Researchers at the Center for Holistic Observations of Leading Empirical Natural Truths came up empty handed when searching for a deity. The Faith Machine failed to detect any of the so-called "God Particles". Though researches say they must exist, as is evidenced by their effect on everyday matters.
The Faith Machine consisted of forty-two groups of members from different faiths, called receptors. Each was bound held upside-down while fasting for three days and having their feet tickled into numbness. The state then reached is ripe for prophecy, and any inspiration would have the receptors ringing like a bell. The ringing would then be recorded, and translated into Latin for publication to he masses.
The experiment had been done once before, but do to local laws, was in public view of one person sitting in a glass cage. He reported a ringing, but detractors say it was his cell phone. To test this, the center had the greater test, which was held in an underground Sinusite mine, on some religious grounds.
The test, though unsuccessful, was only a precursor to the next step which will include three times as many receptors, stronger duct tape, and higher quality feathers. If that comes up empty handed, someone may have to check his voicemail.
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