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Submission + - Data center house of horrors (

mstansberry writes: A colony of freaks in a data center wasteland, the server vendor from hell, the mainframe that wouldn't die... read these submissions and prepare for the hideous, the absurd and the all-too-real terrors in this data center house of horrors.

Submission + - Week Long prank (

GarryFre writes: Sometimes even the most innocuous program can be used by clever and devious computer geeks for the most hilarious pranks. This is a story of one such prank by an entire workforce against a particularly obnoxious and abusive know-it-all supervisor...

About 15 years ago, I wrote a program called Chirper. It would cause each key to emit a particular musical note through the PC speaker when pressed. It was *intended* for blind users — particularly a fellow student that was blind, who showed me the major problem with the software is it would voice out all the key presses and so it's maximum working speed was a dumb crawl of 20wpm. My answer to this was the Chirper. Once a user learned the sound of the keys they could recognize them by the sound and it was not limited by the speed of the speech processor. It could be toggled on and off by double-pressing the Control Key.

Well this friend of mine worked for the US postal service tech support dept and there was this arrogant, and abusive, know-it-all supervisor everyone hated and they installed Chirper on his workstation and when the guy came to work he started typing away and asked what that chirping noise was.

One of the workers jumped back and said "Oh you got the "Chirper Virus! Stay away from my machine or you give it to it."

The supervisor said "You idiot! You can't give a computer a virus by touching it!". Another worker said "Oh yes you can!" and Dave (Name changed) said "It only responds to the person who gave the computer the virus in the first place. ... Let me show you." So Dave goes up, toggles it off and shows how he can type on this supervisor's computer without getting chirps and then toggles it back on and says "Now You try" and of course it chirps.

The supervisor fell for it, and all that week he would get callers asking what the chirping noise was and when he attempted to explain that he had given the computer the virus and that it had to just "Run it's course" like some cold and would get ridiculed by the callers who would insist on talking to someone else.

So on Friday at end of day they uninstalled it and left him a note telling him how he had been the fool of the week. They supervisor was furious but could not do a thing about it. He couldn't very well fire the entire work force, and he couldn't even complain because he'd have to divulge how much of a fool he had been.

Never piss off a bunch of computer techs. They will get you in the end.

In case you doubt here is the assembly language code for Chirper.asm as it was submitted to the public domain in 1992 ...


Submission + - Email dump reveals scientist's curse-filled war (

sciencehabit writes: These e-mails have to be read to be believed. Over the past few years, an outspoken and controversial frog expert has sent a series of expletive-filled e-mails to biotechnology company Syngenta, which contain sexually explicit descriptions of rape, quote rap lyrics, and wax philosophical in taunting verse. The company has now made 102 pages of these documents available online.

Submission + - Man Caught Marinating Cat In Car Trunk (

BigSes writes: A Buffalo man, Gary Korkuc, was arrested by police for running a Stop sign. What they found upon opening the trunk was shocking. A live black cat was found marinating in a sauce made of red chilis, salt, oil and other ingredients. Korkuc, 51, claims the he was not going to eat the cat, but that he was on his way to return it to the animal shelter, and that the cat had miscarried and thats what the substance was. Further review deterimed that the cat is indeed a 4-year old neutered male. The suspect denies all charges and also claims that the police were in the process of fire-bombing a nearby building when they decided to stop him.

Submission + - Girl quits job on dry erase board, emails entire o ( 4

suraj.sun writes: Girl quits her job on dry erase board, emails entire office (33 Photos)

Young woman has job. Boss calls young woman "hot piece of ass." Young woman quits, uses dry erase board to fire back by emailing these photos to the entire office. Boss, it seems, loved playing FarmVille during work hours too much.


the Chive:

Submission + - Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day - July 30

An anonymous reader writes: ---------------------------------------------------------
For release on or before July 30, 2010
Re: Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day — July 30

JULY 30 is "Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day."

Ever since "Hans and Franz" hit Saturday Night Live in the late '80s, it has been a national pastime to talk like Arnold Schwarzenegger, among his fans and foes alike. Arnold impersonations turn up everywhere, from talk radio, to late night talk shows, and even Pixar movies! The "Arnold Soundboard" has been an internet sensation for over a decade.

With so many people who imitate AH-nold anyway, we shouldn't they have their own day? And what better day than the Govenator's birthday! Why should the pirates have all the fun?

Now in it's third year, "Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day" is catching on. Imagine a whole day when people everywhere — at work, in restaurants, standing in lines at stores — are talking like Arnold! Love it or hate it, but it sure would be funny!

We only intend this to have fun and for some good-natured ribbing of the Governor of California. Help spread the word! Make sure all your friends know about "Talk Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Day" on July 30.

Find us on Facebook!

jay ryan
cleveland, ohio

Submission + - Tea Partier Issues A ï½Kill Orderï& (

An anonymous reader writes: The tea people are ordinary tax payers who are fed up with the U.S government. As a protest, they are waving flags, singing patriotic songs and issuing a kill order for President Obama, Harry Reid, Van Jones, Bill Ayers, Joseph Biden and Nancy Pelosi.

Submission + - UK to repeal Laws of Thermodynamics? (

mostxlnt writes: The new Tory UK government has launched a website asking its subjects which laws they'd most like repealed. There are three discussion threads up for repeal of the Second, Third and even all Laws of Dynamics. "Without the Third Law of Thermodynamics, it would be possible to build machines that would last forever and provide an endless source of cheap eneregy. thus solving both potential crises in energy supply as well as solving the greenhouse gas problem in one stepp.." says one commenter.

Submission + - Ozzy Osbourne: Genetically Decoded (

Dashiva Dan writes: DNA research lab Knome has announced that it is going to sequence Ozzy's entire genome.
Ozzy, the former lead singer of Black Sabbath, Reality Television Star, Prankster and spokseman for World of Warcraft among many other things, has been selected so they can discover, among other things, how drugs are absorbed in the body. The amount of abuse Ozzy has put himself through and survived is a large part of why he was chosen.


Submission + - Over a third of the Internet is pornographic (

Th'Inquisitor writes: Pornography makes up 37 per cent of the total number of Web pages online, according to a new study published by Optenet, a SaaS provider.

According to the report, which looked at a representative sample of around four million extracted URLs, adult content on the Internet increased by 17 per cent in the first quarter of 2010, as compared to the same period in 2009.

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Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. - Alan Turing