Try using the tried and true encryption method. A piece of paper inside an envelope, with a stamp and an address.
That has got to be one of the dumbest comments I've ever heard on the internet. Wow. Just, wow.
"People still use Windows?"
For certain values of "people".
Okay Google, that's just not nice.
Google paying people for finding bugs in software that Google didn't produce isn't nice? Who else does that?
has malware and exploit issues (I have some sort of pesky nuisance-ware on my Android phone, apparently from installing some free game outside the Google Play ecosystem)
That's not really an Android problem, is it? You circumvented the controls by downloading a shady app from an unaccreditied source. Don't blame Android for your own stupidity.
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.