I've been making myself too busy to post much.
today's word of the day is abeyance. Rather than give the defintion I will use it in a sentance. this account was in abeyance, while i spent my time playing games and trying to get back on track with my goals.
I'm having a hard time remembering... what exactly do I want to do again? I've thought about it a bit, Do i want to be happy? well, when I want to be happy I usually am happy, the thing I seem to have the most trouble with is love. What Is love anyways? Why do we love? who do we love? Is love that feeling that you get when you see someone else smile? is love that feeling you get when you hear someone laugh? is love that feeling you get when you stop someone's tears from falling?
Is that all there is to love? do you protect the ones you love? Do you not protect the ones you love, for fear of suffocating them in a world of without pain? Do you hurt the ones you love, by trying to do what you thought was best for them?
Can you love someone you don't know? Can you ever really know anyone? Can you love somone you've never even met before? What are the boundaries of love? Where are it's limits? can love reach through time and space across any boundary? Does love no no limits?
Is love what I want? Can I ever truly love myself, for who I am?
I don't like working hard, and I never will. I do like challenges, but only if they're 'just right' with enough difficulty to challenge me, but not too much to frustrate, and not so little as to bore me. I love reading, but most non-fiction bores me, I love learning, but only when it sparks my imagination, I love exploring, but only when i don't get lost... Why is there nothing that I can love uncondintionally? Is it because I never surrender to love? Do I demand too much of love?
I'd love to know the answers...
I'm enjoying how this highschool drama was written a lot. just started into it, and it only went 12 episodes, so we'll see if the best writing was at the beginning...
I was thinking about how all current open source spyware scanners are all 'signature' based. Well signatures are worthless why? Any program can arbitrarily write data to itself, and thus change it's signature. Arbitrarily you say? yes. All you do is include some form of 'icon' or picture in the program. you then write a function to write random noise to random bits of that image. a 64x64 pixel image creates over 32 thousand possible 'signatures' per each revision of a self evolving spyware/virus.
So, while I don't have any code to prove this is possible.. It's pretty clear that 'signature' based protection is easily foiled if you rely on that alone. BTW if you 'leave' the image in the same portion of the exe at the same size, all the time 'signature' based software can simply generate it's 'signature' by ignoring that fixed block of the executable, however if your andomly adjust the size, and location, you create limitless possible signatures, while foiling attempts to isolate and ignore the 'automatically' changing bit of the code.
Rather than configuring the RAID, which was going to be a pain in the butt, I've done something easier, and better. I left the 80 gig drive in the system, formatted 20 gigs of it as a linux ext3 partition and left the rest as ntfs. I've mounted the 20 gigs in my home directory. So now i have 20 more gigs of space for linux (55 gigs total now) and 60 more gigs of space for windows (160 gigs total now)
Now all i need to do is load up some torrents and call it a night
...and I'll have a 100 Gig drive completly emptied.
I tried goig off the anti-depressants this weekend, but I was wrong, it's not soon enough yet. Im going to take 'half' pills though... pop open the capsule split up the meds inside by half. the full dosage was having way to many negative side effects, as well as promoting my feelings of being completely unstoppable.
It's sad that 2 hard drives sold today can out store my entire life long collection of hard drives.. what is slighly more sad is that it would take 150 DVDs to store as much data as all of my hard drives put together
part of why I was doing the house cleaning on the 'old' hard drives was out of concern for how much longer my present drives would keep on storing bits and bytes
Fun fun, I slipstreamed a Windows XP install CD saturday, and put a bunch of goodies on it including FireFox 1.06. I was highly out of synch with myself though, so I coasted quite a few CDs trying to follow 'simple' directions. 5 blank CDs down 250 to go... I'm eventually going to set up my system here with Raid-0 but there is an enormous amount of 'backing up' of data to be done first, because I just found a 100 gig drive I forgot I had and it's got 90 gigs of data on it I'm pretty sure is ONLY on it. So DVDs to burn whee.. It's burn fest 2005
and boy does it feel great ^^
I wanted to empty both 80 gigs, but decided against it when i realised there was a different OS on part of the other 80 gig, you know other than 'windows.'
Prolly FreeBSD I could check, with ghost, but it's not important. Also you would think two seperate hard drives, both set to master on seperate ide chains would be able to copy files to one another better than they are... stupid fragmentation.
She gave me an idea of how to put some of my experience in working with computers onto a nice resume. So, perhaps I shall find work... afterall.
got 14 done and don't wanna burn any more. i didn't get that many burned last night, so it was mostly today. If I had 16x media instead of 8x... it would save at least 4-5 mins a disc. verify would still take the same time though.
Well my linux HD may be fine, but I needed to back these HDs up anyways.
I'm down to 54 blank DVDs now
there has been no interest in the 'more interesting'
bet thing, however, learning all I can about cisco/networking etc. still seems like a good plan.
It would be nice to have a CCIE... however, without the 'challenge' of a bet to motivate me, I'm more likely to take it at a slower pace.. Not necisarilly a bad thing.. I'll still keep my 'kesuki' journals as a record of my progress in writing/learning etc.. and i think (might not, depend on how i feel about it) i might periodically link to the better jes i've made here there too
anyways, I'm gonna try to write up a resume, but it's gonna suck, oh well.. it's more how i talk to the people and convince them that i've got the knowlege and skill, and am willing to work flexible hours... just need to find a local shop that doesn't mind hiring a no experience geek...
(i'm moving to rice lake soon, and it's a bigger town i'll be looking there) I could look in the minneapolis area, but then I'd need somewhat more regular hours, as my sister would require me to pay rent. and i don't like the idea of paying that much rent...
Get hold of portable property. -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
