I can take high-ISO handheld photos with my 6D in an only partially lit parking lot at night
Dude, you can get arrested for doing things like that.
Seriously, though, DSLRs are amazing, so long as you actually learn to use them. I almost laugh out loud on a regular basis when on holiday every time I see someone with an entry-level DSLR in full auto mode with a kit lens, shooting some artefact or monument with the built in flash. Those sorts would do better with an all in one bridge camera and spend the difference in the hotel bar.
So it seems youre also the sort of idiot that claims macs dont get viruses because they dont get the same viruses as windows pcs.
I'm that sort of idiot. I've run three Mac systems (2 laptops and a desktop for a while) over the past 5 years with no resident antivirus protection, and I've had 0 viruses. I've been in cybercafes on at least 4 different continents, hundreds of different WiFi networks, plugged hard drives and memory sticks in from all sorts of people, and never had a problem. I've never recommended antivirus software to any of the many people I've suggested buy a Mac, and none of them have ever come back to me with a messed up machine to sort out - the closest anyone has come was a hard drive failure after about 3 years of use. So, yes, I think "Macs don't get viruses" is a factually correct statement for all practical purposes, at least for the time being.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.