I don't consider an alcoholic who can't ever drink again to be "cured" in any way, shape or form
That there are two categories of people -- those who abuse and become dependent on alcohol, and those who do not -- is itself a myth that has become widely accepted because of twelve step programs. There are some people who are simply never able to maintain the self control needed to drink responsibly; there are others who can develop that self control with the assistance of a psychologist; and there are some for whom alcohol abuse and even dependence is temporary and who overcome it on their own. The twelve-step philosophy begins by excluding everything except the first group, but tells people who are in the second and third groups that they, in fact, are unable to develop any self control. That is one of the reasons twelve step programs are so unsuccessful: they start by ruling out any possibility of a person actually changing for the better.
Yet every "recovered" alcoholic I speak to tells me they must abstain from any alcoholic drinks, forever
Then you have not met people who abused alcohol in college, then grew up and stopped abusing alcohol. I knew someone in college who used to get drunk every day, who was skipping his classes and generally headed down the wrong path; then he became interested in joining the NYPD after school, and found that he was indeed capable of having one beer in a night and that a bottle of whisky did not have to completely consumed in one sitting. Keep in mind that drinking to the point of neglecting responsibilities meets the clinical definition of alcohol abuse; yet that same person stopped abusing alcohol on his own. In AA terminology, he is a "dry drunk" -- in other words, despite the fact that he is not abusing alcohol anymore, despite the fact that he cleaned up his act and is living a healthy life, he is still not "recovered" according to the twelve steps (should you point out this obvious logical fallacy, you might be told that he was never really an alcoholic at all, despite meeting the clinical definition of alcohol abuse).
The (lack of) logic of such a "cure" is mind boggling to me.
Well, what else would you call it if a person once had a condition that negatively affected their life, and does not have that condition today? If a cancer is in remission for five years without any medical treatment, we call it a cure. If a person once abused alcohol but has since stopped, and is able to not abuse alcohol without having their hands constantly held, how is that person not cured?
A recovered addict, to me, is someone who can enjoy life just like anyone else, simply not having the obsession about alcohol, drugs, or what the heck ever.
I think you are looking at the problem the wrong way. It is not a problem for a person to lack the discipline needed to drink in moderation; the problem is when a person who lacks that discipline decides to start drinking, even though they know they will be unable to stop themselves. One does not need to drink alcohol to enjoy life. Let's put it this way: I know a rabbi who has an allergic reaction to alcohol, so he drinks grape juice instead of wine for religious ceremonies (and he is just as happy during festive holidays as all the people around him who can drink).
Again, the definition of substance abuse is a pattern of behavior where someone uses a substance in a way that is dangerous or to the point where they are neglecting their responsibilities (e.g. their job, their family, etc.). If the only way for a person to not abuse alcohol is to not drink at all, then that person is cured by not drinking at all. That is a fairly extreme case, of course; most people can learn to use alcohol in moderation and to develop habits that ensure they do not abuse alcohol (in the case of my friend in college, he simply needed a clear goal in life). If a person stops abusing alcohol, they have been cured; there is simply no other way to state it.
It is also worth pointing out that dependence is not always a negative thing. Plenty of people develop a dependence on prescribed medications, but find that their quality of life improves while on those medications. A basic example is ADD treatment: it is not hard for a person to develop a dependence on the stimulants used to treat ADD, yet people with ADD often find their lives improve with the treatment -- and so despite the fact that they may have difficulty quitting the use of the drugs, and despite the fact that they may find themselves taking their medication even when they know they have no need for improved focus (say, while on vacation), there is a net improvement in their life. Dependence becomes a serious problem when the dependence is coupled with abuse i.e. when satisfying the dependence involves abusing the drug (cigarettes are probably the best example: if you smoke enough cigarettes in a day to develop a dependence, you are already abusing tobacco, because of the danger it poses to your health).