United Makes Plans to Drop 'Baggage Neutrality'

theodp writes "If you need a clue as to how creative ISP execs might get in the absence of network neutrality, look no further than United Airlines CEO Glenn Tilton, who is wowing Wall Street with his willingness to examine new ways to wring money out of the carrier, including making economy passengers pay a fee unless they want their luggage to come last off the plane." Now I think when i was like gold ultimate handjob elite years ago my bags had tags that usually made them come out first, but this seems just kinda crappy. I mean, remember when you got a meal on airplanes? No wonder people hate to fly.

Not a dump truck

[langelgjm]

The baggage claim is not a dump truck! You can't just keep dumping stuff on it...

No problem

[LordSnooty]

making economy passengers pay a fee unless they want their luggage to come last off the plane.

If no-one pays the fee, all our luggage will come off at the same time. Problem solved.

I mean, remember when you got a meal on airplanes?

[Jack Malmostoso]

I do. And I'd rather forget, believe me.

Re:Not a dump truck

[Waffle Iron]

The baggage claim is not a dump truck!

Of course not. It's a series of belts.

Ah, but you see..

[The Creator]

If noone pays, the luggage will come out at the same time - but last. If everyone pays, it will come out at the same time - but first!

Remember when,

[KyleTheDarkOne]

the meals on the plane used to be good?... Neither do I.

gold ultimate handjob elite

[blantonl]

gold ultimate handjob elite

I haven't had one of those in years.

Re:gold ultimate handjob elite

[winkydink]

try using your other hand

Baggage Protection Service

[Anonymous Coward]

Airline Employee:

Nice piece of luggage you got there. You probably have some real nice stuff in there.
It would be a shame if anything happened to it. For a reasonable fee, I can make sure
nothing happens to it.

Re:gold ultimate handjob elite

[c]

> > gold ultimate handjob elite

> I haven't had one of those in years.

Of course not. After 9/11, they replaced with with the terrorist super anal probe extra.

Re:TANSTAAFL

[ColdWetDog]

It doesn't make any difference to me. My baggage always comes out last.

Re:TANSTAAFL

[Hognoxious]

Nope. How it works is this. The baggage handlers can see all the people waiting at the carousel. Not only that, but they know everybody's face and name. Then they search through all the bags, and find the ones belonging to the people who are closest to the belt. They unload those first.

If it isn't so, why does everyone press right up to the belt, even if their bag isn't there, completely getting in the way of anyone whose bag is on on the belt?

Re:TANSTAAFL

[MightyYar]

If you think THAT is weird airport behavior, travel through Asia sometime and watch as everyone jostles for position to get on the stupid plane as soon as possible, as if it will leave without them.

Maybe their trying to get dibs on overhead compartment space?

Re:Not a dump truck

[frank_adrian314159]

You know, last Friday, my staff sent me a baggage claim and it took until Monday to get to me!

Re:gold ultimate handjob elite

[Anonymous Coward]

Isn't that the name of the new xbox?

Re:Less is more

[funkyloki]

1. Overbook flights. 2. Charge fees to actually get the luggage you checked back after the flight. 3. Take away all amenities. 4. ? 5. PROFIT

Re:Not a dump truck

[symbolic]

I was reading "The Joy of C"

A work of fiction, I presume?

Re:EasyJet/RyanAir

[91degrees]

This is something I wrote a while ago after buying Ryanair tickets. It seems appropriate to repost here.

If airlines ran Burger King

"I'd like a cheese burger please"
"That will be £1.20".
"But it was only 99p yesterday!"
"That was the weekend special price."
"Okay. Here you go"
"Oh, there's also 21p VAT"
"Riiight... any other hidden charges?"
"no. By the way, please pay the £2.15 purchase fee"
"I see. So that's not a hidden charge?"
"No. It's simply an extra surcharge that you are obliged to pay for the burger."
"Okay. What else will I have to pay?"
"Nothing at all. So, what would you prefer - Beef burger or vegetarian?"
"beef please"
"Okay, That will cost 45p on top"
"Oh. I'll go for the vegetarian option"
"Good choice. Certainly. That's only 60p"
"Right. Do I get my burger now?"
"No. You'll only be able to eat it between 20:00 and 21:00 though. Please check in at least half an hour early or you may forfeit your burger"

Re:Not a dump truck

[Gazzonyx]

I was reading "The Joy of C"

A work of fiction, I presume?

I don't know. I never found out how it ends; I kept having to reread the chapter on recursion.

Re:TANSTAAFL

[swampa]

"no mans land"

I think they tried to set up these at the airport in Melbourne, it doesn't seemed to have stopped anyone.

"Oh look, pretty tape patterns on the ground. Now to camp in front of that moving thing!"

Skip that bit

[Hognoxious]

I never found out how it ends; I kept having to reread the chapter on recursion.

I skipped that section. And sorry, I did use a goto.

(Flamewar about how goto is sometimes cleaner in 5...4...3)