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Journal Journal: The 2001 Troll Awards Nominations!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5

Announcing the 2001 Troll Award Nominations. Please take a moment to
email me your votes for the following catagories:

-Best Troll of 2001
-Worst Troll of 2001
-Most Improved Troll
-Troll Lifetime Achievement Award
-Best Troll post of 2001
-Best CrapFlood Material
-Most hated Slashdot Janitor
-Slashdot Janitor Most Likely to Get Fired
-Troll You Would Want to Drink a Beer With
-Troll That You Would Not Want to Be Trapped in an Elevator With
-Gayest Slashdot Poster

This will be reposted until the Jan 4th, 2001. I will add the results and let you all know the winner.

POLLS ARE CLOSED!!!!11!!1!

VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Reprot 01/01/2002 1

Happy New Year Fans! I had chicken fingers with 911 hot sauce and the better part of a fifth of Johnny Walker Gold Label last night. I had the 'Ring of Fire' this morning. It took a good minute of pushing to get it going. It was about a foot long and I could not tell what color it was. They turn the lights off in 'non-essential' parts of the building during the weekends and holidays, so I pooped in the dark. There was an odd smell, kind of like dirt after I shit. Odd. It flushed easily, but the clean up was a mess. I must have used 1/4th of the roll. I rate this turd a 6.
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/28/2001

I had two grilled ham and cheese sandwiches yesterday for lunch. They were edible, but not much else. I had a very small turd this morning; this is not suprising due to the fact that I did not eat much during the day. The turd did not want to come out easily, so it took a good amount of pushing to get it out. Some cow-orker waddling in and talking to me during my dump did not help the situation. I kept trying to brush him off with short, terse answers, but he kept babbling on. It was about 'Lord of the Rings'. I tell him I haven't seen it. He can't comprehend that I haven't seen the movie. He walks away, stunned. It (the turd, not the cow-orker) was about 6 inches long and very thin. It was a generic turd brown and smelled just like you think a turd would smell. It flushed with ease. I rate this turd as a 5.
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/27/2001 4

We had pork loin for lunch yesterday. It was pretty good. I had a steak burrito and pork tamalies for dinner. It was also very good. My turd was much more solid today. It took a bit of pushing to get it out, but that seems to be the norm. It was a real stinker due to the hot sauce I put on the burrito. It almost made me tear-up due to the stench. The smell lingered in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes. The turd was about 16in long and was of an average diameter. It was a consistant brown color with black chunks. (I put black beans in my burritos) It was a satisfying turd and I give it a rating of 7.
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/26/2001 2

They made an attempt to bring us a Christmas dinner here at work yesterday. I had ham and some yams. I had pumpkin pie dor dessert. It was ok, I guess. I have been a bit ill as of late and it has caused some problems with respect to my turds. I have had some very loose stool. This morning I had to rush to the bathroom; I felt like I was going to shit myself. The turd had no shape and was a dark brown color. There was a slight smell to it. Part of the turd stuck to the bowl after flushing. It took another flush to get it down. I rate this turd as a 3.
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/24/2001 1

Hello everyone. I am glad to be back home! I had 3 steak tacos last night. They were very good. I was kinda bound up from my flight. The turd was very big; it was about 2 days worth of poo. The turd was multi colored and the color division was almost right in the middle. I had a bagel and braunschwager with some tea before I left Amsterdam. The European part of the turd was a light brown in color and the American side was a much darker brown. It was very hard. There was no smell to it at all and the wipe was about the cleanest you can get. It did take two flushes to get the turd to align itself right so it would go down the tube. I rate this turd an '8.5'.

Merry Christmas everyone!

User Journal

Journal Journal: Tag, i am it!

Due to excessive bad posting from this IP or Subnet, comment posting has temporarily been disabled. If it's you, consider this a chance to sit in the timeout corner. If it's someone else, this is a chance to hunt them down. If you think this is unfair, please email jamie@mccarthy.vg.

Some crack-smoker followed me into a journal and modded my -1 post down.

User Journal

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/11/2001 (with poll) 4

I had a nasty cheese steak yesterday. It was very greasy. It made a very sloppy turd. It took a bit of pushing to get it going, then it just ploped out in one big woosh. The smell had some serious funk to it. It had no shape and had a blob like appearance; it was about 10cm in diameter. It was reddish-brown in color. When I flushed most of it stuck to the side of the bowl. I had to use wet-wipes to get a good cleaning when I was finished.

Please take a moment to vote in my poll:

  1. What does the best job at cleaning your poo-hole?
  2. Corncob
  3. Toilet-paper (1-ply)
  4. Toilet-paper (2-ply)
  5. Wet wipes
  6. Wash cloth
  7. CowboyNeal
Slashdot.org

Journal Journal: The Slashdot Staff: Editors or Janitors? 1

Slashdot claims to have several editors on its staff. This is not true. Editors are people who edit. What does it mean to edit? Well, according to 'm-w.com' to edit means: to prepare for publication or public presentation. Does the Slashdot staff do this? Hardly. The readers who submit stories do this; they prepare the stories for slashdot. The staff just cuts and pastes them onto the front page. Editors also check for spelling and grammar. Editors also try to show both sides of a story; the Slashdot staff is some of the most biased people on the net. Just look at the icon for Microsoft posts to see this bias in action.
So, if they are not editors, what are they? They are janitors. Janitors clean up and put things back in place. The Slashdot staff cleans up troll vomit and crap floods. The janitor at my old high school was a big track star 'back in the day' but now he is just an old fool that the kids made fun of. He never really got it. He thought he ran the school just because he had the keys to the front door. It is the same with the Slashdot staff, they used to be important, but now they are just old fools who can't even remember what stories they posted just a few days back. The Slashdot staff also believes that they run the site, but it is OSDN that runs the show. The Slashdot staff doesn't see or hear the kids laughing behind their backs.
Please discuss
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/10/2001 1

I had sushi from Yoko, in Herndon, last night. I had shrimp, crab, salmon, and tuna sushi. It was wonderful. I also had mizo soup and a container of saki. The Japaneese make good watches and cameras; their food makes good turds. My turd this morning was nice and soft. It came out like a dream. A slight push and out it came. The wipe was very clean. It had a consistant color: brown. It was about 15 inches long. There was a pungent odor that let you know it was a good turd. I give this turd an 8.
VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/07/2001 2

I had another burrito last night. God, they are good. It made a nice turd. Well, that might be a bit misleading. the turd had no form to it, so I can't really call it a turd. It was more like a blob. It was brown with black spots in it from the black beans. It smelled pretty rank and one of my cow-orkers commented on it. "God, what is that stink?!", the cow-orker asked. "It's my turd! I made it myself," I yelled over the stall door. The turd came out easily and was satisfying. I rate this turd as a 7.
VA

Journal Journal: The Multilingual turd Report 12/04/2001 1

Sweet. Fucking. Christ. Don't EVER eat a whole bottle of purple Heinz ketchup! Ever! I ate a two pound bag of Orida French Fries (with no salt) with my 20 oz. bottle of purple ketchup. I was both amazed and horrified by the resulting turd. It took quite a bit of pushing to get it out. It was hard as a rock and felt like I was passing a cinder block. It was purple/brown in color and smelled like vinegar. Even the jet assisted toilet could not flush it down the pipe. It didn't even budge. The turd just sat there, like a purple rock. Facilities is in the bathroom trying to extract the beast from the tiolet. I rate this turd a 8.
Süß. Klopfen Sie das Tanzen. Christ. Nicht ÜBERHAUPT essen Sie eine vollständige Flasche purpurroten Ketschup Heinz! Überhaupt! Ich aß einen zwei-Pfund-Beutel von Pommes-Frites Orida (ohne Salz) mit meiner 20-Unze-Flasche purpurrotem Ketschup. Ich wurde durch das resultierende turd überrascht und erschrocken. Es nahm den vieldruck zum heraus Erhalten es. Es war hart als Felsen und geglaubt, wie ich einen Ascheblock führte. Es war das purpurrote Braun in der Farbe und wie Essig gerochen. Sogar konnte die Strahl unterstützte Toilette nicht ihn hinunter das Rohr leeren. Sie nicht sogar rührte sich. Das turd saß gerade dort, wie ein purpurroter Felsen. Teildienste ist im Badezimmer, das versucht, das Tier vom tiolet zu extrahieren. Ich bewerte dieses turd 8.

Doux. Tapez danser. Le Christ. Ne mangez pas JAMAIS une bouteille entière de ketchup pourpre de Heinz! Jamais! J'ai mangé un sac de deux livres des pommes frites d'Orida (sans le sel) avec ma bouteille de 20 onces de ketchup pourpre. J'ai été stupéfié et horrifié par le turd résultant. Il a pris la poussée beaucoup pour l'obtenir dehors. Il était dur comme roche et senti comme je passais un bloc de cendre. C'était brun pourpre en couleurs et senti comme le vinaigre. Même la toilette aidée par gicleur n'a pas pu le vider en bas de la pipe. Elle n'a pas même bougé. Le turd juste s'est reposé là, comme une roche pourpre. Les équipements est dans la salle de bains essayant d'extraire la bête à partir du tiolet. J'évalue ce turd des 8.

Dolce. Colpire ballare leggermente. Christ. Non mangiare MAI una bottiglia intera del ketchup viola di Heinz! Mai! Ho mangiato un sacchetto dalle due libbre delle patate fritte di Orida (senza sale) con la mia bottiglia dalle 20 once di ketchup viola. Sia sono stato stupito che sconvolto stato dal turd risultante. Ha preso la spinta molta per ottenerla fuori. Era duro come roccia e ritenuto come stavo passando un blocchetto del cinder. Era colore marrone viola a colori e sentito l'odore di come aceto. Neppure la toletta aiutata getto non ha potuto irrigarla giù il tubo. Neppure non si è mossa. Il turd si è seduto appena là, come una roccia viola. Le attrezzature è nella stanza da bagno che prova ad estrarre la bestia dal tiolet. Valuto questo turd i 8.

VA

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/03/2001 2

I are a pound of cheeze-curls last night. I was rewarded with a bright ornage turd. It took a bit of pushing but it came out in one massive plop. It was without form and stunk like cheese. It made a pyramid of poop in the toilet. It flushed down, but parts of it stuck to the bowl. I rate this turd as a 7.

This report is a customer report as requested by one of my fans. If you take the time to email me a request, I will consider eating what you want me to eat. I will report on the resulting turd. Enjoy!

User Journal

Journal Journal: The Turd Report 12/01/2001 (The Weekend Edition) 1

I had a chicken wrap with baby corn, onions, green beans, and lettuce. It was srapped in a spinich tortila. It was very good. The turd it generated was a nice long one, about 16 inches and had a diameter of 2.5 inches. It took a few moments of pushing, but just flew out once it got going. It stuck perpendicular to the water-line and was above the surface. It had a slight earthy odor and a deep brown color. I rate this turd an 8.

I have determined that the company I work for does things to piss off its employees. They installed parking bumps. We have to swipe our company ID to get in the building and to access the floor we work on, due to the 'terrorist threat'. It is a 20 minute walk to/from my car on the weekends. The company doesn't have the money for raises or new hires, but they have the money to put lame-assed xmas decorations everywhere. Just to add to it my balls still touch the water when I take a shit here; I have to hold my nuts when I take a shit. Sigh... --

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