Thank you. We have tracked your ip over freenet and updated your buddy list. Keyloggers and screenshot security features have been installed for your protection. All of your files have been moved to the cloud so you can share them more enthusiastically.
We have also cleaned your system of any viruses and trojans.

You do not need to be concerned about viruses any more. You are in our protective embrace.
Warmly,
Your Government

Incorrect assumption. Although there is a passive, appreciate communiy behind such an effort, you will see a joint effort by Italian, European and American authorities to eliminate this violation. Start with international wire fraud, malicious intent to harm, and move down the list to sopa-like attrocities such as violating terms of a website and you've got life in prison. Give them 5 more years of legislation and we'll have Texas-style hangings for these incredibly threatening comical hackers.

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says,"Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says,"But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

In Russia, Zoidberg votes Putin 140%

Not all cores are coreated equal.
I have a single socket, single upper layer core, which combines the power of 128 microprocs in an 8 core assembly for a whopping 1024 hidden 1mhz cores - almost 1 Ghz of raw power!
# of cores ftw!