Oh, and you could also opt for a higher-capacity aftermarket battery and back.
You can do that with pretty much every modern phone as well if you're happy with the extra bulk. It's called trade-offs. They haven't changed in last 20 years.
Yes, they have changed. You're just not paying attention. My S3 had a removable back, and buying an aftermarket extra-capacity battery for it was exactly as difficult as visiting Amazon for five minutes. My S7 does not have a removable back, and I can't get at the battery. Many other brands also now sport non-removable backs and non-replacable batteries. This is the trend. Why are you unaware of the trend?
There's more than one phone on the market. I certainly still have a 3.5mm audio jack.
Yes, so do I - I have an S7. However, the new phones from Google and Apple do not. Again, this is a significant change in strategy. Why are you unaware of this?
best of all, thanks to the wonders of modern battery life, you don't actually need it.
I assume you were at least trying to make a point, but I'm not seeing it. Long battery life doesn't make the requirement for a dongle go away to restore the missing functionality. What does battery life have to do with not needing a 3.5mm phone jack?
At least that way we wouldn't have to put up with your undiagnosed clinical depression, dismissing the wonders of the modern world and not appreciating anything you have.