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Comment Old developer don't need to... (Score 1) 365

All the good tricks were worked out in the 70s when people wrote real code in real langauges (C, Forth, Smalltalk, Lisp) for real machines and things actually... get this... actually... (shudders trying to get the blasphemous word out...) WORKED!  Then came the dark times, the second order postincrement operator and its subsequent application to that most beautiful of low level langauges... then they ripped the heart out of Smalltalk and stuffed it to another offshoot of that beautiful low level language... lists became list<int>'s and even the free variables were frogmarched into class { } and forced to do all their best work in { private: } only showing in { public: } what was acceptable to the evil overlords to be shown.  Oh the horror!

Things were good in the old days.  Then there were the brief happy days of the eight-bitters.  The Amstrad 6128 was my idol then.  It booted in just under two seconds, you could program just by typing a number followed by a space and then your code; you could run by typing run, without... get this... without even compiling, and things just worked... or else just crashed the computer, but there was always ctrl shift escape and, if that didn't work you could flick the off switch without corrupting your data, and did I mention it booted in under two seconds!  Oh how far we have fallen in our search for crystal castles with see-through walls and shiny fruit so beautiful you can't even eat it without poisoning yourself (if, that is, you can even get something 27" across down your throat).

Comment Source leak (Score 1) 342

<letter re="patent">
<translat source="english" target="legalese">
Are you drunk? No, seriously... are you drinking scotch and whiskey with a side of crack cocaine while you "examine" patent applications? (Heavy emphasis on the quotes.) Do you just mail merge rejection letters from your home? Is that what taxpayers are getting in exchange for your services? Have you even read the patent application? I'm curious. Because you either haven't read the patent application or are... (I don't want to say the "R" word) "Special."

Numerous examples abound in terms of this particular Examiner not following the law. Clearly, the combination of references would render the final product to be inoperable for its intended use. However, for this Special Needs Examiner, logic just doesn't cut it. It is manifestly clear that this Examiner has a huge financial incentive to reject patent applications so he gets a nice Christmas bonus at the end of the year. When in doubt, reject right?

Since when did the USPTO become a post World War II jobs program? What's the point of hiring 2,000 additional examiners when 2,000 rubber stamps would suffice just fine? So, tell me something Corky...what would it take for a patent application to be approved? Do we have to write patent applications in crayon? Does a patent application have to come with some sort of pop-up book? Do you have to be a family member or some big law firm who incentivizes you with some other special deal? What does it take Corky?

Perhaps you might want to take your job seriously and actually give a sh.t! What's the point in having to deal with you Special Olympics rejects when we should just go straight to Appeals? While you idiots sit around in bathtubs farting and picking your noses, you should know that there are people out here who actually give a sh.t about their careers, their work, and their dreams.

Your job is not a joke, but you are turning it into a regular three ring circus. If you can't motivate yourself to take your job seriously, then you need to quit and let someone else take over what that actually wants to do the job right.
</translate>
</letter>

And if he'd only used a standard Open Source XML Validator to check his source before compiling his letter. ;-).

Comment Relevant humour (Score 1) 128

The lessons enumerated at http://deardiary.chalisque.org/multistage-computer-language-evolution/ have yet to be learned in many parts of the current world of computing. This is more important when stringent resource constraints mean that the obvious 'industry standard best practice(TM) stuff' is no longer applicable and you have to work stuff out from scratch.

Comment 10 Good Reasons for DRM (Score 1) 684

  1. 1. It gives a real world counterexample to the idea that DRM is Good;
  2. 2. It gives a real world counterexample to the idea that information is better hoarded and used to make money;
  3. 3. Exercise for the reader;
  4. 4. Exercise for the reader;
  5. 5. It creates jobs for clever programmers to show how they can defeat the crackers;
  6. 6. It creates opportunities for clever hackers and crackers to show how the clever programmers can be defeated;
  7. 7. It gives lesser crackers an opportunity to show of their computer skills.
  8. 8. Exercise for the reader;
  9. (8.1 Come up with a better exercise for the next reader;)
  10. 9. You can insert U to get DRUM (I like DRUMs);
  11. 10. (out of 10.) It shows you who not to waste your money on if you have the option.

Comment Re:This is here, because? (Score 1) 931

Eventually you just have to come up with a simple, single, authoritative book of answers to all these silly paradoxes, and to save space, interleave it into a book of deep spiritual and worldly wisdom without changing even a single word. It's an almost impossible exercise, especially if you demand that it be done in less than 1500 pages. But it's been done once, and doesn't need to be done again. So if in doubt, look the answer up in the [BOOM TISH!]!!

Comment Re:Porn is bad and dirty (Score 1) 390

Linux makes this example easy, and also more importantly, it puts in your face the lessons you need to learn to be able to construct such examples at will, varying according to whatever new restrictions lawmakers come up with. I'd have to install software onto anything else to make the above work, but linux out of the box I can just bring up a Terminal, type it in and it will work.

Most important thing about linux is the way it allows you to learn how things work.

Even though I use Linux a lot, I am still conditioned psychologically to expect Mac and Windows solutions to have GUIs and require lots of code. If I want to do small is beautiful, eventually I end up writing command line scripts and stuff on one of my Linux boxes. Seriously, it is easier to get a Debian image working in VirtualBox and do things there than to bother trying to sort things out on the Windows command line.

Comment Re:Porn is bad and dirty (Score 3, Interesting) 390

The what happens is that people move their porn to Linux, take a file like, say 'manandwoman.mov' and do:

split -b 10M manandwoman.mov $HARMLESSFILE
for s in $HARMLESSFILE*; do
$ENCRYPT -password "${HARMLESSFILE}MrFlibble$HARMLESSFILE" $s -o $s.bin
done
# copy the files to multiple free cloud storage facilities and post links to friends, passing instructions for reassembly
# via other means (sneakernet?)
# do this for many innocent files too, so that if someone catches you, you may deduce how they did it before
# you do and realise that they have been cheating at the Game of Life, or else have supernatural powers.
# In case you need to buy yourself out of jail, present evidence in completion of a certain challenge.

Comment Why HTML5 needs DRM (Score 1) 447

Without it, greedy corporations will enslave many poor postdoc compsci people and force them to make an unnecessary fork to get it in. It is better to accept DRM in HTML5 and simply boycott its usage in the hope that one day it will be deprecated, so that if future corporations demand it's undeprecation they will be accused of taking the p*** and laughed out of the room.

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