Use long looong looooooooong stored procedures (20,000+ lines long) with lots of spaghetti SQL code and very little documentation. And never use identities and primary keys; instead just get the max ID number on the fly and use source code to get the next integer-up for the next record insertion to a given table. Make sure the table and field names have almost no relevance to the data they hold. use views liberally, and query one view on top of another view on top of another view on top of another view. If possible try and work something out to where there simply isn't any relational design to the database at all, and instead just use redundancy everywhere. Or, if you really want to be nasty, you could go the opposite route and figure out some kind of a mindbending rubix-cube-like puzzle where there is only one table with only 3 fields in the entire database, and nearly all table data of any sort is stored in one field in that table, and just rely on a myriad of SQL joins to emulate the behavior of relational database design.