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Submission + - END FOX News: The answer. The solution. ( 4

Web Goddess writes: FOX NEWS. The answer. The solution.
I was born without muscles to open my eyes! Blepharophimosis ptosis is extremely rare. "Full medical treatment" = a muscle graft that allows the forehead to elevate the eyelids. To blink, the eyelids just drift downwards, not fully shut. So my eyes learned to automatically roll upwards, each time I blink and when I sleep.

Eyelid movement is so important that, all my life, my body has (wow!) been re-purposing the lower facial muscles, neck muscles, even part of the tongue and lungs, to open and close the eyelids. TRUE STORY! Today I can squint, and move my eyelids a remarkable amount! When did this happen?! It is not documented. I believe I am revealing, for the first time ever, the true story of Blepharophimosis ptosis.

NOBODY NOTICES. Not consciously. But my expressions are often backwards, or complicated, or unusual. This is like having a speech impediment that someone stops noticing in five minutes, or a few weeks. But it is different. My expressions can only be properly mapped in a one-on-one conversation, where the observer's expressions learn what my matching expressions look like. (*) On film, my expressions appear to be a spectacle of facial grimaces when viewed by a stranger.


My expressions and microexpressions (especially the ones involving blinks which include involuntary eye rolls) have caused the following lifelong problems:

* A single innocent glance can immediately turn a stranger or even a friend into a person with a permanent blood feud against me, who will NOT listen to reason, invents evidence to support the hatred, and transmits the senseless hate to others. "You sniffed my boyfriend's crotch!" Invented memes become gospel.

* I am completely unable to convey sincerity. Those muscles just don't...exist. Therefore, authority (police, teachers, parents, anyone with a skeptical opinion) never,ever,ever believe me. The mismatch between my words and my subliminally-perceived aspect inevitably lead to escalating suspicion and anger. Even when I am reporting serious crime, or serious personal abuse, the police begin to interrogate ME and things go downhill rapidly. My complaints about this abuse, frustratingly, evoke laughter in my friends, time and time again.

I see in FOX news, er, similar symptoms:

* Dittoheads are furious about insane things that fly in the face of reason, and infect others by the strength of their convictions.

* Commentators say the most outrageous things with seeming sincerity.

Yes, I am contacting facial expression analysis experts, Good Lord, I need a medical note to prevent a routine traffic stop from turning into an absolute nightmare. But do we have time for all that?

YOU are the solution. Microexpressions? Blepharophmosis ptosis people know that a single microexpression can induce permanent, infectious feud over nothing. Find the answer. The evidence is out there.

If you wish to analyze my facial expressions (how embarrassing I apparently look pretty odd, at times) you can contact me, or check out this video, where I was trying to carefully control my expressions for a large audience.

(especially camera angle beginning around 35 minutes in.)

Thanks for your help! I am 47 years old. A lifetime of sad encounters, culminating in a miracle. The dittohead microexpression that induces hate? It's in my loving face.

Comment Re:Java has its uses (Score 1) 187

Perl has some nifty frameworks that can make you as productive as PHP for small web projects, and it also does large projects well.

But hey, if you're comfortable with PHP and Java, and want to pay to have your app completely rewritten, then more power to you.

Comment Re:Perl - the COBOL of scripting languages (Score 1) 187

New startups using perl, courtesy of Quora:


Big companies writing lots of new perl, also courtesy of Quora:

Lokku (makers of Nestoria), BBC, LJ, IMDB,, Typepad, Zappos, Craigslist, FriendFinder, Ticketmaster, Slashdot

I think you're really confused about the role Larry plays in the community. He's slowly creating a new language, which has little to do with perl 5. Perl 5 is actively maintained and has a large community of users.


Submission + - 2009 Darwin Award Winners announced (

Greg Lindahl writes: From the woman who jumped in a swollen creek to rescue her drowning ... moped, to the man who hopped over the divider at the edge of the highway to take a leak, and plunged 65 feet to his death, 2009 was a year both exceptional and unexceptional for Darwin Award-worthy behavior!

Submission + - Microsoft settlement funds free FOSS computers (

christian.einfeldt writes: "The State of California sued Microsoft for Anti-trust violations, and now the proceeds of the settlement of that case are being used to fund the acquisition of computers for any school district in California. The terms of the settlement allow every school district in California to be reimbursed a set dollar amount for the purchase of computers with the software of their choice. It is clear from the way that the settlement was structured that Microsoft anticipated that school districts would mainly use the settlement to fund the acquisition of more Microsoft products, with a few Apple purchases sprinkled in here and there. But now that Free Open Source Software is being commercialized by hardware vendors such as Dell, System76, EmperorLinux,, and, acquiring computers powered by Free Open Source Software is straightforward. In his Slashdot journal, Christian Einfeldt, a volunteer sys admin at a northern California public charter school details the step-by-step process for using Microsoft's money to pay for the Linux purchases of your school's choice."

Submission + - AdSense Disabling Arbitrage Accounts by June 1st

shird writes: "Reports of google trying to clean up its search results by cracking down on dubious Web sites that contain little content but lots of ads, sometimes known as "Made for AdSense" (MFA) sites, have been reaching the media. The Jensense blog reports "Numerous AdSense publishers have been receiving emails from Google the past couple of days stating that their use of their AdSense account is an unsuitable business model and that accounts would be disabled as of June 1st, giving publishers about two weeks notice to prepare for the loss of the AdSense accounts." Google regularly bans and rejects AdSense accounts in violation of the TOS, however this change appears to be affecting a much larger quantity of MFA sites profiting from the imbalance of AdWords costs vs AdSense profits. Currently being discussed over at WebMasterWorld."

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