Scott Lockwood seems to have shortchanged himself in almost every critical life decision. Let's examine the facts, hmm?
The High School Dropout
Too busy masturbating and doing things of higher priority, Lockwood cannot be bothered with this basic certificate, which is pretty much a requisite for any grunt job. Lockwood, instead of taking advantage of the government-funded schooling system and free tutoring, finds basic arithmetic and algebra "hard". We later find that Lockwood is incapable of basic logical thought during his brief laughable attempts at learning the ANSI C programming language.
The Enlisted Navy Man
What better organizaton to surrender your humanity to? The homosexual disco group The Village People became famous by singing about the glories of showering nude with other men and staying on vessels for months at a time with them. He spent eight years in the service, protecting precisely nothing, and was paid relatively handsomely for it. Yet, we see in the future that he manages to squander any potential wealth he may have acquired.
Divorcer, Threefold, ???, Profit!!!
Ah, the glories of the modern age. It's said that a full sixty percent of modern marriages do not last, and that success is usually obtained in a second marriage. Lockwood, clearly a rebel, bucks that trend with four marriages and three divorces! Alimony, alimony, alimony. An obvious progressive, he even fathers two children with his first wife and deadbeats the poor little bastards. The children themselves have restraining orders against this child molester. Let us not forget that he's a habitual alcoholic.
Bye Bye Navy Pay, Hello Shitty IT Cash
When you're dishonorably discharged for trying to anally rape your superior officers in the Navy, one must seek employment elsewhere to pay your familial woes. Luckily for Lockwood, the dot-com bubble was inflating like so much mucous in his nasal cavities. However, as a low-level IT tech, he gets fired on several occasions for looking at pornography and conversing through text messaging on company time. Couple that with the fact that he can do nary basic math, you can see why nobody would want to keep him on the payroll. In the midst of this employment strife, we also find that Lockwood has an almost habit-like tendency to host tens of slash and scoop sites on his own dollar, while at the same time having to supply wheelbarrows upon wheelbarrows of foodstuffs to his gigantic fourth wife. So much a habit, this weblog addiction, Lockwood is forced to re-locate his residence and even necessarily parts with a cat (remember, it stares at your genitals, dur hurrrr)! Lockwood can accurately be described as a self-debting money pit.
Irritating and Inane Internet Idiot!
Lockwood, a nuisance from the start, takes pride in his irritating presence on the interent, and even boasts of his fidonet days. Lockwood is also an expert troll, as evidenced by these posts. Truly an intelligent and witty troll.