You know some couples are actually secure enough with each other not to freak out if their partners hints that they sometimes think about other people

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "secure with each other" (inertia?), but I'd think if they were secure and self-assured, they'd say, Time to move on; I can do better than settle for someone who settles for me.

and are actually capable of taking a joke about it.

I find it revealing that your use of "joke" in that sentence works the same way as "slap across the face."

If you can show me an unexpected, insightful twist, I might laugh. If you're just rude, I'll treat you like any other arsehole, and if you expect to smile (and encourage further arseholosity) in reply, I'll treat you like an arse twice. Before trying to avoid you in the future.

I find society's obsession with "seeking a guy who can make you laugh" and such quite tiring; you get a low percentage of people who are actually talented that way, and a large percentage of idiots who read that as a requirement and then are trite or rude and hope people will mistake that for funny. Humour's so overrated it's not even funny.

I've always been the nice guy

"I faked meeting the baseline standards of human decency, but women weren't all over me, so now I'm bitter."

Women are always claiming, "I want a nice guy who takes care of me and treats me well," and then go home with the biggest douche-bag at the end of the night.

"She picked somebody else."

I guarantee, if you're nice to her and actually do the things that make her happy, she'll put you firmly in the friend zone.

"I did friend things, and she treated me like a friend, instead of knowing it was all fraud to get into her pants! What do you mean I can't blame her for my being deceptive?"

she's just incredible - smart, successful, incredibly hot. Particularly kicking myself lately, as I'm helping her through another horrible breakup. (The guy was the typical macho asshole type, and she finally figured out after three years of living with him that he was a cheating, lying, drunk, lazy, immature drug-addict leech.

"She was really smart, except, she was really dumb, not knowing who'd really be good for her. Well, I guess I meant, 'She was smart -- for a woman.'"

So I say this, fellow geeks, don't follow your instincts to be nice. Be a dick. Flaunt your cash. It's what she's really attracted to, despite the fact she doesn't even realize it herself. Don't call, don't be overly helpful, don't listen attentively (or don't look like you are). Talk about yourself. Dismiss her problems. Hit on other women when you're out with her. Seriously, it's the dumbest fucking thing you've ever seen, but soon enough she'll be hooked.

"Women are dumb and don't know what they want. Also, they're automatons. Since you'll never be self-assured, at least don't act like a sycophant. Act like an arsehole. If you're lucky, somebody will mistake that for being strong or sovereign and, quite frankly, that is your only chance."

Yes, I have a late model sportscar that I bought after the divorce as a present to myself.

"When I lost the vagina-american accessory, my manhood wilted off, so I spent a lot of money to advertise that I'm pitiful. Maybe, I'll attract some dumb chick with a Samaritan complex."

Yes, I learned to dress better than usual when going out.

"It's scandalous I should have to groom myself, scandalous, I say!, while expecting ten times that from women!"

I like how this is actually illegal in Germany. There are exceptions for "people of note", ie, celebrities/politicians/..., but you can't legally take pictures of "normal" individuals with their consent. In other words, you need the equivalent of a model release even if you only use the pictures privately. Yes, there are exceptions for large groups and such, and yes, it's hard to enforce now that every cell phone has a camera, but still, it's a nice touch.

I really don't get people who complain about how they got this really expensive camera, and now they have to ask before they get to use it. So what? It's not my fault you made that decision, why should I have to suffer for it? Taking pictures of unwilling people isn't a goth-given right. Also, it's bloody impolite. Having access to a camera is a necessary but not sufficient prerequisite to morally -- and in some places legally -- taking pictures of people.

We don't do 'wrong'

So, how'd the kool aid taste?