That's an interesting question.
I looked over my previous relationships, romantic and otherwise, and made a list of problems, and what caused them. Mainly, things about ME that caused them.
From that list, I worked on a list of what I was looking for. There were a few things I wanted IN a relationship, like honesty. Relationships are (I thought) hard work, so I needed to look at what I was getting FROM the relationship, and there were a few things specific to the kind of PERSON I wanted to be with. I wish I were a home right now, where I stil have my list around somewhere. I can remember a few, though:
Characteristics of the relationship I wanted:
Mutual respect (both politeness and some admiration)
Peace, not drama (home should be a refuge)
If I'm going to work hard on a relationship, what do I want to gain from it?:
Companionship (we should really be present, not mentally somewhere else)
Fun! (Willing to get up and do things, try new things. What else does "fun" mean to me?)
A reasonable sex life
What kind of person
From above - honest, trusting, respectful, no drama queens, reasonable sexual attitudes
Good mother or no kids - I don't want to marry a "bad" mom
There were a couple more that I don't recall. Reading over the list from time to time, I proceeded to try to BE those things. If I want an honest, respectful woman, I better be an honest, respectful man, for example. I prayed for help on most of that. I had to read it a few times to remind myself.
After meeting my wife, I found something else that's near the top of the list for marriage. When I'm not sure of something, when I'm "of two minds" about something,
I think about it, discuss it, or read more information to make a decision. I don't yell and argue with myself, of course. That would be ridiculous. When a married couple is of two minds about something, can they not also think about it, discuss it, and get more information, just as one would do if you were split between two options? My wife and I do that, for the most part. I don't think we've ever really argued - just discussed and learned moe information until a decision became clear.
If your mouth is hurting you, you do not get angry at your mouth. Rather, you care for it, identifying the problem and tending to it to stop the hurt. In a marriage, if a mouth causes pain, doesn't it make sense that the couple should find the problem and take care of it, rather than getting angry at the hurt from the mouth? It doesn't matter if it's the mouth I was born with causing me pain or if it's the mouth my wife was born with causing me pain, as a life-long couple we deal with either in pretty much the same way. So I've added to my list this instruction:
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2 verse 24)
(Yes, I've learned that implies it's wise to be very careful who you cleave unto and become one flesh with!)