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Dilbert's Ultimate House 290

angkor writes "Dilbert's Ultimate House (DUH) is the product of the combined wisdom of thousands of Dilbert readers, plus the help of real world experts, and it's online for viewing at Are you tired of tripping over the cat's litter box in your bathroom? Dilbert's house has its own bathroom just for the cat. Do you hate dragging a Christmas tree into the house every December just to throw it away in January? Dilbert's house has a huge closet off of the Great Room where he stores a fully decorated artificial tree on wheels..."
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Dilbert's Ultimate House

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  • soil (Score:5, Insightful)

    by fiftyLou ( 472705 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:18PM (#10395590)

    Come on.
    That greenhouse [] needs a good hydroponics system if Dilbert's looking to get any quality chronic.

  • by WormholeFiend ( 674934 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:22PM (#10395630)
    is that in some areas, you simply cannot build them, because your neighbours might complain that your house makes their house's property value go down.

    I live in such an area. :(

  • by hattig ( 47930 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:27PM (#10395706) Journal
    hahaha, it includes a "kids room" ... like that'll ever happen.

    And as for the exercise room, yeah right.

    Home theatre, yes. Home office, yes. He doesn't need a double bed.

    And yes, 6000 sq. ft. in the area of Silicon Valley too ... lol.

    Still, it looks pretty and is more sensible about making areas of the house that will be used rather than not used.
  • by American AC in Paris ( 230456 ) * on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:28PM (#10395716) Homepage
    If you don't have a basement keep it somewhere where no one goes.

    As someone who has lived in his share of one bedroom apartments, I can safely say that a good chunk of cat owners don't have such places in their residence.

    Bedroom, living/dining room, kitchen, middle of the hallway, bathroom: take your pick...

  • Not quite ultimate (Score:5, Insightful)

    by BrK ( 39585 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:33PM (#10395775) Homepage
    IMO, the ultimate house has no cats, but thats just me.

    The exercise room is woefully inadequate. And the "Wiring Center" is pitifully small. My home theater room alone has more cables than that. I have an entire wiring closest that is about 8'x 10' with many dozen runs of Cat5 and RG6 coming into it (for a house that is not yet 100% wired, and only about 70% of the size of the DUH.
  • Re:Kids, Wife? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by datastalker ( 775227 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:39PM (#10395835) Homepage
    When Scott Adams put this project out to the DNRC, he said that it had to be a house that could *eventually* hold a wife and kids, and remarked that it was, after all, Dilbert.

    He also suggested that we (I'm a member of the DNRC of course ;) ) might make the house so wonderful that Dilbert could use it to attract a potential wife.

    Since it's a no maintenance house and has separate areas for the pets and kids, it may stand a chance of achieving that goal! ;)
  • by SSonnentag ( 203358 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:46PM (#10395917) Homepage
    I don't see a floorplan for this wonder house. Interior and Exterior views can't fully describe the layout. I want a floorplan!
  • by elpapacito ( 119485 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:48PM (#10395948)
    Beautiful house, very much approaching an engineer mentality...but hey no matter what I couldn't find a cost extimate or a decent cost analysis.

    Point dear Scott, Dilberts out there probably will never be able to afford that house considering the rabbit exponential breeding rate of pointy haired bosses.
  • by fatman22 ( 574039 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @12:49PM (#10395957)
    The litter box goes in whatever room the cat wants it in. It's their house and you're just there to feed and entertain them.

    On a side note, those LitterMaid automatic litter boxes are expensive but worth every penny.
  • by SydShamino ( 547793 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @01:11PM (#10396302)
    Do NOT move somewhere with an HOA. You'll end up regretting it. Our house looks fine - really, but our neighbors mow their lawn twice a week (yes, they do) and keep all sorts of tacky stuff that makes their house look "good" to the HOA and our house look "bad". And I do take care of the lawn.

    Ideally, live somewhere where the neighbors have to follow an HOA but you don't. Like in the original ranch house of a farm that was cut up into a subdivision - the property the original house is on might not have the deed restriction.

    If that's not possible, go for no HOA. It will be better, I promise.

    (Earlier this year we took out a flower bed to return it to part of the lawn.) The HOA sent us warnings and then fines for letting "weed" (i.e. grass) grow in a "bed" (that no longer exists). Hassle, hassle.
  • by Medievalist ( 16032 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @01:49PM (#10396819)
    I assume you don't have kids?

    What they WANT is nothing that is practical or good for them, at least until they are teenagers (then, they still don't want healthy practical things, but there is no longer any point in trying to fight the tide).

    What you need is things they don't INSTANTANEOUSLY DESTROY. That's the parent's guideline, take it from me.

    For example, in the "kids bathroom" of the DUH there is a sink cantilevered out from the wall. BRZZZT! No fly zone!!

    If you actually construct this thing with a support system that will prevent kiddies from ripping it off the wall (something involving huge stainless steel beams and multi-ton weights, I think) when they and their little friends start doing the mambo on the countertop, then somebody will split his little forehead open when chasing his (shorter) sister through the room and not ducking fast enough. If you pad the edge, it will get ripped apart the first time said little sister passes through the room carrying a cat frantic to escape the Tea Party of Doom. The cat will be leaving gouges a quarter inch deep in the mouldings, so you can kiss your padded bolster goodbye.

    The towel rack off the front of the sink, that's a GREAT idea, though. It'll soak up at least a tenth of the fifty gallons of water any four-year old spills while "washing his hands".
  • Library? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by hondo77 ( 324058 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @02:00PM (#10396941) Homepage
    All those rooms and no library. Where am I supposed to put all my books (lots and growing)? My CDs (all 1500 and growing)? My DVDs (also growing)? I want a room I can store them in and be able to read, too.
  • Re:soil (Score:3, Insightful)

    by GimmeFuel ( 589906 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @02:46PM (#10397464) Homepage
    Are you serious? /. has more lefty stoners than a Phish concert. Of course they know what he's talking about!
  • Re:Kids, Wife? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by mikewas ( 119762 ) < minus herbivore> on Thursday September 30, 2004 @03:05PM (#10397675) Homepage
    Naw, marriage wasn't the intent. It's just that by the time an engineer has figured out what's going on they're already married.

    This could be a poll question. If you're married, what was it that you really wanted:

    A. laid

    B. blow job ...

    I can't believe how many times I've heard a newlywed engineer say: "All I wanted was ".

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday September 30, 2004 @04:16PM (#10398359)
    Not only are some of the "impractical" idea practical, some of them are listed as features of the house! I believe the whole-house UPS is one of them. Of course, like hospitals, it will require two separate sets of wiring and outlets: one for the critical/low-power devices; one for everything else. Things like computers, telecom, networking, smoke alarms, alarm clocks, emergency LED lighting, and possibly LCD monitors would connect to backed-up power. Things like laser printers, things with motors, incandescent lights, CRTs, and other non-critical stuff would be plugged into the direct circuit. When an extended blackout occurs such that a generator is plugged into the UPS, important things like the hot-water, refrigerator, microwave, and TV can be selectively moved over to backup power.

  • by BillX ( 307153 ) on Thursday September 30, 2004 @09:49PM (#10400782) Homepage
    Let's see...

    1) The house has three, count 'em, three gardens located UNDERGROUND. I'd be curious to know what exactly he's growing down there.
    2) The laundry room is located directly adjacent to the master bedroom. I can't be sure, but the washer/dryer could even be sharing a wall with it. (Man, the shit I would have caught from my old landlord if I were to start up a load of wash late at night...)
    3) Similarly, the "Quiet Room" shares walls with the main entrance, kitchen and gym, and shares a floor with the playroom and possibly the basketball court(!). Hope Dilbert's company has a soundproofing division :-)
    4) Her Master Bath is only accessible from inside by walking through His Master Bath (uggh), or through the closet. (I guess this could be a Good Thing, as it might keep Her Master Collection of Shoes off the closet floor if she's got to trip over them all the time.)
    5) From one angle of the virtual walkthrough, it appears that the windows of the Dilbert Observatory face toward a stone wall. I'm sure you can still see a lot of stuff, but a lot of stone wall as well. Actually, a good geek-grade observatory would be detached from the house so as not to transmit all the vibration from the house and its equipment/occupants...or at the very least, not so close to the basketball court.
    6) The cat's room: Should the lip of the kitty litter box really overhang the food bowl like that? (OTOH, maybe it's just MY cat that somehow manages to spread litter granules in a 3' radius around the box)

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