Have you ever connected to a network that wasn't yours?
Yes and whenever I do connect (to an untrusted network that isn't mine) from my laptop or from my Android-based Samsung Galaxy S5, I use the latest stable OpenVPN client to connect to a VPN server on my Rasberry Pi at home.
Is...is this real? Not some wayward story from The Onion?
If you are old enough, perhaps you will remember Nancy Reagan...
This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists, and not enough hunchbacks.