunity for change and growth - having been blessed with intelligence, perhaps Someone thought that you needed to grow in other ways.
      • You must be upset, you didn't even respond to my shutout comment. :^/

        Sorry, when times are bleak, I tend to make really inappropriate comments. Trying to get a smile.

        That said, I'm glad you're going to get help. I also think (hope?) that you'll change once the child is born. It's cliche because everyone says it, but it's unfathomable and completely surprising how much you change upon seeing your child. However, your sister comment adds a degree of worry. I'm not too friendly with my older sister either (wel
      • Seriously, Railgunner, I question the sanity of anyone who is not at least ambivalent about having any child. It changes your life forever in ways that you cannot comprehend until it happens to you.

        Although my wife and I agreed to have a child, I really wasn't that interested in it. I was interested in a clinical sense, and in my wife's health through the pregnancy, but it seemed sort of unreal to me. And I'll be honest, I wasn't sure how I'd deal with a girl being born, either. I did wind up having a

      • I'm not normal right now.

        That's the only important thing you've written, right there. You recognize that something's not right, so the next step is getting some help about it. Whether spiritual, familial, psychological, or whatever, get some help.

        My wife and I had twins a few years back, and when those twins were a mere 3 months old, we found out (surprise!) that #3 was on the way. After a few rounds of "WTF are we gonna do???", we discovered that we would make it, and things have worked out. About a y
      • "For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of myself."

        Join the club. We've got jackets. :-)

        Seriously. If you've made it this far without ever fearing yourself, you're uncommonly lucky. Good people wish for bad things all the time. Good people do bad things now and then. Having bad thoughts doesn't make you a monster.

        Monsters don't know what evil is, or like doing evil things. Monsters may even be people who believe that because they are good, nothing they do could be evil. (The biological father of my step
      • Normal people, when asked to build a crib, don't imagine a coffin. Monsters do.

        So do goths. That is all :)

        Your perspective, your mindset, your beliefs will alter the development of your Child. Even if you fail to bond with them that too will affect them. Carrying a seed of hatred towards your child will be something that even if you can contain within yourself will bear fruit in your child.

        The only force in this universe you can truly control and ever gain mastery over is yourself. That alone is truly a
  • And this is as good of a place as any. You know I'm not religious, RailGunner, but I also know that you are. You said that you were leaving the choice of a having a child to God and would accept what he gave you. God gives you what you need, not what you want. As much as you are going to change and influence that little girl, she is going to change you, too. And that is, I think, what you're afraid of. But God would not have given her to you if she weren't for you. For YOU!

    I agree with FK that you'

    • Amen to that.

      RailGunner, if you're reading:

      "A little girl is going to be born who will never know that her father secretly hates her, because her father is smart enough to hide it."

      No, you're not. Smart has nothing to do with it. You might fool yourself, but you won't fool her.

      Now go back and read what Shadow Wrought wrote again. And again. And again. And keep reading it until you realize, until you know, until you BELIEVE that God has given you an agent of change. There are no half-measures here. You can e
  • I know that it's just as easy to connect with them as I imagine it would be with a boy. And to echo what Sam and ShadowWrought have said, you do not know what will happen until you are actually standing in that moment.

    Girls can play guitar, too. And I expect that she will be a rabid Tigers fan.

    One hopes, though, that she does not read that JE until she is mature enough to understand it.
  • I have a son. I would have been happy with either. Your first child will change your life in ways you can't predict- and that's the whole purpose in being a parent. I think RG saw darkness in his own soul- and by not enabling comments doesn't realize that his soul is no more black than the rest.
  • RG:

    Are you a monster? Maybe, maybe not.

    Will you be a good parent? Maybe, maybe not.

    That you'd be more accepting of the situation if it were a boy indicates that you've bought into the whole "child as temporal exension of self" bit, and that dealing with that aspect of it may make the situation tolerable for you in the short term, and buy you enough time and "space" to grow into an appreciation of all the good things of having a daughter.

    I knew a couple who were in a similar situation, including the

  • I know you want to be all Monstery but you're not.

    You're not excited about the birth of your daughter? Big deal.

    You think horrible thoughts? We all do. The weak, the truly weak, act on them.

    Even I had doubts about all this [].

    Bottom line RG, you're having some "I'm Hard-Core" Pity-Fest.

    Get over yourself.

    If you "secretly hate the girl" she'll know because you're not that smart (way back machine?) and Howard Stern will interview her in 17 years and we'll all hear how she dances at Scores because her father su
  • 42:10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.

    42:11 Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before, and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him over all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him: every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold.

    42:12 So the LORD blessed the latter

"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure