It has been a little bit since the last entry, but a lot has happened...

Our (my wife and I's) happiness only lasted a day and a half. She miscarried 10-12 in the evening. So we are waiting a while to try again. I thought I had been in love before, but I have never felt this. My Aubry is the sought after soulmate...

Work at Halliburton in Wyoming is going great. Ever since I left the cublicle in January and moved north, I have put the electronics portion of my degree to work. Spent copious amounts of time on semi trailers with computer systems on them, and on natural gas drilling rigs with cementing crews. I have not written any code in almost a year now. Sometimes I miss it, but I can honestly say this is the best job I have ever had.

The weather in Wyoming is also a lot better for me than El Paso, Texas was. I hate hot temperatures. Negative 40 degrees fahrenheit is a-okay with me. It is positive 31 degrees fahrenheit here right now, and I am in my work shirt and no jacket. This is my spot.

I miss seeing my family, but we are on the phone often. I sometimes miss my clubbing existance in EPT, but then I remember the unhappiness I felt with meaningless hookups, constant drinking, dead-end job, and trying to convince myself I was in love with my ex. I am so happy I woke the fuck up and made a better life for myself.

Keep on rockin'...

Well... I met a girl back in June, and fell in love. We got married July 29, 2005. Tonight we found out we are pregnant. We have been trying for two months. I am so happy I could shit!

I am all settled in Rock Springs, Wyoming. Got an apartment and cable intarweb. Halliburton is working me like a rented mule but it's not bad.

Drove from my dad's place on 8 Feb to Albuquerque. Stayed a week with my ex. Parts were absolute hell. Parts I would not trade for the world.

Then drove to Denver. Stayed with a good friend and his fiance for 2 days.

This morning drove into Wyoming. I am holed up in a hotel. At least they have wireless highspeed, so I can stop feeling isolated. Got on the yahoo chat tonight and tried to meet locals, find out what there is to do here. Might have a lead on an apartment.

Tomorrow I take my physical. Then I don't think I do anything until Sunday when I have my orientation. Down to my last pack of smokes and money is running out. I hope I can get some cash before the car payment is too late or my cell phone gets turned off.

Transition time always sucks, but I think maybe a change of scenery may do me good. Nothing here reminds me of the past. Nothing. Same me, different spot, but new job and new town may better my outlook.

Here's hoping.

The past year has seen my biopolar brain spiral out of control. Mentally I have been places I had never hit before. I would very much like to be me again. Everyone who loves me is telling me to leave her be. Not take her calls. Cut her off. She still drives me insane. Literally insane.

I just want me back.

This is the main reason I took a job so far away and that requires so many hours. Throwing myself at work and meeting new people is what I think I need.

So many of my old friends are far from healthy themselves.

I turned 29 on the ninth. I would like to settle down and have kids. The last nine months have seen me with 14 different women. I gave none of them a chance. Four of them told me they loved me, but I would have nothing to do with them after that.

Here's to stopping that bullshit.

I got a job offer from Haliburton in Wyoming to work on the oil fields as an electronics tech/computer guy. Just about doubled my pay.

A little apprehensive about leaving my home base of El Paso for a town of 19k, but the money will be good. I do not know my internet connectivity situation for the next 3 weeks, maybe longer. While i have been scarce lately, i have enjoyed reading everyones journals.

Blinder, I enjoy IM'ing you so I'll hit you up when i get settled. Thanks for being there...

I will stick to artist/band names as I have been listening to oodles of each

Neil Diamond
Leonard Cohen
GG Allin
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Billy Joel
Interpol
Iggy and the Stooges
Modest Mouse
Junior Brown
Beatles
Big Bopper
Faith No More

I am in a peculiar mood, that might explain it.

Mini life update -- I got fired from my job of 5.5 years on the 17th... I am numb still.

If any of you in the zoo are also on livejournal, my more regularly updated journal lives there. El jay username is misfitsfan76, feel free to add me.

I always have tabs open to /. message center and my el jay... i am a journal junkie.

Awesome show.

Opening act Slunt was bad ass. A chick-fronted band from NYC, whose set included a remake of Never Say Never. Love that song, plus the two chicks in the band are fucking hott.

Next up -- Marilyn. His set bordered on religious for me. Screamed along with every song. Play a lot of my faves, although i would have loved to hear his version of Rock'n'roll Nigger and more from the first three albums. But i am not complaining.

Had a very good time... Free concert, free beer, free t-shirt. Nice.

x\\ spell your name backwards: nahtan
x\\ have you ever had a song written about you: Nope
x\\ what song makes you cry: "green eyes" by coldplay
x\\ what song makes you happy: "easy" by faith no more
x\\ what's your all time fav. song?: "Tea for one" by zeppelin
x\\ what do you listen to before you go to sleep: my cat purring
x\\ height: 5'7"
x\\ hair color: brown
x\\ piercings: none right now have had many
x\\ tattoos: 2 sleeves and 7 more

r i g h t _ n o w . . .
x\\ what color pants are you wearing: brown cords
x\\ what song are you listening to: "Spring cleaning" by BrightEyes (i am so emo... fucking shoot me now)
x\\ what taste is in your mouth?: tobacco.
x\\ whats the weather like?: like 48 degrees f. (very cold by El Paso standards)
x\\ how are you?: happy and still hating myself
x\\ get motion sickness?: nope
x\\ have a bad habit?: so many
x\\ get along with your parents?: yep
x\\ boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
x\\ have a current crush: a couple.
x\\ have a big regret: and shall until I die

f a v o u r i t e . . .
x\\ tv show: never watch TV
x\\ conditioner: equate brand pro vitamin
x\\ book: catcher in the rye
x\\ non alchohol drink: diet dr pepper
x\\ alchohol drink: ameretto straight up or a screw driver
x\\ things to do on the weekend: party, go on dates, cruise

h a v e _ you _ e v e r . . .
x\\ broken the law: yep
x\\ snuck out of the house: nah
x\\ ever gone skinny dipping: yep
x\\ made a prank phone call: many a time
x\\ tipped over a port-a-potty: nope
x\\ use your parents credit card: nope
x\\ skipped school: yep chronically
x\\ fell asleep in the shower/bath: yep
x\\ been in a school play: nope
x\\ had a boyfriend/girlfriend: yep a few
x\\ had children: nope
x\\ been in love: yep
x\\ have a hard time getting over someone: you have no idea
x\\ been hurt?: seriously no idea
x\\ gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: yep (and several I knew for far less)

r a n d o m . . .
x\\ have a job: Yes
x\\ your cd player has what in it right now: soul coughing
x\\ if you were a crayon, what color would you be?: black
x\\ what makes you happy?: being touched
x\\ the next CD you're going to buy: i don't buy CDs

w h e n _ was _ t h e _ last _ t i m e . . .
x\\ you got a real letter: pshh years
x\\ got an email: right now
x\\ thing you purchased: carton of smokes
x\\ Tv program you watched: fuck too long to remember
x\\ movie you saw in the theaters: the grudge
x\\ kissed: last night
x\\ hugged: last night
x\\ song heard: right now
x\\ place you were [besides home]: work
x\\ phonecall: right now, a close friend
x\\ you were depressed: right now and always
x\\ you were in the hospital: last month (pancreatitus and enflamed liver)

w h a t _ comes _ t o _ mind . . .
x\\ car: speed
x\\ murder: death
x\\ cape: cloak
x\\ penis: fucking
x\\ cell: ameoba
x\\ shoe: licking
x\\ fun: fucking
x\\ crush: girl
x\\ music: constant background
x\\ chalk: pill

n u m b e r . . . :
x\\ of time you've been in love: 4
x\\ of girls you have kissed: so many
x\\ of boys you have kissed: a couple
x\\ of times your name has appeared in a newspaper: a couple
x\\ of scars on your body: so many
x\\ of things in your past you regret: i regret a few thing from 2004

d o _ you _ t h i n k _ you _ a r e . . . :
x\\ pretty: yep
x\\ funny: yep
x\\ hot: yep
x\\ friendly: can be
x\\ ugly: nope
x\\ loveable: yep
x\\ caring: yep
x\\ sweet: ab-so-fucking-lutely
x\\ dorky: can be

f a v o u r i t e . . . :
x\\ actor/actress: Edward Norton
x\\ least favorite day: Sunday
x\\ flower: Calla Lillie
x\\ jello flavor: cherry (better with everclear)
x\\ summer/winter: summer

p e r s o n _ who _ l a s t . . . :
x\\ slept in your bed: don't remember her name
x\\ saw you cry: my ex
x\\ sent you an email: fucking spammer

h a v e _ you _ e v e r
x\\ said i love you and meant it: yep. i do not fuck around with that word
x\\ went out in public in pjs: yep
x\\ kept a secret from everyone: yep
x\\ been to new york: yep
x\\ to california: nope

w h e n _ was :
x\\ last cigarrete: an hour ago
x\\ last cry: every night
x\\ last book read: Grimms Faerie Tales
x\\ last curse word uttered: fuck
x\\ last beverage drank: Dr Pepper
x\\ last food consumed: french toast sticks (burger king)
x\\ last phone call: 15 minutes ago
x\\ showered: 7 am
x\\ last shoes worn: cheesy brown loafers
x\\ last cd played: soul coughing
x\\ last thing written: meeting notes at work
x\\ last word spoken: chingow!
x\\ last sleep: before i woke at 7am
x\\ last im: 10 minutes ago
x\\ sexual fantasy: so many. girls: i will hurt ya, and you'll like it.
x\\ last ice cream eaten: rocky road
x\\ last time wanting to die: 2 days ago (last OD as well)

Saturday I spent 4 hours under the needle... Broke my no color rule. I am very happy with how my dragon is looking :-) I was born in the year of, so that is why I decided to sleeve my left arm with the mythical beast...

Take a look:

Pic One

Pic Two

Pic Three

Goddamn it's good to be back home! Just got out of the hospital...

Wednesday I went to my doc got 3 perscriptions, but later I got very sick... My buddy Al drove me to emergency at 3pm and when I got there I was yellow (skin and eyes). Turns out I had an inflamed liver and pacreatitis. So Wednesday to Monday morn sitting in a fucking hospital room. Not fun.

I can not drink any more. I should be like "big deal", but I am scared. What do I do on the weekend now? How do you hang out with no drink? Help me out here. I am single and all the places I think to meet people involve social drinking.

So suggestions??? Please :-)

EDIT:

Alright, to those that chimed in with appearances and virgin drinks -- yeah that's cool. Thing is I really like my alcohol. So this is something I will just have to do...

It is very suprising to me, but when the doc said no more drinking, I got scared! Not scared... panicy. I realized maybe I like drinking more than just a little. So now I have an iron clad reason not to -- I can die. Death by eith liver or pancreas trouble is a very bad, painfull way out. So I am gonna just stop.

I am not gonna fake a cocktail, cause that is not me. As all my friends and even periphrial acquantances will tell you, I will say what is on my mind 100% of the time. I will say anything to anyone and have pretty much no fear. So coke with ice it is.

But it will be a while until I will trust myself around a bar or club. I am thinking up things to keep me busy as I never stay home, I am always out.

So in closing: Punk Rock, baby, keep it real!

and although I do not like to admit it, I voted for Bush, changed my vote at the last minute... I feel kinda dirty :-P

So last Friday (10-15-2004) I started having this intense pain in my abdomine. Right about where my liver is. Advil wouldn't stop it, couldn't sleep through it. The weekend was hell. Worked from home on Monday. All that time I refused to go to a doctor. Just how I was raised.

On Tuesday I went to work at 4:30am because I knew that sleeping in my office chair was more comfy than my soft bed would be. Took a cat nap. Got up a little before 6am, got to working. By the time my boss got in a little after 8am, I had killed all my major obligations.

I told them I was going to see a doc. I had reached the end of my tollerance. I have already used my sick days completely up. So I was on to my last 2 vacation days and then on to Family Medical Leave Act time off...

So I get to the doc, I get x-ray'd, EKG'd, blood drawn, urin collected. "We just do not know what is wrong with you..." So they send me to get an ultrasound (ordered STAT), and tell me to return the next day. So it is now Wednesday.

I get to the doc and she says: "Well, you have gall stones, you need surgery, see this surgeon today at 1pm." I leave and goto the surgeon at 1pm. He diagnose me as being accute. He says he must opperate immediately. So I drive to the hospital by 1:45pm, they start an IV of antibiotics. At 5pm the anest^Wfeel-good doc comes and gets me. They wheel me into the OR. Then I wake up in my hospital room feeling high as a kite.

The first day I ask for demerol every 2 hours for the entire day. The second day I get told that my intestines are not functioning and the pain meds can be contributing to that. I can not leave until I can have bowel movements. So I stop taking pain meds. I realize I am sore but not in pain.

The second day no pain meds at all. My bowels start cooperating once again. I am walking and moving around just fine.

Today the doc was like, "you're going home..." So I signed the paperwork and drove myself home. I am gonna take it easy this weekend and will probably return to work on Monday.

Re - fucking - lax! Between the politics and the smoking rants some people just need to settle the fuck down. Let that which does not truly matter slide. Life is so much more enjoyable when you do not have to care so much about stupid shit.

Drink a beer, smoke a cig, and chill out.

I am gonna try and get off from work a little early, clean my cat's litter box, make a friend a copy of my house key, pack, then leave... I am driving to Phoenix. Then a group of us are driving to Baja California to hit the beach. I need the down time.

I love to drive so right now I am looking forward to the drive to Arizona. I used to make that drive every summer as a kid, my grandparents lived in Phoenix. This will also be the first time I have ever seen the Pacific ocean.

Wish me a good time. Maybe meet a nice girl, maybe meet some good business contacts, maybe just get drunk and have fun? In any case I am glad to not be home for 4 days... I am taking Friday and Monday off.