I spent most of my career in Silicon Valley. Lived in San Jose most of the time, Sunnyvale for a short while. Worked in different places in Sunnyvale and Mountain View with a short (very) stint in Redwood City. None of the jobs I had were customer-facing, and I always had flexible hours. Carpool hours on the freeway ended at 9am in the morning and at 7pm in the evening, so I arranged my commute to be at the office by 930 or 1000, and I left after 1900. That gave me a 20-mile commute in about 25 minutes. On the rare day I needed to be there earlier, the commute time went up to 60 - 90 minutes.
In those days, the car got refueled once or twice a week, and I drove 20000+ miles a year. Since retiring I moved to a much smaller place. Now I refuel the car about once a month and drive less than 15000 km a year. That is a huge difference!
Perhaps I should also chime in that, for me, cities have never been the answer. I do not like to even be in them, much less live in one. One thing I really, really liked about Silicon Valley, and that I have not seen otherwise mentioned in these comments, is that from all those towns in Silicon Valley a short drive of less than an hour can take you out into some pretty empty and very beautiful countryside. I liked to go out and walk the trails, and that is how I recharged. Try Grant Ranch County Park outside San Jose.