[Jobs comes out on stage, walks to the front, and immediately falls to his knees, hands held clasped in front of him]
SJ[with tears streaming down his face]: Oh Heavenly Pundits, we do beseech thee in this our hour of need. Deliver us from the taint of Bad Publicity that has afflicted us and bring us once more into the light of your divine Good Graces and Four-star Reviews. [bows head in abject shame]
Droid-lovers: Stone Him!
SJ: I humbly beg thy indulgence that I might offer unto thee a most inadequate but heartfelt explanation of The Antenna Curse of Doom.
DLs: You but delay the inevitable, sinner. But we grant thee leave to offer your confession.
SJ: Tis' true, Oh Pundits, that mine device doth exhibit the ACOD, and for this I most humbly apologize to any who have been afflicted.
DLs: All are afflicted when in your vile presence, devil. But continue. We are amused.
SJ: We wouldst offer up the results of our Most Extensive Testing that shows all other devices of like manufacture doth exhibit the same ACOD when fondled in proper fashion.
DLs: Have a care blasphemer, that our patience not run too thin. Dost thou accuse OUR devices of such abominations? [many sidelong glances amidst hefting of stones for proper weight]
SJ: Twas likely an error in the data, your Droidness. Speaking for our abjectly substandard device alone, we most humbly offer a Worthless Placating Solution.
DLs: And what might this worthless solution consist of, worm?
SJ: We propose to wall up the Antenna Curse of Doom behind a Permeable Barrier of Cheap Plastic, oh sage one.
DLs: Well, we would much prefer that you be stoned and simply go away, that we might rule the earth in peace, as the great God Google intended.
SJ: Again, we would beseech thy awesomeness to allow us to distribute our PBCP solution, that we might Dodge The Issue and continue to develop devices that you can cop...er...make fun of.
DLs: Very well. You shall be allowed to Mask The Problem by giving away free crap.
SJ: Oh thank you, thank you!
DLs: Drool not on our cloak, worm. Begone. Next time we bring the rocks.
SJ: [slinks away]