Married In Oblivion

An anonymous reader writes "Thanks to an odd glitch in the game that prevents him from completing the Knights of the White Stallion quest, Shawn has figured out how to keep himself a mighty fine Orc wife, Mazoga. Once she went on adventures with him. Now she lives in his house in Tamriel, and he can't get her to leave. He visits her when he's in the city, tired after his days of adventuring. He's thinking about buying her a kitchen set. Maybe a living room. Hands down, it's the best Oblivion glitch to date."

Re:Red tab?

[Anonymous Coward]

It's a bug in slashcode. Stories that are only section stories (the ones that only appear as one line in a grey box) appear on the front page before they're actually released from "the mysterious future". Non-subscribers (like me) see a link on the front page that gives them a friendly error 404 for a short time after they appear.

Re:Red tab?

[MobileTatsu-NJG]

"Did anyone else notice that the background color of the "tab" for the story on the front page was red? Next refresh it was back to normal gray again."

What, you've never seen Slashdot go to Red Alert?

Sex

[Feminist-Mom]

I've always wondered what it would be like to sleep with an orc.

Re:Sex

[Locke2005]

Most of us have personal rules against dating outside our species... on the other hand, I hear they do taste just like chicken!

Re:Sex

[RoadDoggFL]

Any girl that tastes like chicken has to have something wrong with her. Stay the fuck away from that...

Re:Sex

[jb.hl.com]

+1 Uncomfortable truth

Re:Sex

[st1d]

Especially when you're the fish...

Re:Sex

[o'reor]

The whole thread would deserve a lengthy quote on bash.org [bash.org], if only bash.org accepted anything else than chat logs...

Re:Sex

[rehtonAesoohC]

+5 Funny (Because it's true!) -4 Uncomfortable Total Score: +1

Where did this myth start?

[spun]

None of the women I've been with smelled or tasted much like fish. Mostly it smells like BO and pee if they haven't bathed recently, or like not much of anything if they have. (one girl's smelled like flowers, if you can believe that.) If they have a yeast infection it smells like bread or something fermenting.

You can always tell the level of sexual experience in a group of men by how willing they are to believe the "pussy smells like fish" myth. Anyone who's ever spent much time around (or inside) one know

Re:Where did this myth start?

[kaptron]

somewhere there is a moderator pondering a +1 informative, but his pride is holding him back.

Re:Where did this myth start?

[Jah-Wren Ryel]

You can always tell the level of sexual experience in a group of men by how willing they are to believe the "pussy smells like fish" myth. Anyone who's ever spent much time around (or inside) one knows that is simply not true.

You give your own inexperience away. The "fishy" smell occurs in women with a variety of common bacterial infections.

Don't believe me? Maybe the makers of Vagisil know a thing or two about pussy. http://www.vagisil.com/understanding_itch.shtml [vagisil.com]

Or if that's not serious enough for you

Re:Where did this myth start?

[spun]

Eeew. Okay this is slashdot, so no one is going to believe me but I've been with over 20 women (I'm 35, so that's on average about two women a year, nothing to brag about, really), three of those I lived with for over 2 years each and I never smelled anything like fish. Maybe I'm just lucky. Anyways, thanks for the informative (if gross) links.

Re:Sex

[Kjella]

Any girl that tastes like chicken has to have something wrong with her.

If you know she tastes like chicken, I'd say she's not the not with issues...

Re:Sex

[Feminist-Mom]

Oh I'm not interested in dating an orc. Just a fantasy of being kidnapped by a band of them, like Merry and Pippin, and being a sex slave of the all seeing eye...

Re:Sex

[Sj0]

This is the most disturbing thing I've read all week.

Re:Sex

[stanmann]

This must be your first time on slashdot.

Re:Sex

[Anonymous Coward]

I hear Sauron likes to watch

Re:Sex

[drinkypoo]

Mom? Is that you?

Re:Sex

[Clay_Culver]

There is room for all of the Universe's creatures....right beside the mashed potatos.

Re:Sex

[KermodeBear]

No content... Just my sig. (o:

Re:Sex

[HeavensBlade23]

I can't say I've ever had the same thought. Sick bastard.

Re:Sex

[nocomment]

You seen the new trailer for clerks II? Jay says something to the effect of "I wish I had done more with my life other than hanging out in front of places. Maybe I could have been the first to discover a new alien species and have sex with it".

Re:Sex

[Forrest Kyle]

Just ask that guy who married Star Jones.

Mod parent up as insightful

[Gojira Shipi-Taro]

Best explaination of whatever the fuck Star Jones is I've ever heard.

Re:Sex

[ultranova]

I've always wondered what it would be like to sleep with an orc.

Well, according to some modern, non-racist references [lysator.liu.se], they are actually pretty good-looking and prefer to go around in the nude ;). Then again, it might just be propaganda, since the same artist makes a troll look good [lysator.liu.se].

Or you could just consider the birthrate of orcs; any species that breeds that fast can't be bad in bed - too much practice ;).

Re:Sex

[Channard]

There'd probably be a lot of earth-shattering shouting, broken furniture and so forth, but it'd be worth. After all, who'd not want a woman who could bang the living daylights out of you *and* have a roasted horse-meat breakfast waiting for you when you got up.

Re:Sex

[I Like Pudding]

I've always wondered what it would be like to sleep with an orc.

Remember the part in LoTR where the Uruk-Hai gets impaled by that sword?

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Article didn't mention the glitch

[Kjella]

I just waited until midnight and entered the cave/dungeon that he was supposed to be in and there he was.

Ever occur to you that bugs don't happen every time? I haven't run into a single quest bug (I'm sure I just jinxed it though), that doesn't mean I think there aren't any. Would be a lot easier to spot if quests were broken (i.e. failed every time). Btw, just did the last quest for Arch-mage and that guy is a wuzz... I hope the main story has a stronger boss.

Re:Article didn't mention the glitch

[Tasy]

If he doesn't show up outside, just enter the cave. He'll be inside, it's not a bug.

Obligatory Futurama reference...

[TheNoxx]

As soon as virtual sex partners become a reality, civilization will collapse completely.

DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ROBOTS... or... MMORPG wives...! Or else!

Re:Obligatory Futurama reference...

[Loonacy]

But we all know that marriage is defined as being between one man and one woman, and since women never play video games, you can never get married in an MMORPG. Duh.

Re:Obligatory Futurama reference...

[simcop2387]

you should have showed them ElectroGhonnarea the noisy killer instead

Re:Obligatory Futurama reference...

[mwheeler01]

Good thing that Oblivion's not a MMORPG...

Funny you should mention it...

[Balinares]

In Morrowind, you could actually get yourself a girlfriend [uesp.net], and as close to married as you'll get in that game. After meeting and befriending her, then doing a few personal things for her, she ends up giving you the key to her house in Pelagiad, which becomes yours for all intents and purposes. As far as I can remember, there's only one bed in that house, but so long as you don't mind catgirls [tes.ag.ru] that shouldn't be an issue. :)

Re:Funny you should mention it...

[figleaf]

Reminds me of Fable [lionhead.com] where in you can have flirt with and have sex with different wemen.

If you are caught cheating your other 'girlfriends' have throw a fit.

and YOUR comment reminds ME...

[PaulBu]

... of Leasure Suit Larry II -- this is how old I am! ;-) Still have to catch up with all those new MMORGS (BTW, anyone can suggest a client which would work on FC5?)

Paul

Re:and YOUR comment reminds ME...

[figleaf]

Big fan of Larry. Larry 6 was my first -- ended up playing the previous versions.
Tried VMs?

Re:Funny you should mention it...

[FnordX]

It shouldn't be too bad, if you can get past the claws and the biting...

And my dark elf didn't have a barbed, ahem, john thomas.

Nabokovian RPGs? Now I've seen everything.

[jonathantu]

"Ma-zo-ga: Light of my life, fire of my loins."

I'm surprised his character's name wasn't Pendleton Pendleton.

When there are so many to choose from

[NVP_Radical_Dreamer]

Hands down, it's the best Oblivion glitch to date."

Like you could ever know that, especially when there are so many to choose from


Disclaimer: Even with all of the bugs its still a great game :)

Re:When there are so many to choose from

[Sj0]

The fact that they don't actually check for the correct shaders on the video card, opening the door for the oldblivion mod is on my list of favourites.

Sure it's a glitch?

[TheBishop613]

I read and enjoyed the article but was left wondering, is this really a glitch? The author described what he has done to complete the quest that he claims to be glitching. Sadly, he's not actually doing the right thing. Odds are the quest is working just fine, he's just not a very successful knight.

Re:Sure it's a glitch?

[Anonymous Coward]

Shh don't ruin his fun ^_^

Re:Sure it's a glitch?

[mconeone]

Glitch or not, you can have her around for the rest of the game by simply not finishing the quest. So it's a moot point.

Naked Man

[Rowan_u]

This reminds me of a story my good friend told me about Oblivion. During a certain fighter's guild quest, he had a well armored male companion. Due to an accidental pick pocketing during the quest, he was kicked out of the fighter's guild. However, his companion continued to follow him everywhere, helping out with ambushes as needed. Also turned out that his loyal fighter's guild companion was unkillable.

This wouldn't have been that funny itself . . . but, after awhile the Fighter's amour begin to fall into disrepair, eventually leaving him completely naked. So, currently, my friend has a naked man following him everywhere. On the 360 widescreen, you can just make him out . . . running behind, desperate to catch up.

Re:Naked Man

[chigun]

Now THAT is an awesome/hilarious "glitch".

Re:Naked Man

[RabbidRabbit]

I happen to be the person experiencing the naked man problem with Oblivion. It wouldn't be all that bad if after resting at an inn you wouldn't wake up to seeing him standing at the foot of the bed with a wicked grin on his face.

Brokeback Oblivion

[PaganRitual]

Just run Fraps for 120 minutes and torrent it up.

Best glitch ever?

[TJ_Phazerhacki]

Or simply the guy never bothering to explore the ruins Mazoga led him to?

Try going inside next time......

Re:Best glitch ever?

[Dachannien]

Also, he may have to wait around for a little while, depending on what time of day it is. There are clues inside the ruins as to when the guy shows up.

My problem was that I lost track of Mazoga on the way to the ruins, so I had to finish it solo (which, since I was playing a stealthy character, was no problem at all). Never did see her or her corpse again.

Developers digress

[js92647]

In a recent stirr-up of events over the "Orc Marriage" glitch, the PR of Bethesda software stated that "it's a feature, not a glitch." Millions of fans across the globe have ceased holding down the Z on their keyboards and violently moving the mouse around, and decided to "stay home for the weekend" for "some hot coffee" with their female orcish partners.

Take her key

[Anonymous Coward]

I pick pocketed the fugly bat... took her key to the lodge, and locked it inside the house.

Didn't see her for a while.

But then I found her, sans armor (nice green breastises..), sleeping in one of the beds.

Wiley little wench..