New Disclaimer for the Internet 113
Techdirt has an amusing new disclaimer for the internet penned by lawyer David Canton is response to Rob Hyndman's recent discovery of an impressive disclaimer for a rock preserve. From the disclaimer: "Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs. The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP's or other features, natural or otherwise."
How about (Score:1, Funny)
Like most things in life.
Re:How about (Score:1)
Re:How about (Score:2, Funny)
Re:How about (Score:5, Funny)
That I can understand, I'm not stupid, but on the box, they said I could surf with it but it doesn't even float !
Re:How about (Score:2)
Re:How about (Score:1)
Re:How about (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:How about (Score:2)
Cars are dangerous you can crash, planes are for the same reason.
Water is dangerous you can drown. Peanuts are dangerous you can choak.
The only way the internet can kill you is if you stay on-line so long, you
forget to eat (sadly i do that sometimes).
Re:Speling (Score:1)
Re:yes, but... (Score:1)
And surely, goatse ought to be mentioned when speaking of internet dangers. I never had ni
tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (Score:2, Insightful)
What has been submitted as a pithy wry parody of a real life warning may in fact be dead on in its message. In fact, it may not be such a bad idea to make such a warning more de rigeur. Perhaps we put a sticker on any computer (especially XP) for general use, much like the cancer warning on a pack of cigarettes.
It won't stop people from being careless, naive, or wild with their computers attached to the ether, but even if only a few poor souls escape the hell that is IE pop-up oblivion it would be worth i
Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (Score:3, Insightful)
Isn't that the point of such pithy wry parody?
KFG
Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (Score:2)
"You won't be able to surf to disney.com without the NSA knowing about it and adding a little Freudian note in your dossier that you clicking on Donald's nuts"
OMG! How did you find out about that?!.... Or are you like that too?
Re:tongue in cheek, but maybe not. (Score:2)
your right that its honestly a solid disclaimer for the madness that is the internet.
Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:1)
It's hard to read the article... (Score:5, Informative)
HTH.
^BumP^ (Score:2, Interesting)
That's what happens when I don't RTFA.
Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:2)
Its horrible out there.
Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:1)
Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:2)
True enough, however, it is impossible to guage the level of risk anymore. These "it's not our fault" labels are on everything and it's impossible to know if it's a bona fide warning or just an overactive legal department. If I do something dumb, I have no problem taking responsibility for it. I'd like to be able to know what my actual risks are before I do something dumb, though.
Re:Should post that at the entrance to State Parks (Score:2)
Yeah, I only smoke cigarettes that "harm others", before I light up I just warn others to stand back.
I'm going to assume you did not read the original? (Score:3)
Too funny.. (Score:5, Funny)
Life should have a disclaimer, too. Before you leave the womb:
End-User Life(tm) Agreement (EULA)
This will probably suck. You agree not to sue God(tm) or any of His subsidiaries for any negative events that can and will happen.
No guarantees against anything, including loss of life, limb, or property. Live at your own risk.
This transaction is not reversible. You may not re-enter the Womb(tm) once you are born. Check one: [ ] Agree
Re:Too funny.. (Score:2, Funny)
This is
It does exist!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Hmmph, I didn't know we had End User License Agreement (EULA) to live! Tempnexus's Broadband Reports Security forum thread [broadbandreports.com] mentioned a funny spoof for every human who was born. According to this EULA, we seems to come with spywares (God spies on us), and can be infected with bad stuff like virus and trojans. Ending EULA means terminating life. Here's a copy of the EULA:
PLEASE READ this end-user license agreement ("EULA") carefully. By being born, you agree to be bound by the terms of this EULA. If you do not agree, do not exit womb and, if applicable, return to the place of conception for a full refund.
1. GENERAL. This EULA is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or an entity) and the scientific or religious establishment of your choice ("God"). This EULA governs your Life, which includes all seconds from the time you are born until you are legally pronounced dead (. This EULA also governs the container supplied with your Life ("Body") and any support services ("miracles") relating to Life except as may be included in another agreement between you and God. An amendment or addendum to this EULA may be presented to you by your retail suppliers ("Parents").
2. THE PARENT PROGRAM. All complaints and technical support requests should be addressed to your Parents, who may or may not, depending on the subscription level you have elected, offer you additional warranties. Parents are third-party components, and not subject to warranties under this EULA. God is not liable for the quality, competence, character, number, gender, species, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or presence/absence of your Parents, or for the quality of the relationship between them, if any, and does not supply technical support for Parental units. Any Parent may be terminated or exchanged at any time without notice and without recourse.
3 CONSCIOUSNESS. To reduce piracy, God requires certain components to be activated. The license rights granted under this EULA are limited to the first five times you gain Consciousness ("Wake up") after you are Born unless you supply the information necessary to activate your Life. You may also need to reactivate your Life if you modify your Body or alter your Consciousness. God will not collect any personally identifiable information from your DNA during the activation process without your consent.
4. DIGITAL RIGHTS MANAGEMENT. Content providers are using digital rights management technology to protect the integrity of their content so that their intellectual property, including copyright, in such content is not misappropriated. If your Brain's security has been compromised, content providers may request that God revoke your right to copy, display, and/or play protected content. Revocation does not alter your Brain's ability to access unprotected content, if any exists.
5. OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCES. Your Life may not be shared or used concurrently among different Bodies.
6. YOU ALSO AGREE:
a. Not to remove or obscure any copyright, trademark or patent notices ("Birthmarks") that appear on the Body as delivered to you;
b. To indemnify, hold harmless, and defend God from and against any claims or lawsuits, including attorneys' fees, that arise or result from the use or distribution of the Life;
c. That God reserves all rights not expressly granted.
3. RESERVATION OF RIGHTS AND OWNERSHIP. God reserves all rights not expressly granted to you in this EULA. The Life is protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws and treaties. God or Its suppliers own the title, copyright, and other intellectual property rights in the Life and in any derivative works produced by you during the course of your Life. The Life is licensed, not sold.
4. MEMORIES. You may make a single back-up copy of the Life. You may use one (1) back-up copy solely
Re:Too funny.. (Score:1)
Lucky you. Mine was already checked by the time I read it.
Re:Too funny.. (Score:2)
But this however, brings up all sorts of issues.. Such as what language to write it in. We are not born speaking any single language... Okay, I am overthinging things..
My bad.
Re:Too funny.. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Too funny.. (Score:2)
Re:Too funny.. (Score:2)
No guarantees against anything, including loss of life, limb, or property. Live at your own risk.
You are obviously not aware of the role of Government(tm) in Life(tm)
With Government(tm), Life(tm) is guaranteed to be painless, easy, and rewarding for all involved.
Re:Too funny.. (Score:1)
Sounds like an AOL for Broadband commercial (Score:4, Funny)
A broadband connection is more dangerous than narrowband because of the huge amount of information that is flowing into and out of your home through a high-speed conduit. In addition, most broadband connections are "always on," meaning there are more opportunities for dangerous elements to enter through your connection. Broadband users have to be more careful and aware than ever. ...
Many people think that file-swapping services are an easy way to get free stuff like music, images, games and more. What you may not recognize is the very real threat that these services pose to you and your family. There are no quality controls in place on these unregulated services to ensure that you are getting only what you wanted. And worse, you might get a lot more than you bargained for, like spyware that secretly monitors your computer for third parties who may use the information for sales or even malicious purposes. ...
Hackers and Identity Thieves are criminals that attempt to infiltrate your computer and steal vital and valuable personal information, such as credit card numbers. With an unprotected broadband connection, hackers can walk right into your home and snoop around your personal information. The results can be disastrous - and extremely expensive."
- AOL "Unprotected broadband" [aolepk.com] promotion.
FUCKING BLOGSPAM (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:FUCKING BLOGSPAM (Score:1)
Full original version for the net (Score:3, Informative)
http://www.canton.elegal.ca/archives/2006/05/new_d isclaimer.html [elegal.ca]
WARNING
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs.
The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogsphere, ISP's or other features, natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on the Web. E-commerce is not the mall. It can be, and is, steep, slippery and dangerous. Web features made or enhanced by humans, such as firewalls and spam filters (if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. We don't promise to inspect, supervise or maintain them in any way. They may be negligently constructed or repaired. The web is unsafe, period. Live with it or stay away.
Stay on trusted sites whenever possible. The terrain, in addition to being dangerous, is surprisingly complex. You may get lost. Carry food, water and an APU at all times.
Ads for things you don't want and other objectionable content can arrive from nowhere. This can happen naturally, or be caused by people around you that are being used as bots. Spam and disgusting images of all sizes, including huge images, can arrive, or pop-up with no warning. Use of spam filters is advised for anyone approaching the Internet. They can be purchased or rented from us. They won't save you if you get hit by something big or on a port you left open. A whole DOS attack might collapse on you and squash you like a bug. Don't think it can't happen.
Public opinion can be dangerous, regardless of the forecast. Be prepared with extra damage control, including press releases. Ticking off the blogsphere can kill you. The Streisand effect can turn a simple nastygram into a deathtrap.
If you make hasty comments about those in high places (making unsupported comments that reduce the image of a person, often posted quickly and without thinking) without proper thought and, or allow your employees to do so, you are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know what you're doing, lots of things can go wrong and you may be sued for libel. It happens all the time.
We do not provide rangers or security personnel. The other people on the web, including other visitors, our employees, agents, and guests, and anyone else who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, or otherwise dangerous. They may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly malware and ready to use them. We aren't necessarily going to do anything about it. We refuse to take responsibility.
If you surf at work, you may become pre-occupied with it. This is true whether you are experienced or not, trained or not, equipped or not, though training and equipment may help. It's a fact, surfing at work is extremely dangerous. If you don't like it, surf at home. You really shouldn't be doing it anyway. We do not provide supervision or instruction. We are not responsible for, and do not track how much time you surf at work (although we could if we wanted to.) As far as we know, your employer may find out and send you plunging to unemployment. There are countless tons of loose management staff ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone else. There are any number of extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing on and around the Web, and elsewhere on the Internet. We may or may not know about any specific haza
Original article (Score:2, Informative)
Personally, I thought the original disclaimer was more funny, but whatever.
the disclaimer:
http://www.canton.elegal.ca/archives/2006/05/new_d isclaimer.html [elegal.ca]
The original disclaimer:
http://www.nelsonrocks.org/disclaimer.html [nelsonrocks.org]
Re:Original article (Score:1)
Slashdot Disclaimer (Score:5, Funny)
Slashdot has dupes.
Slashdot has trolls and flamers.
Non-subscribers entitled to a full refund if they aren't satisfied.
What about Dupes? (Score:3, Funny)
Hay, and don't forget, Slashdot has dupes!
Re:What about Dupes? (Score:2)
>Hay, and don't forget, Slashdot has dupes!
And sometimes they post a second article about the same subject.
Re:What about Dupes? (Score:2)
Re:What about Dupes? (Score:2)
Then, at the end of the day, have a slashback covering the dupes.
Re:What about Dupes? (Score:1)
Re:Slashdot Disclaimer (Score:2)
Awesome! I've probably viewed hundred of dollars of ads. Can't wait for that big fat check!
paranoia ride (Score:1)
"We may give you bad advice. Don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE THE PRESERVE AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!"
this is the disclaimer's disclaim?
EULA for the American part of the net (Score:1, Funny)
the rest of the Internet will carry on regardless
...and wear your sunscreen (Score:3, Funny)
But trust me on the sunscreen. [wikipedia.org]
Is explicitly mentioning the RIAA a good idea? (Score:1, Flamebait)
Sure, it may be current now, but what about in 20 years?
disclaimer: life sucks sometimes (Score:2)
Read this post at your own risk... (Score:3, Insightful)
"By entering the Preserve, you are agreeing that we owe you no duty of care or any other duty...We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. The premises are not safe for any purpose. This is no joke."
I am no expert in West Virginia law, but if you invite a member of the general public onto your land, charge them a $40 fee, and know that the premises are not safe for any purpose, and then they die, your gonna get hit with a HUGE lawsuit. This disclaimer means next to nothing since land owners owe duties of care to people they invite onto their land. At the very least, they owe a duty to warn of extremely dangerous conditions - which they do, in a general sort of way.
For example, on the main page, there is a very pretty picture of a bridge spanning a valley. As a user of the land, I have a reasonable expectation that the landowner has maintained the bridge, has checked it periodically, and would close off the bridge if it was too dangerous to use. Failure to do that is so negligent, that the disclaimer would be completely ineffective.
Not to miss the forest from the trees, the original blog adapting this to the internet is cute. And I agree with the basic principle that you surf the net at your own risk. But I think that ISPs owe a duty of care to their customers to protect them from websites that distribute viruses, trojans, etc, perhaps with a pop-up or system announce, if they know the website or software is an issue. Hard to do, but they could make more of an effort to protect the less savvy amoung us.
Re:Read this post at your own risk... (Score:2)
Go to Nelson Rocks and observe the variable quality of t
Re:Read this post at your own risk... (Score:2)
Of course you can. A good lawyer understands the extent of the law, and how far it can bend. You can disclaim TONS of stuff under the law. There are also many things which you can't disclaim. This contract goes WAY beyond what any reasonable person can agree to. It is so overbroad as to swallow every single cause of action that can be brought against it. If I was the Judge, I'd toss the whole thing out, it is
Re:Read this post at your own risk... (Score:2)
An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so... (Score:4, Funny)
This modified disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.
Re:An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so (Score:2)
Re:An old funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so (Score:1)
Reads like a SarbOx warning (Score:2)
The original... (Score:1, Redundant)
I got a few laughs out of it
WARNING
Nature is unpredictable and unsafe. Mountains are dangerous. Many books have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the books.
Nelson Rocks Preserve is covered in steep terrain with loose, slippery and unstable footing. The weather can make matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere. You may fall, be injured or die. There are hidden holes. You could break your leg. There are wild
Disclaimer for Linux (Score:5, Funny)
The install process is covered in steep learning curves, slippery catches and unstable automated functions. Having a non-standard set of hardware will make matters worse. Mindbogling jargon is everywhere. You may fail, crash or otherwise fail catastrophically at any time. You could break your multi-boot partitions. There are hidden rules and things to know. Carry install disks, backups and a spare windows machine at all times.
Asking for help won't work. The wild linux-know-it-all snobs are ready to bounce at your pitiful requests for explanations, with vicious, poisonous comments about newbies and reading the man pages. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. By using a free open source operating system, you are agreeing that we owe you no hint of advice or any other care. We promise you nothing. We do not and will not even try to keep the premises safe for any purpose. This is no joke.
We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, specially if we know about it. We may or may not make an effort to fix an unsafe condition, and we may make matters worse! Sorry, we're not responsible. We may give you bad advice just for fun. So don't listen to us. In short, ENTER AND USE LINUX AT YOUR OWN RISK. And have fun!
PS: Here is the original disclaimer [nelsonrocks.org] which is way more funnier and actually quite true considering the dangers at that Preserve. --- www.tribalnetworks.org
Disclaimer for Windows XP (Score:1)
Microsoft Windows XP is covered in a graphical user interface with loose, slippery and unstable commands. The weather can make matters worse. You may loose data, applications or your job. There are hidden DRM holes. You could be sued...
Re:Disclaimer refinement for Linux (Score:1)
Re:Disclaimer for Linux (Score:2)
Many distros are halfbaked and unpredictable, but there are a few good ones out there.
Asking for help won't work. The faceless people on the internet aren't there to be your servants, just because you don't feel like reading through the docs. This can get very ugly, because of the inability to punch someone in the face over the internet.
Beware of Leopard.
Uncyclopedia (Score:1)
Re:Uncyclopedia (Score:2)
Parachutes are better... (Score:1)
"This product made for no purpose whatsoever."
Kinda describes the internet these days, don't you think?
How about? (Score:4, Funny)
How about a classic one:
Re:How about? (Score:2)
We shall call it (Score:2)
New disclaimer? (Score:3, Funny)
Life's gonna suck when you grow up (Score:3, Funny)
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
Hey, if you know the words, sing along
You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen
It's gonna seem about three times as long as that
You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun
You might have to go to war when you get out of school
Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse
You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war
Santa Claus does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now
You're gonna end up smoking crack, on you're back, face the fact
You're gonna end up hooked on smack and then you're gonna die
And then you're gonna die
Dennis Leary
http://lyrics.rare-lyrics.com/D/Denis-Leary/Life'
Error (Score:1)
Disclaimer schmislcaimer (Score:2)
Conversely, the same people who are easily conned offline are keeping spammers in business.
Generally speaking, some people are out to get you, and some people will get taken. The medium is irrelevant.
Mount Washington (Score:2)
STOP
The area ahead has the worst weather in America. Many have died there from exposure, even in the summer. Turn back NOW if the weather is bad.
WHITE MOUNTAIN NATIONAL FOREST
Bible Disclaimer (Score:1)
Doesn't GTA give us a better warning? (Score:2, Insightful)
Their site can be found at http://www.citizensunitednegatingtechnology.org/ [citizensun...nology.org]
minor additions (Score:1)
Related to the article, but not the content.... (Score:2)
Funny vs. Not That Funny (Score:2)
AV Disclaimer (Score:1)
Too long (Score:2)
I'd prefer:
And keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets (Score:2)
New disclaimer for my website as well. (Score:1)
Part of it is a disclaimer, the other part is a reminder to those businessmen that they only got involved with the Internet when they found out how much money could be made from it.
Imagine all the science that man could benefit from but does not make a profit.
Re:Captain of the obvious called (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Captain of the obvious called (Score:1)