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Journal Journal: Dilbert, according to me (or, what I did at work today)

In a recent JE, I commented that I was planning on using a Dilbert strip of some sort to the replace a cartoon on the chart listing who gets the job of assembling our group's weekly report.

Here's what I've come up with:

I started with this strip of PHB and dilbert having a brief discussion. I removed all the text and, in the third frame, spun Dilbert around to face PHB and removed PHB's left arm from view. The script now reads (PHB is the only speaker):
Frame 1: We're required to do a weekly report. All the engineers will e-mail you their status each Thursday.
Frame 2: Your job will be to compile these reports into a single document.
Frame 3: I will then make incomprehensible changes and send the report to management with your name on it.

The above strip will go at the top of the sheet listing each month's "stukee." While searching through's archive, I also found this juicy nugget which I plan on placing at the bottom of the sheet.

No one in my group knows of this quite yet. The guy in the next may have seen me working on it, but he may not have noticed.

I plan on drafting up the sheet and passing it out via email as a late christmas present to my group :-)

User Journal

Journal Journal: Poll: Who feels the worst this morning? 6

Poll assumes you know a few things from yesterday's NFL games:

A) Kicker for New Orleanes
B) The ball holder in that same play
C) Todd Pinkston for fumbling the ball with no one around at the 3 yd line
D) McNabb for that interception in OT
E) Automatic Akers for two missed kicks


Journal Journal: Quickies: Life Imitates Mr Burns; Glad I'm not in modeling 1

Office christmas party was friday night. During dinner the head honcho walked around shaking hands, got to our table, and didnt know somebody's name.

One of the other ballrooms at the catering place we were at had some modeling group with their christmas party. Last year, I'm told, the same group was there the same night, and people walked in drunk as anything wanting our alcohol (open bar, but we had to provide the drinks). We took measures against that this year (a sign on the door saying our company name and "invited guests only"). I was also told the modeling group made their party more of a meat market. After going to the men's room at one point, I went up to the guy who told me that and said he was right on the money. Ever see a 40+ year old woman in a dress better suited for a 20-25 year old? Or a woman that old wearing a dress that cuts down the middle below her boobs without anything holding them up?

User Journal

Journal Journal: The Army-Navy Game 7

The Army-Navy Football Game will be played tomorrow. Army is 0-12 on the season, Navy I dont know other than something better.

Working for a Navy contractor has exposed me to numerous retired Naval personel. The following email was recently passed around the office:

West Point (NY) -- Army football practice was delayed nearly two hours yesterday after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. New head coach, John Mumford, immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis by both the FBI and Army Intelligence, forensic experts determined the white substance unknown to players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Go NAVY!!!

User Journal

Journal Journal: Snow! AHH! We need 2 gallons milk, 3 loaves bread... 5

and my area is only predicted to get 3 +/- 1.5 inches by Saturday.

We needed milk here at home (simply running out) so I went to WaWa to get a gallon. The tiny parking lot was a madhouse for being 9pm on a Thursday. One interesting observation: People will happily park in the handicapped space despite not having the sticker (or apparent need) for it, but will avoid the 3 remaining "employees only" spaces in the back like the plague. On my way out there had to be four cars waiting for people to leave just so they could park themselves.

My prediction for this incoming "winter storm" (and it ain't technically winter yet) is a snow/rain mix, but no accumulation due to said rain and that most of it all will fall during the daytime tomorrow, keeping the roads clear.

Media (Apple)

Journal Journal: Who's Discounting iPods? 5

I was hoping to get an Apple iPod for Christmas. Alas, it's too expensive and out of the budget. So I'm forced into purchasing it for myself. Hoping to cash in on a holiday season bargain, I've been keeping my eye on the sales circulars that come in the newspaper. I've seen plenty of discounts for MP3 players of all kinds (Rio's, Dell's new HD-based player, etc), and the iPod has also shown up. Christmas does not yet seem very merry to me. They always at the regular $299/399/499 price, never at a discount of any sort. You read that right, it's "for sale" at the *regular* price. Stores guilty of this include Best Buy, Cicuit City, Target, and CompUSA. The other day came in the mail a 10% off coupon for various items at Best Buy, including "MP3 Players" as indicated on the front of slip. Hoping this was how I was gonna get that discount, I set aside time this weekend to drive to Deleware in order to skip out on my local state sales tax too. I turned the coupon over, and in the legal disclaimer was the phrase "Exludes Apple iPod Players." Needless to say, a Merry Christmas is still aways off. Why do stores do this? How often? And does anyone know why Apple has been singled out while their competition has gotten their products discounted? Anyone know who *is* granting discounts on iPods this holiday season?

User Journal

Journal Journal: Calling all Dilbert archivists.... 4

I'm looking for a Dilbert strip that somehow discusses the topic of a weekly status report. I'd like to use it for something at work involving our weekly status reports. If you know of one online somewhere or remember what the script was like, please post a link or description.

Also, does anyone know what font Scott Adams uses in his strips? I may wish hack together my own using clipings from the Internet if I cant find one like that above.

TIA on both.

Update: Some more detail:
We have a weekly report whereby engineers submit their status to the "stuckee" who compiles them, and then forwards it to the group leader, who adds his stuff and passes it up the chain. The stuckee is decided on a monthly rotation among the rank-and-file engineers and published in a one-page word doc that gets distributed whenever it needs updating (eg, a new hire comes aboard). The 2004 schedule will probably come out first week of January.

That .doc file contains a simple and cheap clip-art that shows someone quitely slipping out of an office with the boss inside shouting "alright, who's got the weekly this month!" The cartoon lacks laughter and I dont how old it is.

I'm looking to replace it with a dilbert strip that's actually somewhat humorous. I've even thought of a decent script (needs some hashing out), but I want to see what is already out there before I slave away hours trying to hack together something by cutting/pasting existing scripts. It's sorta something like the PHB saying "Wally, everyone will send you their weekly reports, you compile them and send it to me [next frame] While you do that, do this-that-&-the-other to the report [next] I will then undo those changes and forward the report to management with your name on it" (I admit, it needs some work, but I think I can make it fly)


Journal Journal: NASA Soliciting Public Comment on Shuttle Repairs 1

In search of elusive ideas from the imagination of a 10-year old or a retired physics academic, NASA is soliciting comments from the public on how to protect the current shuttle fleet from foam strikes and other hazards. CNN mentions some of the ideas already submitted. The address to send your idea is They say that every idea, no matter how silly, impractical, or whatever, will receive an official response and will be reviewed extensively within the NASA chain of command. Hmmm. I wonder if they've considered securing the foam with duct tape?

It's funny.  Laugh.

Journal Journal: Have A Beer While You Vote 3

Major cities often have trouble meeting the election law requirement of providing a public polling place close to home. The Philadelphia Daily News explains why you may end up casting your vote at a funeral home, in someone's living room, a Krispy Kreme shop, and even the local tavern.

For the record - I've already voted, at the school gym. The local police chief marked off how far away from the door campaigners had to stand, and I was approached by the guy running for mayor as I walked past him. Didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't voting for him :-)

User Journal

Journal Journal: That's it! We'll start the Runningback at Quarterback! 5

There's currently a poll at the bottom of asking who should start for the Eagles at Quarterback: Donovan McNabb, Koy Detmer, AL Feeley, or Brian Westbrook.

McNabb is the current starter, Detmer and Feeley are the backups. Westbrook is the Eagles' runningback.

Oh how I love when guys who dont know sports post polls!

United States

Journal Journal: How To Move the Liberty Bell 2

Philadelphia's Liberty Bell is moving today. It's moving out of the current Liberty Bell Pavillion to the new Liberty Bell Center about 300 feet away. The path the bell itself will take is about 960 feet long, and moving the frail 2000 lb. piece is no picnic. An article at Wired discusses some of the tech behind pulling this off, including a specially built pnuematic cart, and sensors to monitor the stresses on the famous crack. The hardest part is keeping the extended crack (above the larger more visible one that goes up into the crown) intact from growing and splitting the bell entirely. The move started at about 7am this morning and is expected to be finished around 2pm.

User Journal

Journal Journal: DDoS of Anti-Spam Efforts: Cyberterror? 5

Pulling out the C word will make me very unpopular right away, but I fell I have a decent argument. "Terrorism" is typically defined as an individual or group engaging in significantly malicious acts to draw attention to their position or objective, frequently an extreme political one. Here, we have a group of individuals (spammers) whose desire is to overflow inboxes of everyone on the planet no matter the cost. Suspicion is on them to be the architects of a cluster of zombie boxes via the Sobig email worm, and are now utilizing those zombies to DDoS those hosting anti-spam efforts, such as, getting them offline. This seems to fit the definition of using malicious acts to impose an extreme political stance, and it's an act that has met the actor's objective. Would getting that "Cyberterrorist" label attached to this anonymous subset of spammers be a way of getting the attention of law enforcement, given that Ron Guilmette cited their "lack of interest" in his decision?

Yes, I actually submitted that to the queue. I normally don't take on a political opinion or express it in this manner, but I felt this was a case where it would be useful. The idea of a spammer DDoS'ing blacklists hit me a few days ago while driving home from work, thinking over recent issues while getting stuck in traffic. I have serious doubts it'll get accepted, but I decided to try it anyway, just in case a Slashdot editor decides its something reasonable or worth discussing, given the seriousness of the issue.

Update: Placed in the circular file.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Rush Limbaugh's Comments were.... 4

a) Overrated
b) Offtopic
c) Redundant
d) Troll
e) Flamebait
f) Interesting
g) Insightful
h) Informative
i) Funny
j) Underrated

A poll only a Slashdotter could appreciate :-)

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