It won't take long for kids to find a safe spot at the public library to hide their phone for a few hours after school.

My suggestion: Stash it behind "Selections from the Speeches and Writings of Edmund Burke" (Dewey Decimal number: 920)

". . .to install a power plant fueled entirely by whiskey by-products."

How cool. . . a power plan fueled by vomit!

. . .Which in turn means that those indexes would be excellent candidates for use by the optimizer when the query only references columns that are part of the index keys.

In other words, the index "covers" the query and allows us to efficiently extract the needed values from those densely packed index pages with few I/Os.

The "smartass pun" part of my brain operates quite independantly from the "relational database knowledge" part.

Minor correction to your post: It actually refers to parsing the leaf level (the lower ridge) of a B (binary) tree.

Or (to put it more concisely):

A parse-ridge in a pair tree.