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Things the Warning Label said Not to Do 34

PhillC wrote in to send us an entertaining little site where you can read a list of things Warning Labels Say not to do. Proof positive that stupid people are everywhere.
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Things the Warning Label said Not to Do

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  • Alright.

    What I really want to know is this: Who the hell
    is disposing of all their stuff in an open flame?
    By this, I mean people who aren't high school age
    boys who look at the warning labels, smile, and
    yell "Chemical fire time, guys!" -- I assume they
    don't heed the warnings anyhow.

    You know there has to be some dumbass who dumps
    all the cans of Glade that they used in their
    double-wide into a big 'ol fire in back and then
    tries to make s'mores. We gotta find 'em and pour
    some chlorine in that gene pool....


  • If your friends see you running down the street, do they immediately drop everything and start running the same direction, FAST?

    Guilty as charged---hey, do you have a match?


  • Posted by tdibble:

    Umm, people who live in rural areas quite often burn their trash. There is no trash collection, and haling every dirty kleenex off to the dump is expensive and time-consuming. Thus, that which can be burned is burned. One needs to know that which can not be burned for that to work, of course.
  • You forgot "Enlarged to show detail".
  • Check out http://www.darwinawards.com for info about some people who would be dumb enough to need these labels...
  • I've seen on packets of balloons something along the lines of "Do not inflate balloons by mouth" which, when I pointed it out and asked about it, slightly baffled the store staff (it was in a party supply store). The only reasonable explanation we could come up with is that that brand is American and it was a disclaimer put on by the legal department. FWIW, packets of Asian balloons don't have that line on them... Says something about American society, doesn't it? :-)

  • by alany ( 1398 )
    That is cool.

    Pity it's slashdoted, I can't grab the videos.

    Guess I'll have to stick to the quarter launcher rail gun. Its much faster.


  • It's the smart people they write the labels for. It isn't to warn dumb people about potential dangers, it is to warn smart (and greedy) people that they will not be liable in court. So don't even try to sue them, no matter how you use their product.

    Get it?
  • It's refusing connections... anyone have the mellon videos?
  • "Someone is trying to kill me - he keeps sending me plastic bags, but with the warning about not putting them over my head CROSSED OUT!"

    (Alexei Sayle, 1991)
  • When I was growing up we burned our trash in a major way. We took a Caterpiller (the big one) and created a garbage pit on the farm. It was at Least 15-20 feet deep at the deep end. We put old appliances, furniture, and all of our garbage in there and once every couple of months or so, we'd torch the whole works. That would condense what was in there and we could add to it again.

    We also burned huge piles of brush and added tires and used oil to it to burn faster.

    This kind of stuff is common among farmers, who are pretty much on their own for disposal of this stuff. In the city you just have to get rid of a couple of bags of garbage a week, but when a farm generates 4 or 5 dumpsters full of brush or other burnable garbage, and it costs a fortune to haul it away, they just torch it.
  • Recently, a large manufacturer of cashew-based products had to issue a recall of a lot of cashew butter. The reason?

    They forgot to put on a warning label stating that it was made using cashews and may cause an allergic reaction to those allergic to cashews.
  • This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purley coincidental. No animals were hurt during the making of these pages. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substaintial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. This supersedes all previous notices. No Microsoft products were used during the creation of these pages.
  • I see it's been slashdoted, I think it was on BluesNews before. I've had it in my bookmarks ever since, I bring it up for friends once in a while. I did like the the equation for calculating the speed, verry well done. The only thing that I wish they had put in is how they put together the release for the compressed air, and just a little more detail about the actual making of it. Looked golden though when I saw it.

    Net. Admin.
  • Yeah, it's really a page about the spud gun. But spud guns are for wimps. Check out the Punkin' Chunkin' contest [punkinchunkin.com] for the ultimate in vegetable projectiles.

  • Seen the potato gun on that site? Woah.
    I heard that our bad boy Saddam is working on a giant spud gun to replace his aging scuds.
  • The labels aren't there for regular people. I suppose they put them there for the extra stupid people who happen to be able to read. Maybe it helps protect them from lawsuits from stupid people. Maybe their lawyers have a sense of humor or are bored so they demand that the labels be placed on the products.
  • I swear that these were real; I saw them personally when I worked in a discount department store. The first was on a Batman play set, around of the time of the Keaton/Nicholson movie. The set included a mask and cape, a wrist dart-launcher, and a couple of other goodies. It was labeled, "Cape does not enable user to fly."

    The other was on a kids' magic set, the box of which pictured a child playing with the various pieces. In order to ensure that no one would think they were getting too much of a bargain, the box stated (I swear I am not making this up), "Little boy not included."

  • Along the fireworks theme -

    I help some friends put on a couple of fireworks shows each year. This is a small, but professionally produced show. Several of the folks who work there are California licenced pyrotechnicians. The fireworks come from a variety of sources, mostly China. One year, the Canadian-made shells had a warning label which read:

    "Danger. Explosive. Do not light."
  • I was driving and saw this 18 wheeled flatbed truck carrying an HUGE(larger than the truck) storage tank of some sort, and printed in large letters -- "Read Instructions Before Installing"

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.