Or a raspberry pi with a custom case, lithium ion battery pack, and a small usb touchscreen (LCD or e-ink)? Seems another really hacker friendly option, very low power and printing a custom case means you could theme it anyway you want.
Instead of a touchscreen you could use a LED alphanum display off the usb and hardware buttons off the gpio header. Only really needs a video display when it needs the audio/playlist changed, and a led display is much more visible in light than an LCD.

No laws like that around here, they would be "undue burdens on the poor defenseless companies just trying to meek out an honest living with their regional monopolies, ever increasing prices, lack of investment in infrastructure, and billions in tax breaks and government handouts..."

Wyoming is particularly bad, I think we have one 4G tower in the entire state, 3G coverage is pretty spotty even in populated areas, and chunks I-80 don't even have voice cell coverage (I-90 and I-25 are even worse).
If you're lucky, you can find a mcdonalds that actually bothered to setup their corporate mandated hotspot (on a sub 1meg DSL line).

Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops.
In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.

No such thing as freeway driving, just freeway parking. If the whitehouse could bring freeway speeds up to 50MPH california would erect a 100ft gold statue of Obama and create a week long holiday in his honor.

I dunno about the quality of prints, I've never used them and forgot they even existed...

Yank the HD.
Slave it to another machine.
Save what you need to.
Format it.
Toss it back into the original machine.
If he can handle it, install your favorite flavor of linux. If not, reinstall windows.
Make sure his account lacks the privileges to get into that much trouble in the future.
Start researching identity theft countermeasures.

I wouldn't consider 3 blocks from disneyland as rural america (my old apartment).
My new apartment (in Wyoming) has broadband because I happened to be on the right side of the street near the middle of town.

And true, it is a lifestyle choice to live in wyoming. I personally prefer the lifestyle of having a stable job in a decently populated area where $1200/month gets you a large house, not a 1 bedroom apartment with no insulation or AC in the middle of 110F heat.

You kidding me? US law covers all the way out to Uranus.
Some people tried to protect it but US law has a long reach and penetrates deep.

Coal mining is down in my state due to slowing demand, and some coal plants are due to be dismantled and replaced with nat gas plants in the near future.

I'd prefer a nuke plant though, less meth involved in extracting fuel for it.

http://www.raspberrypi.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=63&t=10516&p=119100&hilit=web+browsing#p118172

So, Slashdot?

For a decent enough bribe/price. Yes, in a heartbeat.

Will one of the lightning drones gain sentience from the lightning and start calling itself Number 5?

According to the packaging: 43% lips, 39% assholes, 17% inorganic matter, 1% "natural flavorings".
Maybe I should stop buying Bar S hotdogs...