Hello everyone!

I have had some exelent turds lately. I ate a spinach salad for lunch and a 1/2 lb burger at Mosley Burger, in Herndon. The mornings turd was a two stage turd. The first was small. Very disapointing. But, 10 minutees later, the main turd arived. It was pretty big, about 18 inches. It was a deep green-black in color. There was a sharp dirt smell in the air. Clean up was not too bad, but not the easiest. It flushed well. I rate these turds as 4 and 8.

ADDED 9:54 3/29:Damn typo...

I had Pho last night. i ate at Pho96 in Sterling, Virginia. "Pho", for those who don't know, is Vietnamese for sewer water. But, I digress. Pho is not that bad. I had beef Pho. There were other options, but beef sounded like the safest. They also had 'meat', tongue, gizzard, and tripe flavored pho. This morning I had a rather watery turd. It was still solid, but like a very thick mud in consistancy. It had a grassy smell to it, in fact, it reaked of grass. It was greenish-black in color, which is my standard color now, due to my iron pills. Clean up was a pain since all the toilet paper was gone. I had to use paper towels. The paper towles were rough and made my ass unhappy. Flushing caused the turd to disentigrate, it looked like muddy water going down the drain. I rate this turd as a 6.

Hello Everyone. Sorry I was gone for a while. It has been busy here at work. I have not had the time to properly score my turds. But, I am back. I am still on my iron pills and fish oil. I had to work and the cafe here was closed. I had two Whoppers with cheese and no lettuce. It produced a long black-green turd. It was about 16 inches in length and two inches across. Once again, it had the dirt smell. Clean up was with out problems. I rate this turs as an eight.

Come visit me on Trollaxor.com!

My Iron pills are taking hold. I ate at Z's Italian last night. The Manicotti was excelent. It made a nice turd. The turd actually scared me. It was about 16 inches long and very thick. And, get this, it was black-green! It looked like a Black Momba snake. It smelled like dirt. It cleaned up pretty well. It did not flush. After 3 tries, I gave up and left it there. My cow-orkers gathered around and gawked at it for several minutes. A janitor had to come and extract it from the toilet and carry it out of the building. I almost cried with joy. I rate this turd as a 9.

It was pizza night last night; I had a small cheese and mushroom pizza from Papa John's. It was pretty good. This morning it made a respectable turd. It was an average length (about 12 inches). It did take some pushing to get it out due to all the bread that I had eaten. It was a generic brown color and didn't smell too bad. It cleaned up well. Flushing was also not a problem and it went cleanly. I rate this turd as a 7.

The sun had already risen when Eric was awoken by his alarm. It was another beautiful day at the Pennsylvania university that he was attending on a Faggotry Studies scholarship. Eric smiled at the prospect of another day learning about faggorty and Linux. "It is time for breakfast," Eric squealed, as he put his pants on. He put his modified 'Tickle-Me Elmo' plushie under his bed and shuffled out the door. Some of his hall mates were on their way to the mess hall.

"Hey guys. I'll follow you down," Eric beamed at the group of guys.

"Fuck off, freak," One of the guys yelled back as the rest of the group busted out laughing.

Eric choked back tears that were welling up. "I am not a freak. Being a plushie-lover is normal! My mom told me so," Eric yelled.

He spun around and stormed back into his room. "I know where I can be appreciated," Eric muttered to himself as he started up his 386 running Linux. The box, which he got from some stinky Linux hippie in exchange for tossing his salad, started up with a high pitched whine.

After five minutes, he was on Slashdot, a well known web-log for all kinds of sexual fetishes. Eric gasped at what he saw. The Turd Report had made another post about his daily turd. Eric turned red with anger. "I'll show you," Eric said to himself as he hit the 'reply' button. His fingers quivered as he typed his response: 'You are lame.' Eric grinned and hit 'submit'. He waited tem minutes then checked for a reply. There was none. "I shut him up but good," Eric proclaimed.

Thoughts of greatness started running thru Eric's mind. The Slashbots would cheer him for standing up to the Turd Report. Taco might even email him a congratulation. It might even be front page news on Slashdot! People would link to it in their sig files and it would certainly be the talk of everyone's journals. Everyone would love him despite his plushie fetish. Oh, his wonderful plushie. Elmo should share this moment. The thought of Elmo made Eric a bit frisky. Eric was hung like a doorbell and it was rock hard. He fumbled under the bed for Elmo and pulled him out. The sounds of Elmo proclaiming, "That tickles!" was hear thru-out the dorm for hours.

I am still on my salad binge. My turd this morning was another long one. It was about 18 inches and as big around as a golfball. It was a light green-brown color and looked 'fluffy', for lack of a better term. It had the same dirt smell with a hint of sulphur. Clean up wasn't too bad with the wipes I use. It did make streaks on the bowl when I flushed it. I rate this turd as a 7.

My Doc has told me to get more iron in my system to better my chance at having successful surgery. I have been eating alot of spinach, mostly in salads. My turd this morning has reflected that. It was very long, at least a good 18 inches. It came out easily and with little pushing. It had a brown-green color and a dirt smell. The turd cleaned up very nicely. It flushed but left big streaks where it circled the drain. I rate this turd as a 8.

I had a cheese steak and a couple of beers from Dominion Brew Pub yesterday. Today for lunch, I had pork and mushrooms. The pork caused explosive diareah. It was pretty rank. I felt the rumblings at my desk. I made my way to the bathroom as quickly as I could. I could not take full strides, cause I was afraid I would shit myself right there. I get to the bathroom and the cleaning lady is in there! Fuck! I waddle down to the next bathroom and barely make it. I sit down and liquid shoots from my butt. It made a gnarly splashing sound as it impacted the back of the toilet. It felt good. I had a lot of gas and it was very rank, it smelled like sulfur. Someone walked in the the bathroom adn walked right back out. The turd soup was yellow-ish in color and naturally had no form. Clean up was kind of a mess but not as bad as you would think. I rate this as a 5. (It gets points subtracted for lack of form, but gains some back due to overall experience and smell)

I will not be posting tommorrow. I am undergoing surgery for my kidney disorder. If I go to 'The Big Toilet in the Sky' as it were, I have left instructions to leave my username and password for this account somewhere on the net to be found. Take care and if I bite it, good luck with the Turd Report account! --

A friends site. Just him and some others ranting about people/things they hate. Fuck that guy!

I had shrimp and pasta for lunch yesterday. It was so-so. It made an interesting turd. It was very long and slender. It came out with very little pushing. It was green with little black chunks. It had a very sharp smell to it and cleaned up nicely. I rate this turd as a 7.

I did not feel like going out to eat yesterday, so I ordered a PapaJohn's Pizza. I got a small mushroom and cheese pizza and some Sprite. It was very good. This morning I had a very loose turd. It was hard to push out and I thought it was going to be like a rock. But it came out after some hard pushing. It smelled pretty bad, I think this is due to my fish oil tablets I take everyday. The turd was a generic brown in color. It had no form. It was just a pile. A pyramid of poo. It stuck to the bowl when flushed. I rate this turd a 5.

Wheeeeeee!!!1!

I had two Whoppers w/Cheese and no lettuce last night. It is the first fast food I have had for several months. My body reacted by turning it into a turd with brick-like hardness. It was a big turd, about 5cm across and 30cm long. It was a generic brown. It took a solid minute of pushing to get it out. It stunk like cod fish oil; which, due to my medications, is not shocking. The turd was so hard, it would not flush. It just sat there. A janitor had to come and extract it from the bowl. It was carried out in a little baggie. People retched. I laughed. i rate this turd as an 9, due to trouble it caused others and making people want to barf.

Trollaxor: satan is residing in my anus.
ME: Odd, have you been using Linux. That might explain your anal satan infection.
Trollaxor: :-)
Trollaxor: not a bit!
Trollaxor: i think it may be residue from hanging around slashdot too much though.
ME: Could be. Have you touched any Linux trade mags or come in contact with any Linux zealots?
Trollaxor: hmm.
Trollaxor: no, and no...
ME: Is there an OSS conferance in your area?
Trollaxor: no i checked that out... none.
ME: Or is the wind blowing from the Holland, Michigan area?
Trollaxor: from the north it is!
Trollaxor: that's it...
Trollaxor: Rob Malda's stinky shit breath is being carried down here.
ME: That explains it.
ME: My other thought was that a Linux Ninja might have shot you with a linux tipped ass-dart.
Trollaxor: soon i will have to expel a foul, vile piece of feces.
ME: Another Linux Zealot will have been born.
Trollaxor: LOL
ME: Show it the EULA from a MS disk and it will be killed.
Trollaxor: i think i'll try to flush him first
ME: Or shine the glow of a monitor hooked to any non-linux machine and it wil wither and die.
ME: Sweet Christ no!
ME: Linux Zealots just grow stronger in the sewer.
ME: You must kill it first.
ME: Once it gets in the sewer it starts it's migration to Holland, Michigan.
Trollaxor: i thin this is another convo that should be posted to your journal
ME: Once it makes it to the Slashdot Compound the life cycle is complete and it get a slashdot account and start posting.
ME: ok.
ME: After 2 weeks it will have mod points and a +1 bonus.