Let's see now - first of all, a fucking great hurricane wipes out that sordid nigger city New Orleans and drives the remaining coons into a big ol' stadium. From here they proceed to rape and kill each other, as niggers are prone to do - sort of a self correcting problem really. I think Bush made a wise tactical desician in delaying assistance to this crime prone city - maybe it is best that we just let it rot and sink?

The 2nd best news, was the death of almost 1,000 crazy Islamic terrorists in training - oh, sure - they were women and children, but they were on their way to the Islamic "Church" to get the daily dose of brainwashing that they should kill all good Westerners [excluding the criminal niggers from NO, of course]
How perfect was that to see - someone yells 'BOO' and, like the LEMMINGS that the muslims are, they flee and jump off a bridge - allu be praised.. hehe - allah be FUCKED more like it.

Anyway, I just thought I'd summarise these exciting developments.

GOT A FIRST POST in Microsoft Windows Media Player Encryption Hacked

In yet another astonishing display of slashdot stupidity, a bunch of 12 year old slashbots mod down the real John Carmack for DARING to post in the article where Quake 3 was open sourced.
John Carmack's Latest 24 of 141 Comments
Re:And that's why id Software rocks. : 1, Offtopic
Re:Hmm : 1, Troll
Re:Unreal Engine 4 : 1, Flamebait
attached to Quake 3: Arena Source GPL'ed

AND YOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE LIKE ME TROLL SLASHDOT - FUCKING DORKS!
[I would be First Posting this comment if I wasnt IP banned - any one reading this, please let the "moderators" know how you feel.]

Another fine FIRST POST.

... for those brave souls on the shuttle , about to reenter the earth.
Let's hope the duct tape holds, but if not then here are a couple of suggestions for trolling:
'LOL JEWS DID SPACE!'
'Typical US shit - this is what happens when the republicans are in charge'
'Typical US shit - this is what happens when the democrats cut funding'
'Did the shuttle run linux?'
'Terrorists have taken out the shuttle!'
'It was a CIA job to get more funding'
'It was an NSA job to get more CIA agents'
'Aliens took out the shuttle'

Seriously, I hope it goes well - I have more fun trolling religeons than science.

3.. 2... 1... ignition!
Congratulations, citizen you have successfully launched your NASA compliant shuttle into orbit. Oh, dont worry about the crap that fell off the side during launch - that shit happens all the time. What's that - the media caught it, umm... well you better fix it yourself buddy, coz you're outside our service range. You find a toolbox next to the fire extinguisher. Good luck.

So there you are trapped in space in a leaky shuttle. You job is to fix it, but how do you start?

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as :
"Making a plane with a rubber band engine",
and "Grease? Don't just eat it - fix stuff with it too!"

Today we are going to repair a multi-billion dollar 40 year old space shuttle which is orbiting the earth using nothing but some pliers, a hacksaw, sealant and duct tape.

Put on your spacesuit and go to the outside of the shuttle to where the problem was discovered - now go back to the ship and get your oxygen tank and lets try that again.

Remove the offending debris with the pliers and hacksaw, and then pull out the sticky 'sealant' - don't worry, this will just pull right out - its not like any extreme forces or temperatures would have affected it.

Get your Sellys No More Gaps and glue *carefully* around the replaced tile and allow 24 hours to dry before attempting re-entry.

Now remove a 6 inch strip of duct tape and apply it firmly over your ass - this is to stop you shitting your pants during re-entry.

Good Luck - and thanks for flying NASA!

------
[update] - FIRST POST

Hi Babe, you are probably new to slashdot and this most likely your first time with mod points.

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
"White with 2 sugars, thanks toots!",
"YO - BITCH... time for my BLOWJOB!!"
The purpose of this article is to remind the female internet users of their correct position in the pecking order.
Your job, quite simply is to produce naked pictures of yourself and to MAKE MY FUCKING COFFEE!!!

If you have any concerns or complaints, then instead of acting like a typical girl and modding this post down, you should actually discuss the issue. [NOTE- even though this post will be modded troll in 2.8 nanoseconds, there will be 89% of people here who agree with this!

damn - only got 2nd post
I have been posting shit on this site for over 4 years now, and in all my time of getting first posts, I have NEVER seen such INCONSISTANT moderation of first posts as I do now.

Look at my last 3 first posts - they are modded Flamebait, Funny and Informative - yet, they are basically the same fucking post! Come on - mods - LIFT UP YOUR GAME and BE CONSISTANT, otherwise you will end up like Taco.

We've all seen the shocking bombings in London recently caused by extremist muslims who, quite frankly have nothing better to do with thier time.

But what about the 'normal' muslims, I hear you cry - how can they go about our lives in this post 7-7 world?

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
Cheese - what does it mean to the average Muslim, and
Islam - what *is* the point? I mean... really!

Today, we are going to discuss how the average bright eyed, yet naive mulsim can go about their lives following the devastating and shocking bomb attacks on London.

Step 1 - Dont be ashamed
You are a muslim - you have chosen your religeon freely because you parents told you to and despite nagging doubts in the back of your head that it is all a bit 'silly', you will continue to follow whatever interpretation of the koran anyone happens to talk about. Dont feel dumb - it isnt your fault - remember, that you have millions of others thinking just the same way, so you must be right!

Step 2 - Pack up your camping gear
You are going out to the country, so you will need lots of supplies! Get yourself a nice big backpack and fill it will pots, pans, food, clothes and spare copies of the koran because you will be out in the wilderness for several days.

Step 3 - Heading for the train
The train trip will take a while, so you will want to listen to some 'koran on tape' cassettes - put your walkman in your rucksack and feed the headphone wires out the top so you have access to the music.
OK, IT'S TIME TO GO!!!
With your headphones hanging out of your rucksack and your teatowel wrapped around your head, you can now proudly walk out the door of your hovel to the nearest train station to head off to your camping trip.

Step 4 - Dealing with the Police
If the police take an interest in you, simply screech "ALLAH BE PRAISED" and reach for your headphones so that you can let them hear the magical insight of the 'koran on tape'.
Should the police then reach for their guns, you will need to quickly remove your student id from your inside jacket pocket and show it to them. Dont worry - everything will sort itself out (Allah will know what to do)

First Fucked up Post, Fuckers!!

OMFG - I cannot believe that you are such a TOTAL FUCKING LOSER.

Yes, I am talking to you - the 'moderator' with the small penis and no clue - you know who you are - you are the only STUPID IDIOT reading this post, and ... look ... here he goes.... YES - this DUMB FUCKFACE has just wasted one of his precious mod points on modding down the first post.

Wow - what a DICKHEAD you are. Gee, I bet your mums proud though, isnt she? What? she thinks you are a total fuckhead as well? - well what do you know!

ANOTHER FINE FIRST POST, UNHAMPERED BY LAME CAPTCHA TRICKS

New feature on Slashdot

I like these new picture puzzles slashdot has when you post a message. Currently I am getting over half of them right - they can be tricky sometimes.

Of course, it doesnt stop people getting a first post...

Sometimes you just get lucky I guess...
1. First Fire_Horse post attached to Supreme Court Allows Direct Shipment of Wine
2. WHAT??? Another FIRE_HORSE FIRST POST? attached to Unmanned Aircraft Clustered via Bluetooth

I can retire happily now, knowing that I have achieved something with my life - what have you achieved?

Damn - only got second post

-------
1. Images in Posts
There have been many times when posting that I have needed to include a diagram, or a picture to show context to what I am saying. Images give the entire site a more up to date and professional look

2. Emoticons
Sure, they can be a bit silly at times, but a strategically placed smiley face in an insightful post can clear up if the poster is being serious or joking - this can only improve slashdot.

3. More HTML tags allowed in posts We really should be able to choose our own theme of posting - I myself like the latest Outlook style and (background of leaves on a brown page with gently scrolling text) and it would enhance the readibility of some posts - it would even make identifying posters easy.

Would it be possible to get these features implemented in the next release?

EDITORS NOTE - Another Fine Fire_Horse First Post!
-----------
What started out as an intimate evening, turned into a terrible night.
We went to a fancy restaurant and talked about how much we loved each other. After dinner, we went for a walk along the beach, then stopped for a nightcap at a quiet lounge bar.
After getting back home we went straight to bed and started making out - it was great. We threw our clothes across the room and embraced in fierce passion right their on the bedroom floor. I plunged my purple headed warrior into my wifes quivering love mound and it was that point which I forgot myself. I screamed out "OH MERCATUR - YUO ARE TEH HOTTIE!!!!111@2

.. at which point my wife smacked me in the head and left the room. It took me a minute to realise what happened, and then when I replayed it I was confused. I came straight to trolltalk to get some advice, so please answer honestly. Should I:
(1) Masturbate while thinking of MERCATUR
(2) Masturbate while thinking of my wife hitting me

Please answer quickly, as I am about to blow my load, and if I cant think of what to wank to, then I dont know what will happen.

5:50am - alarm clock goes off. Crawl out of bed and stagger into shower
5:53am - masturbate furiously in shower then wash self
6:15am - brush teeth
6:20am - get dressed for work
6:30am - watch news while making salad sandwiches for lunch
6:45am - have a cup of coffee
7:15am - drive to train station
7:24am - catch the train to Adelaide. Read book on train
8:09am - arrive at Adelaide and walk to work
8:15am - start work.. fire up PC and get a coffee
8:25am - read trolltalk, personal emails, dilbert jokes, etc
9:00am - have a smoke
9:05am - start doing real work for an hour
10:00am - smoko - have a coffee and check trolltalk
11:00am - do some more real work - attend meetings, look intelligent, pretend I give a shit
12:00pm - LUNCHTIME!!! Put on mirrored sunglasses and go for walk in rundle mall. Perve on women - attempt to walk past chicks with low cut tops or short skirts. Pray for sudden wind storm
12:30pm - back to work - stop off at toilets and masturbate furiously while imagining that the hot chicks in the mall suddenly took their clothes off and turned out to be mercatur
12:31pm - have a coffee after cleaning off semen from toilet walls and pants
1:00pm - eat lunch while reading slashdot
2:00pm - do some work
3:00pm - read slashdot and post crap to trolltalk
4:15pm - TIME TO GO HOME - walk to train station
4:30pm - catch train home, try to sit across from hot chick and oggle at her tits
5:10pm - get home to wife and talk about day - make up shit about how busy and important I was
6:00pm - eat tea and watch TV with wife
8:30pm - fire up 33k modem and go on the net. Check trolltalk to make sure slashpanda hasnt posted any derogitory remarks about me
9:00pm - have a couple of beers and post crap on slashdot - go for first post, but if FAILED then post crap on trolltalk
11:00pm - think about the work I should have been doing
11:15pm - go to bed. think of mercatur to get penis erect and then slam fully erect penis into sleeping wifes ass while screaming FIRST POST!!!!
11:16pm - use icepack on black eye and spend night sleeping in lounge room

Editors Notes:
1. These details are fairly true, but the times may or may not be accurate [just in case you are a Secret Service agent trying to track me down... or worse, some religeous freak who takes my trolls too seriously]
2. Why the fuck did I post this? I dont fucking know - I am BORED BORED BORED and if you think this is bad, then just wait until I start posting my old invention ideas and recipes
3. Do I really masturbate at work - WHAT DO YOU THINK DICKHEAD - this is a post on trolltalk so dont expect too much truth

"The_Fire_Horse claims the 25,812th Spoke!" appears as the latest post in Slashdots dungeon area named 'trolltalk'.
The author, now an insane old man who never did get that girlfriend he so desperately wanted, is destined to die a virgin just as that fortune teller told him so many years ago at the Aquarian fair.

Hi, I was The_Fire_Horse and you might remember me from such posts as
...umm... Ah, fuck it - I cant remember shit any more.

Anyway, todays post is about the survivors of trolltalk and how they turned out:

Klerk still posts his suicide notes every 2 years

All the basement geeks from the early 2000's are now masters of the new world as they were all safely hidden from the sun when the great solar flare of 2007 wiped out 99.5% of humans. [plz disregard obvious day/night clue to keep this lame joke going]

Mercutar died of old age in 2008

CmdrTacos grandson fails, like both his ancestors; to patch the 20721 sid.

Cracky Chan actually started posting on trolltalk and turned into a desparate loser like all of us - now, aged 67 her 'little red nose' is natural thanks to years of alcohol abuse and her 'cute little hats' tend to frighten even the most desperate trolltalker.

the_mad_poster is chosen as the new pope, but after 247 minutes of Consecutive prayer he is sacked just to shut him up.

CowboyNeal is still the top anonymous poster on trolltalk

Despite being modded down on (even on trolltalk) and without proxies the Fire_Horse still manages to post shit (but now has 826 slashdot logons)

goatsegoatsegoatsegoatsegoatsegoatsegoatsegoatsegoa
jujjklgkljg vj glk x                 oiwiuf dkj las
goaqwegiukpib cncv       lollrorll    hugortghvnslq
g cncbcgjhgvuyytse       l       o    oatsegoatsego
afg rt dfh g gri         l       l     fktibfdnf ku
ty f hjfgh jg            o R.I.P.r         goatiugo
dfgggdggh                l       o               at
goatse      roffolofloloro       ffolrorlololro  se
gdfgdf      o            TROLLTALK            l  go
gotyuu      l            2003-2005            l  at
goatyu      oLOLyhbtroroff       lolrofololroro  se
gotyu                    l       o               go
gty                      l       l        ury rtyat
goat   "I Love you all"  l       o        y  rtyrye
goatse   - Cracky chan   o       l       uOo  y  go
goatse                   l       l      oyrto rtyat
goat                     o       o    o  oio kjfdye
goat   You were the      l       l    oiu   jkbm go
goat   best part of me"  o       r       u   l   at
goat     - Mercarur      l       o   o     yk jk se
gohfhfgh                 o       r  oOo   p     ygo
goatseuiui               l       o   o   i   tyyrat
gortyrty                 o       l   oiu l  dgtr se
goatsefgh gfh jfgh I wert-iuyoiuuoiuiughhg fghghLOL

Yes, Netcraft has confirmed it - TROLLTALK is Dead.

The crumbling SID has finally been cut off from its
feeding tube (Terri style) and left to die.

Over a period of several weeks the trolls left, sad
dejected, homeless and alone.

The 2 primary troll cheerleaders Mercatur and Cracky
Chan were heart broken, and with no trolls left to
hold them gently and console them, they ended up finding
boyfriends and getting on with their lives.

Rest In Piece, Trolltalk - you have served Slashdot well!