Here we observe the later stage of the life cycle of the ancient javan fanboicus extremis. Scientists believe that the first of the species was born in the Sun Microsystems booth at a Comdex convention in the mid 1990s (reportedly from a fling between Grace Murray Hopper and James Gosling.) From there the species propagated by its strange inter-species relationship with management. Similar to the tape worm reproductive cycle (Taenia solium), the javan first infects the management of the organization by later stage infected programmers (salesmen) who have been infected coming in contact with management of the organization. Usually promises are made and buzzwords (the mating call of management) are dropped. Similar once again to the tapeworm life cycle the infection of a new host is caused by cysts being eaten. However, in this case those in the management cycle force feed the cysts to the programmer cycle. At first the new programmer recoils in disgust at the Javan experience. This is followed by the first sign of infection; browsing infective books and as the disease progresses - buying them. As the infection commences the programmer is told to like the experience, overriding any natural senses and instinct. In the second stage the programmer still has a mild distaste and at some basic level realizes they shouldn't be having the feelings they're feeling. In final stage infection the programmer can be seen tossing and turning in bed saying "pure java..... it
.... must... be in
.... pure java..." and things like that. During this stage it is common for programmers to begin writing everything in Java. Shortly afterward they begin reproducing by attempting to create other Java programmers. Although their chances of actual sexual reproduction go down significantly after infection.
It's easy to be immunized against javan infection, but no instant cure is now known. And immunize those you know and love. It's important to remember that ultimately this is a parasitic infection. Java causes many reams of code to be written in Java that should never be.
It adds a minimum of 30% to development time. And contrary to typical management mating calls, because of the thousands more lines of code Java takes to express ideas, it costs many times more for long term support. Like COBOL before it, it rarely dies until the host dies. So the infection can only be prevented, not cured. Keep safe, and always use a prophylaxis.