Go Go Gadget Minisaw

weighn writes "The SMH has this story about an eccentric Frenchman who carries about 1300 useful items attached to his body by various means. A digital camera is mentioned, so I guess there may be some form of computing device nearby. Anyone else a bulging pocketed geek-scout?"

Who wants to bet...

[Anonymous Coward]

That one of those items ia a white flag?

badda-bing!

Thanks! I'll be here all night!

Interesting pickup lines...

[MacOS_Rules]

Must be an embarrassment for the poor guy.

"Is that a ruler in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

"Actually, it IS a ruler."

its a

[1nfern0]

he's a swiss army guy. get it. hahahaha

Parker Lewis

[British]

Anyone remember Parker Lewis Can't Lose? His buddy wore a trenchcoat, and was already prepared. Each time he whipped out an item you heard the sound of separating velcro.

This guy in the story should design suits for certain professions, with neatly designed inner pockets, outer pockets(like on the Ps1 game "P'Oed" featuring the chef with sidearm cooking utensil) and so forth and then sell them.

I only wish I had more coat pockets and such, but my trendy Dockers will have to do. Carries everything but a handgun in the pockets.

No room

[natron 2.0]

I tried to fit my Microsoft EULA in my pocket but it was to heavy.

Oh shit...

[whereiswaldo]

I thought standing behind someone in the supermarket paying with cheques was bad... imagine being behind this guy in airport security!

I'd hate to be behind him...

[UpLateDrinkingCoffee]

I'd hate to be behind him at an airport security checkpoint.

Bulging.

[DarkHelmet]

Anyone else a bulging pocketed geek-scout?

Pfft, frenchmen... I may be a geek, but I don't need any artificial means to be bulging.

I guarantee you one item he doesn't need to carry

[FearUncertaintyDoubt]

...is a condom.

bulging pocketed geek-scout

[ackthpt]

Uh... if you're doing XML while you clean yourself, don't drop the SOAP in the shower...

How's this for something else amusing? [monster-hardware.com]

Re:No Picture!?!?!

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, it's not like he didn't have a camera on him!

Dilbert...

[batobin]

Reminds me of the dilbert series where Dilbert has a gadget rivalry with one of his co-workkers. The two finally meet in a hallway and have a stand-off, western style. Both draw at the same but, but Dilbert's rival wins (rings all of Dilbert's gadgets) because his gadgets have speed dial.

"Speed Dial. Fool."

Can someone find that cartoon?

Yes, but does he have his towel?

[Discopete]

He makes mention of sleeping in some unusual places, but he never mentions a towel!

I know something useful he doesn't have...

[jokercito]

A sex life... :P

Artist's conception!

[c.emmertfoster]

Here [cjselfdefense.com] is a police artist's sketch of the guy!

Oh the pain

[cranos]

Okay here are all the bad jokes I could think of about this guy:

1.Is that a t1 in your pocket or a you just glad to see me?

2. Excuse me while I bend over I have a fax coming through

3. Yes that is my phone, could you just unzip me please.

4. Hi, Im a French Geek, damned twice over.

5. Hmmmm where can I stick this directional Wireless antenae.

6. I know, I'll try to attach every concievable geek device to my body. Then the girls are sure to notice me.

7. G..u..r..l, what is this Girl?

Thats all for now, im probably going to get modded down but hey, Im craving the nicotene right now so Im FINE.

I Now Have A New Hero...

[Nameis]

I don't go anywhere without a Leatherman , a hanky, and duct tape. I'm always looking for new handy stuff to carry. At one time I also carried a face shield for CPR, a laser pointer, and a mini-torch. You can never have too many pockets!

I hope this guy starts his own clothing line. Over 1300 items...ah, that'd get me chicks.

A game?

[CySurflex]

Apparently plans to produce a First Person Shooter game based on this frenchman were cancelled after prelimenary versions had gamers sitting there for 2 hours pressing "[" to cycle through inventory items.

That's nothing...

[FearUncertaintyDoubt]

It's still 200 items short of the number the average woman carries in her purse.

Re:I guarantee you one item he doesn't need to car

[1000StonedMonkeys]

You know you've got problems when people on slashdot start making fun of your sex life...

How looks your geek suit?

[Anonymous Coward]

Does it have many pocket?

Oh no,

[Anonymous Coward]

New pointless product ideas for ThinkGeek.

I'd like to see him...

[Pig Hogger]

I'd like to see him pass airport security just once.

Swiss Army knife pr0n

[EnlightenmentFan]

Sidney Coleman (way cool physicist) had the biggest Swiss Army knife I ever saw. That thing must have weighed 15 kg by itself. He had carried it with him for years, and he told me...
(dramatic drum roll)
..that he had actually had occasion to use all but one of its 99-googol blades in his bike-riding, rock-climbing, etc. activities.

Not satisfied with this imperfect record, he sought out an expert to find out what he could do with that single unused blade. The expert replied, "Remove stones from horses' hooves."

Hey, not every story has a happy ending.

What has it got in it's nassty pocketsses?

[sbaker]

My father used to work for the airlines doing Radio and Radar repair. He carried a little kiddies pencil case containing a Swiss Army Knife and an expensive Fountain Pen. The case was labelled "747 Repair Kit" and he swore those were the only tools he ever used. He also remarked that he used the fountain pen more than the knife.

My Swiss Army knife (a top-of-the-range one) includes a small ballpoint pen - so I don't need the fountain pen...but I have a tiny LED flashlight. That's the software guy's PC repair kit.

Then of course there is my mother's handbag ...

Re:its fake?

[Chagrin]

I'm sure he carries a list.

Re:I have two words for this guy

[Cpt_Kirks]

His metal detector is in the upper left back shoulder pocket.

Eccentric frenchman?

[xchino]

"An eccentric Frenchman who goes by the name of Crazy Eric.." All Frenchmen are eccentric. If this guy goes by the name Crazy Eric, Maybe he's not eccentric but actually crazy.

Re:Oh shit...

[MbM]

I'm sure he's got a small airplane in there somewhere...

Re:What an IDIOT!

[Rolo Tomasi]

Let me guess, you're Crazy Jacques from the neighboring town and you're jealous because you only manage to pack 1100 items?

... but I also have an inflatable mattress with me

[Hektor_Troy]

Wanna fuck?

The real way of the geek ...

[mboedick]

... is not to have a lot of tools, but to use the same tool for many different tasks, like those old 101 uses for a Zippo lighter ads.

Re:Bulging.

[tswinzig]

Pfft, frenchmen... I may be a geek, but I don't need any artificial means to be bulging.

Unfortunately, you're not talking about your pecker. ::cough:: fatass ::cough::

Follow-up /. story...

[ngkabra]

I am just waiting for somebody to use him for a case-mod...

Re:Oh shit...

[Anonymous Coward]

Go Go Gadget Helicoper!

Re:A game?

[sheetsda]

Actually, this guy has proven possible half the first person shooters on the market today. "Lets check my inventory. Pistol, shotgun, rocket launcher, minigun, chainsaw, flamethrower, railgun, 6 ft claymore sword, M1A1 Abrams, deck mounted battleship cannon, small country, and 15 trillion rounds of ammunition for each... all of it fits conveniently into my armor/trench coat/pants pockets. MWHAHAHA."

Re:Parker Lewis

[AndroidCat]

but my trendy Dockers will have to do.

I find that Dockers don't last too long. If I might recommend: Tilley Endurables [tilley.com] Their washing instructions are "Give 'em hell!", and they don't need ironing.

I'm giving them a plug because I had a pair of pants that the zipper failed on after a few years. I figured what the hell, and took the pants back to get the zipper fixed. And they did it -- free of charge! (I guess they really do mean "Guaranteed for life".)

The shorts have enough capacity to handle a six-pack. (To hell with all those gadgets!) And there's a secret pocket too. They cost a bit more, but will last waay longer than Dockers under geek washing conditions. Besides, they have this neat stone head outside their Toronto store, can't go wrong! The Big Head [tripod.ca]

Birth Control?

[mlknowle]

I was going to ask if he carried a condom, but then I realized that it said in the article that he only carried things that he would use... and most guys who walk around with 1,300 usefull tools... well, point taken

Re:No room

[tanveer1979]

I tried fitting in a particular airline EULA, and guess what my jacket tore. After that I took the pledge that I wont carry anything heavier than a tank ever ever in my pocket.

Re:No room

[shogun]

Wait, you actually use their software?

No I think he just carries around their EULA for self defence. I can't imagine a much more suitable blunt object than that.

Re:Parker Lewis

[jcsehak]

The article says he does have a clothing line. But no plug? The guy even refused to give his last name. I guess he really isn't in America. Shit, over here, people'll plug their dog's new novel at the planning stage, when they're still thinking about teaching the animal how to type. If you're on a talk show (or many times, in a news article), it's beacause you have something to sell, not because you have something interesting to say.

I have to admit, my first reaction to the story was "freak." My second was "clothing line? Where can I get some?"

Quoth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[Malicious]

"Hrm, mabey all that hardware's for making coleslaw!"

Surrendering offensively?

[fence]

Many French people will take any joke about them surrendering offensively!

How can you 'surrender offensively'?

I would think that at best it would be a defensive tactic.

If crazy Eric goes skiing...

[Cheese Cracker]

... and gets caught in an avalanche, his friends better tell the rescue team to bring a metal detector...

Re:argh no no no

[Imperial Tacohead]

Oh, let's not forget their half-assed performance during the Franco-Prussian war, too.

Q: Why is Paris lined with trees?
A: Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

Re:Surrendering offensively?

[Anonymous Coward]

i think he meant surrendering, offensively.

he must be french

Re:gadget?

[The_dev0]

All of those things are in my girlfriends handbag ;o) Thats why we keep them around, isn't it? Packhorses?

Re:argh no no no

[Metrol]

So what happens? The Germans flank the French, ignore the Maginot line, smash both the French and the British armies, and have reached the English channel in 8 days.

It really is worth mentioning why it was so easy to flank the French lines.

All of the big French artillery guns were literally buried into position facing in the direction that the Germans were supposed to come. When the Germans decided that walking into a killing field would be silly, the French couldn't turn their guns!

This thread reminds me of a few years back when some really big commemarative event was happening in Normandy. Presidents and Prime Ministers attending kinda big, along with soldiers who had fought on that beach. A number of Germans were also looking to attend, which the French opposed. One commentator noted...

"Yeah right. Like they could keep them out!"

a thought..

[MoceanWorker]

From the article:

"But if I don't need something, I don't bring it. I used to carry a pedometer, for example, but I've just taken it off. I never found I needed it."

Well yeah, once you start wearing a 15 kg jacket, you sure as hell won't need one :-P

Re:marauding pruner

[orthogonal]

Of course, I was completely outclassed by a guy at my college who carried at all times, among other things, flashlight, rescue sheers, first aid kit, fire repellent mask, multitool

I'm just guessing here, but... he had no need to carry condoms, right?

Re:Yes, but does he have his towel?

[Anonymous Coward]

he's french. shame on you for not reading the article.

Re:argh no no no

[LinuxHam]

Damn! You took my line! The actual place in the joke is the Champs Elysees [vuvoyage.com] which ironically leads directly to the Arc du Triomphe. I've been there 3 of the last 8 weeks on business. I told that joke two weeks ago. Right there. To a German guy. He hissed.

Two hours later, he asked me to repeat it so he can get it right when he returned home.

Re:Parker Lewis

[fldvm]

I've got endless Dockers where my wallet has rubbed a hole in the pocket, the knee has gone, or they just plain started to fall apart. They aren't bad enough to throw out, but...

Yes they are!

Re:MIT cyborgs

[infinite9]

Fucking spooky when you hear a guy quietly clicking away with his one-handed keyboard-thingie while staring straight ahead. It was like he had no awareness of my presence or any other people around him.


The borg don't consider you a threat if you ignore them. Had you attacked him, we would have noticed!

obligatory Dr Strangelove Quote

[c0bw3b]

All I need is one of these:

"Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."