x\\ spell your name backwards: k2_ih
x\\ have you ever had a song written about you: Just a really bad rap by a drunken friend.
x\\ what song makes you cry: Tiny Dancer, Elton John
x\\ what song makes you happy: Digital Love, Daft Punk.
x\\ what's your all time fav. song?: Walking on the Sun, Smash Mouth. Though Sandstorm by Darude comes close
x\\ what do you listen to before you go to sleep: too much. I've got several day's worth of OGG's on continuous loop
x\\ height: 5' 6
x\\ hair color: Brown, for the moment
x\\ piercings: none
x\\ tattoos: none

r i g h t _ n o w . . .
x\\ what color pants are you wearing: blue jeans
x\\ what song are you listening to: Secrets of the Final Chapter, Chaosmachine
x\\ what taste is in your mouth?: Pure water
x\\ whats the weather like?: Really disgustingly rainy
x\\ how are you?: Pretty OK.
x\\ get motion sickness?: Nope
x\\ have a bad habit?: Scratching my head
x\\ get along with your parents?: Pretty well. As well as a teenager can
x\\ have a current crush: Heh. My previous journal entries handle this one pretty well
x\\ have a big regret: Going back to school.

f a v o u r i t e . . .
x\\ tv show: TV? You mean the playstation monitor?
x\\ conditioner: Whatever is on the shelf
x\\ book: Enders game
x\\ non alchohol drink: Mountain Dew
x\\ alchohol drink: Not really applicable, but I happen to find a good Sam Adams summer brew quite pleasing
x\\ things to do on the weekend: Curl up under a blanket and play a Square RPG

h a v e _ you _ e v e r . . .
x\\ broken the law: Many a time
x\\ snuck out of the house: No.
x\\ ever gone skinny dipping: Only accidentally
x\\ made a prank phone call: No
x\\ tipped over a port-a-potty: No
x\\ use your parents credit card: All the time
x\\ skipped school: For all I hate it, no
x\\ fell asleep in the shower/bath: Every morn
x\\ been in a school play: Nope
x\\ had a boyfriend/girlfriend: no...
x\\ had children: Only in The Sims
x\\ been in love: SamTheButcher and Organized Konfusion are still debating that one
x\\ have a hard time getting over someone: Most certainly
x\\ been hurt?: too often
x\\ gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: No

r a n d o m . . .
x\\ have a job: Kinda.
x\\ your cd player has what in it right now: Been ogg only for a year
x\\ if you were a crayon, what color would you be?: Blue
x\\ what makes you happy?: Making others happy
x\\ the next CD you're going to buy: Buy?

w h e n _ was _ t h e _ last _ t i m e . . .
x\\ you got a real letter: All the time from colleges
x\\ got an email: 5 hours, 11 minutes ago
x\\ thing you purchased: A bunch of Teddy bears from the Breast Cancer society
x\\ Tv program you watched: Kingdom Hearts?
x\\ movie you saw in the theaters: Spongebob Squarepants
x\\ kissed: ...
x\\ hugged: Yesterday
x\\ song heard: The Chain, Fleetwood Mac
x\\ place you were [ besides home ]: A client's house
x\\ phonecall: Called some friends over for starcraft this afternoon
x\\ you were depressed: This morn. Waking up
x\\ you were in the hospital: Cannot remember.

w h a t _ comes _ t o _ mind . . .
x\\ car: pet
x\\ murder: OJ Simpson
x\\ cape: may
x\\ penis: freud
x\\ cell: phone
x\\ shoe: lace
x\\ fun: key
x\\ crush: G1
x\\ music: video
x\\ chalk: bored

n u m b e r . . . :
x\\ of time you've been in love: One? Two? Zero?
x\\ of girls you have kissed: none, unless you count my mother.
x\\ of boys you have kissed: None
x\\ of times your name has appeared in a newspaper: 4. For math team awards
x\\ of scars on your body: Don't keep track.. Probably around 5
x\\ of things in your past you regret: too many

d o _ you _ t h i n k _ you _ a r e . . . :
x\\ pretty: maybe
x\\ funny: Looking
x\\ hot: I'm too sexy for my shirt
x\\ friendly: 90% of the time
x\\ ugly: Maybe
x\\ loveable: I guess
x\\ caring: As much as possible
x\\ sweet: Whenever I can
x\\ dorky: I'm doing this, aren't I?

f a v o u r i t e . . . :
x\\ actor/actress: The Rock
x\\ least favorite day: Tuesday. Always worse than monday.
x\\ flower: Camellia
x\\ jello flavor: Grape
x\\ summer/winter: Summer

p e r s o n _ who _ l a s t . . . :
x\\ slept in your bed: Me
x\\ saw you cry: I don't cry when others are around
x\\ sent you an email: Someone I'm doing some work for

h a v e _ you _ e v e r
x\\ said i love you and meant it: Yes
x\\ went out in public in pjs: In first grade, we had a PJ day
x\\ kept a secret from everyone: All the time, but never. All my secrets are stored out in the open as jokes
x\\ been to new york: All the time
x\\ to california: Never

w h e n _ was :
x\\ last cigarrete: Never
x\\ last cry: On the question about crying
x\\ last book read: the fourth gunslinger novel by Stephen King
x\\ last curse word uttered: Who gives a fuck?
x\\ last beverage drank: water
x\\ last food consumed: Chicken burritos.
x\\ last phone call: this afternoon
x\\ showered: 6:30 this morning
x\\ last shoes worn: Sneakers, driving earlier tonight
x\\ last cd played: Vegas, Crystal Method
x\\ last thing written: a couple minutes ago
x\\ last word spoken: good night to my parents at around 10:30
x\\ last sleep: 6:00 this morn
x\\ last im: Half an hour
x\\ sexual fantasy: During study hall.
x\\ last ice cream eaten: Three weeks?
x\\ last time wanting to die: Just before I started writing in my journal.

Once again in study hall. G1 is playing a game right next to me. I think anything with her is just a pipe dream, but I just can't stop thinking about her. I don't know if it's love or just mental lust, but every waking moment she's running through my head.

I talked to R some more today. She randomly was in my study hall: She normally has a class, but her teacher was unexpectedly absent. We chatted for a while, then when she left J came up and teased me about her again.

J thinks himself a pimp, but really falls flat. He never seems to have a clue and has decidedly chauvanistic tastes. I mentioned G1 to him once and he just laughed. Luckily, he'd never figure out where this is. Striker knows, but wouldn't tell him (Btw: Striker is short for Striker770S, one of my RL friends. He may be reading this.)

I don't know what to think about OK and STB's discussion on unrequited love. On one hand, I don't think it's productive to spend time loving someone who doesn't love you back, but that doesn't make it any easier to quit.

As I write this, g1 is close enough to touch but out of reach. I'm on the late bus heading out of hell. My sister just got on, but thankfully didn't see me and charged right past. G1 is seated back one row on the opposite side, normally perfect for conversation were it not for my friend J who is sitting next to me, blocking the conversation angle. I've written all of these so far on the bus. Oddly enough, I'm flirting with this girl named R, who is ranting about human behavior. She's kinda interesting, since I swear I've met her a year ago on this same late bus. She suggests her identical twin, which is a possibility. Note: She lives between the chens and p. oaks. Now that she's gone, J is talking about another friend, M's dating problems. Kinda ironic, when he's right in the middle of mine. Now we're almost at G1's stop. Too bad.

This morning started with me over where G1 spends her mornings, in the decidedly nerdy area in the back of the school. She is a studious one, but I think it's mainly based on her locker, which is right in the middle. One of the problems with having a "C" last name. It was going well, the evil boyfriend was busy and not around, but then G2 came up and g1 moved away. Kinda too bad. G2 is getting a little grating, but... I'm not sure. She is just over an extended relationship, and I don't know what that means for the us, present or future.

I've decided, since I'm having trouble coming up with subject lines, I'll just put up a song title.

Luckily, nothing terrible seems to have happened yet.

I was flirting with g2 in study hall today. She is a flirt, but I think I may have something going. KH yesterday was a nice touch. She's insistent that I not get her anything in return, but I'm gonna anyway.
I still haven't gotten over G1, though. What is Knowing someone? I don't think physical contact is necessary. I'd say I Know a lot of the people whose journals I read better than I Know people I've met in real life. I think the anonymity allows people to say things they wouldn't if they were to see someone everyday. This can be good, and it can be bad.

I bring this up because I read g1's blog. I know her in real life, but I think she's more real to her blog than to reality. I don't know, however, if the online persona will ever come out in real life, and I don't know how to merge our online friendship with real life friendship.

Music is a great mood enhancer. It's almost like a drug. It changes, on some fundamental level, how your brain works. The right song at the right time can make all the difference.

Today was awesome and terrible. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It seemed to start out badly, with a big fight between my mother and I over whether or not I needed to wear a coat. Stupid, but things have been really tense around my house recently. I'm on the brink with school, and there's really nothing she can do, but I still feel that she should be trying something, anything.

From there, however, things suddenly turned to awesome. G2 came up and randomly handed me a copy of Kingdom Hearts, which I have been meaning to get since it came out. She's a big square fan, and a big Disney fan, so it's no surprise it's one of her favorite games. I didn't know what to say. I've gotta get something for her, something really special, but I don't really know. Time for searching.

Luckily, it was a short school day, but after school I went to a nearby soup kitchen where I volunteer. That seemed to go on forever. All the while, though, there was this terrible mist in the air. Something terrible had happened, or was happening, or was about to happen. I though back to The_Mad_Poster's last journal and was seriously scared. The kitchen is in a bad part of a worse city, but normally I feel pretty confident there. Not today.. I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Nothing really important to do (just installing SP2 on a couple of machines in their public computer area), but it made me wonder.

Today was an interesting day. It was blissfully short, which unfortunately also meant I didn't get to work on my Latin project. Mostly, though, it was good.

There are two women who I am in love with in my study hall. They're very much opposites of each other, which is probably why I like them both. One is quiet, shy, and involved with school activities and concerned about grades. The other is a loud, outgoing, and carefree entrepreneur. The former is currently going out with a person I despise, and the latter has just come out of a very long relationship. I'm just going to refer to them as g1 and g2 for this, as I don't know who might be reading this. Heck, if either of them read this they would instantly know who they were.

G1 has been in my eye since I first met her. I don't know why. She's pretty, but not exactly a bombshell. Something, though, about the way she smiles and laughs really gets me. I would love to just talk with her, and to some extent I do, but she is very shy, and I really don't want to give away the fact that I'm in love with her. I may have, though, and I don't really know. I've tried to be her friend, and I never know if I've gone too far.

G2 is a flirt. I met her about the same time as G1 became involved. She's really nice, and quite funny, but I don't know how to describe the way she comes off except as Angsty. Despite her combat boot wearing exterior, she's really very traditional, and recently went on a long and impassioned rant about how stupid teen sex is. Which I consider, oddly enough, sexy.

I've decided to give up my other blog. It's not worth maintaining it, and the people who would read it are not worth talking to.
I'm not sure to say when introducing myself. I'd like to say, quite simply, "I'm ______, and I'm proud of it", but I'm not sure what goes in the blank. I've lost a sense of my identity, which is the one thing that has always been my greatest fear.
I'm writing this as a diary. Hopefully, I'll sit down each day and type out normal diary entry as if it was private. I don't know if I'll get comments or not, but I feel it'll be good for me to help sort out my life.

I'd like to write some background information on myself, first. Stories can work by starting you out in the middle, but for a journal, it's better to go in order. I'm 16. I'm classified as gifted. For years, I've struggled in school. I've been home schooled twice, the first for 3rd grade, the second for the period from halfway through 5th to the beginning of high school. The first was because of a conflict between my mother and my elementary school principal. I loved 2nd grade, but because of the way children were grouped in my school I ended up in a class filled with the "Special needs" students. The policy of the principal was to have heterogeneous classrooms and to group classes so that all classes had the same average IQ. My second grade teacher, however, was really good and was able to make the class interesting to me. For third grade, however, I was placed with a teacher who was known to be downright rude to gifted children, after my mother had specifically requested that I not be put in that class. After that, my mother withdrew me.
For fourth, I wanted to go back to school, and the year passed without incident. Fifth grade, however, was decidedly interesting. My teacher was, to put it kindly, unsure of herself. She made up for this by publicly ridiculing me and encouraging the other kids in my class to do the same.

Finally, after half a year of counseling, my mother realized that there may be more to my complaints about school than delusion. Two meetings, one with just my teacher and one with the teacher, guidance counselor and Principal, and I was withdrawn. I spent the rest of the year being home schooled, then I was allowed, on a trial basis, to take courses at the local community college, where I stayed until starting high school in 2001. I enjoyed my time at the college, but I yearned for a normalcy. Biggest mistake of my life. School has been a thing of false promises, insane dictators, and idiots.

So here I am. 16, barely passing my classes at school and dreading every weekday morning where I am thrust into an alien world for 7 hours a day. I've gotten some of the things I wanted, but lost almost all that I had. I'm going to post one thing here each day, I've promised myself that. I want to leave a mark, even if things don't work out for me, and maybe just putting this down into writing will help.

Just got back from the movies. I went "Out on the town" for my first time ever. I'm kinda a shy kid at my school, despite being well liked.
We went to see "Sky Captain", which was awesome looking but shallow, and then we wandered around Barnes and Noble for an hour. No hints of "Action", but I greatly enjoyed myself in a real social situation.

Why is it that on every issue, there's a Republican way, a Democratic way, and occasionally a crazy way dreamed up by one of the ultra partisan groups? For Gay marriage, Simple answer: Call it a civil union, make it exactly the same benefits. Or, better yet, give up the whole idea of "The State" recognizing marriages and call EVERYTHING a civil union. Marriage has always been a religious thing, why call the secular benefits by the same name?
Some issues need debate. I believe in the Iraqi war. The soccer team would not have been around and doing so well if it hadn't been for the ousting of Saddam. I do believe that the whole thing was up for debate that it did not receive.
I think we need a new political party devoted to SANITY and OPEN PUBLIC DEBATE. Politicians no longer debate in Debates, they smear. That's gotta go. Smear campaigns are about the slimiest and most disgusting things ever invented, yet they dominate elections.

Summer's more than half over, and I've gotten less than a quarter of what I wanted to done. I can't seem to sit down and code like I used to. Maybe I need a vacation, or maybe I need less caffine.

I'm getting OLD. Not as old as most of the people on here, but old nonetheless. Still, I got a cool watch and a GBA SP out of the deal. And one of my friends who just got back from China got me a set of Terra Cotta Army figurines.

Getting older makes me think. What will the world be like when I'm 26? 60? I dont think it's going to change much, but I hope it does. Too much of the bad aspects of Humanity show through right now, with war, terror, corruption and greed ruling the day. Maybe we'll get past that. Maybe not. I guess the best thing is to just keep living and see.

Whenever we find ourselves together, we love to talk about the past, present and future.

From this Journal

My D&D results:

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Mage Bard

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Deity:


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)

Mage works for me (I go by GauntletWizard on some other sites), but Bard?

Not quite the full night, I spent around 4 hours asleep, but FFXI is addictive. The interface has a steep learning curve, but once you know it, it works well. Absolutley beautiful, though. I had it set to the lowest graphics settings for the first long while playing, and it still looked goregous. Worth a video card upgrade to see in all its glory. Engaging story, too. Square lives up to its reputation with a killer intro movie and an interesting plot. Trying to play with your friends is supposed to be a major stopping point, with the worldpasses, so I'll see how that goes.

Final score:9.5/10
Graphics: 10/10
Gameplay: 9/10
Lag: 10/10
Community: 8/10

Whoo! I just got FFXI, installing as I type. Everything I've heard about it so far puts it at "Fun" but I'll see how it goes. With square's Track record, It should be good, but this is the first forray into a new field. I'm gonna review it as soon as I decide to log off (Which may be a while, from what I've heard)