Last night we went to a candle light vigil for people who lost infants...
There were some that were a long time ago, others much more recent than ours. It's kind of a sickly feeling to know that you aren't the most recent. "Damn...I wanted to be last.", I now know those raw emotions those others are now feeling.
It was a nice service, I'm not really religous, more spiritual actually. So constant Jesus-speak kind of irritates me. He knows where I am, if he needs me he'll call. But overall it was good. I think we may develop some new local friendships out of this, which is a very nice. Amy and I tend to keep to ourselves, so new people into our life can keep us growing.
The pattern I mention in the subject is the "Looking foward to..." pattern. Elmegil, I'm wondering if you saw this as well.
It started in the from the get go...We were looking forward to doctors visits to see what really happened. We contemplated what we wo do after we didn't have that to "look foward to". But right after that we had something else to "look forward to".
This pattern of trying to get through the next weeks has turned into 4 months of jumping from milestone to milestone. I think I'm getting Amy to see that to, we're starting to feel like we have lives to live again. Which is nice. We now have new things to do, a person to pray to, and other things I can't hink of right now...
We're still grieving though, of course. Amy and I do not fear death as we may have before. Not that we're egging on the pale rider, but we now feel that someone we deeply care for is waiting for us.
Last night Amy stated after the service that it was the first time she really felt like trying again. I guess all her posturing about it up till now has been lip service, not that I mind. Keeps people from bugging her. So we'll probably be starting again soon.
Isn't it odd that when people talk about sex for sex's sake it so much more brash and in your face, but when we talk about baby-makin' sex, it a much softer understated tone? It just feels weird to talk about trying to have kids as "banging my wife so she can squeeze out a litter." Something about that's just messed up....i'm not right.....
Well I must go. My parents are getting their HD directTv installed today. Must check in and make sure the guy hooked it up right.
"TECH SUPPORT!!!!" -- Tom 'weiner' Cruise from Vanilla Sky...funniest line of the movie.